VickyClare
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- Dec 16, 2012
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And I'm heartbroken.
For those who don't know our history, we lost our daughter Rebecca on 7th May at 23+2 weeks. Then we lost our son Joshua on 15th Jan (this year) at 19 weeks (stillborn)
At the moment I'm having tests done. But I'm sure that it's down to me having a weak cervix (as I had 3 D & C's in the space of 18 months - that was 12 years ago now).
I'm not surprised that Paul is scared just as I am too but I don't want to give up trying for a baby.
Paul's saying that he wants to wait 'til next year before he will even think of trying again and in the meantime it's condoms or nothing! I can't wait that long, I'm 38 now and feel my time is running out.
I'll be 40 at the end of next year and thought of not being a mother makes me want to end everything. When I held our daughter Becky (she survived for 47 minutes and she was beautiful, perfect), the pure love I felt I just can't describe... a mothers love is a truly powerful thing.
I'm drinking and smoking more than ever. We still have to arrange our son Joshuas funeral. We wanted Joshua to be with his sister but we're not sure if that's possible (though I don't see why not)?
Sorry for such a long post, I just can't cope with how I feel right now and I know that it's ok to vent here as you all know what I'm going through.
Thanks for taking the time to read this xxx
For those who don't know our history, we lost our daughter Rebecca on 7th May at 23+2 weeks. Then we lost our son Joshua on 15th Jan (this year) at 19 weeks (stillborn)
At the moment I'm having tests done. But I'm sure that it's down to me having a weak cervix (as I had 3 D & C's in the space of 18 months - that was 12 years ago now).
I'm not surprised that Paul is scared just as I am too but I don't want to give up trying for a baby.
Paul's saying that he wants to wait 'til next year before he will even think of trying again and in the meantime it's condoms or nothing! I can't wait that long, I'm 38 now and feel my time is running out.
I'll be 40 at the end of next year and thought of not being a mother makes me want to end everything. When I held our daughter Becky (she survived for 47 minutes and she was beautiful, perfect), the pure love I felt I just can't describe... a mothers love is a truly powerful thing.
I'm drinking and smoking more than ever. We still have to arrange our son Joshuas funeral. We wanted Joshua to be with his sister but we're not sure if that's possible (though I don't see why not)?
Sorry for such a long post, I just can't cope with how I feel right now and I know that it's ok to vent here as you all know what I'm going through.
Thanks for taking the time to read this xxx
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