OH is too scared to try again..

VickyClare

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2012
Messages
969
Reaction score
0
And I'm heartbroken.

For those who don't know our history, we lost our daughter Rebecca on 7th May at 23+2 weeks. Then we lost our son Joshua on 15th Jan (this year) at 19 weeks (stillborn)

At the moment I'm having tests done. But I'm sure that it's down to me having a weak cervix (as I had 3 D & C's in the space of 18 months - that was 12 years ago now).

I'm not surprised that Paul is scared just as I am too but I don't want to give up trying for a baby.

Paul's saying that he wants to wait 'til next year before he will even think of trying again and in the meantime it's condoms or nothing! I can't wait that long, I'm 38 now and feel my time is running out.

I'll be 40 at the end of next year and thought of not being a mother makes me want to end everything. When I held our daughter Becky (she survived for 47 minutes and she was beautiful, perfect), the pure love I felt I just can't describe... a mothers love is a truly powerful thing.

I'm drinking and smoking more than ever. We still have to arrange our son Joshuas funeral. We wanted Joshua to be with his sister but we're not sure if that's possible (though I don't see why not)?

Sorry for such a long post, I just can't cope with how I feel right now and I know that it's ok to vent here as you all know what I'm going through.

Thanks for taking the time to read this xxx
 
Last edited:
Dear VickyClare,

I am really sorry about your losses I can only imagine your devastation but I feel for you. :hugs:

I can understand both of your sides and I think you may have to step back for a minute and see things from your OH's point of view. He had to loose those babies too and on top of that he had to see you lose them and he is only doing this to protect you. I think you should re-visit the subject in a couple of months. Give both of you some time to grieve. Especially with the funeral in view neither of you can be ready yet.

I understand your concern regarding your age but you are still young and nowadays it is not rare for women to start family later in life. I hope your tests will come back with positive result or with something that can be easily fixed.

Please never think of "ending it all" because that is not the answer to any of this. You need to get strong and that may change your OH's opinion on the subject as well. Set yourself some challenges and slowly you will heal physically and mentally. In the meantime we are always here to talk.

Lots of love :love::petal:
Kat
 
Hi VickyClare you have been through so much, give yourself some time to grieve and heal, I think your OH's response would be the same as my own hubby's, it's hard watching someone else going through the physical trauma as well as the mental trauma, men want to be able to protect us and fix things he's probably feeling helpless so the only way he knows how to protect you is not to get pregnant. However time helps the heart and mind to heal so I think he would come around. I know you feel 38 is old, I'm 42 and TTC my first, we've had 2 MMC's all tests came back clear & my consultant has told me not to worry about my age and I have decided to trust him. Don't put yourself under time pressure give your body and your heart a little time to absorb the shock of what has happened. Also from a medical perspective if your cervix is weakened maybe they can strengthen with a stitch. You always know you can let of steam here, take care x
 
I'm so sorry for your losses... No mother should have to go through that :(
It's understandable why your OH is scared. But I can see why you don't have time on your side. Maybe you could try speaking to a doctor to see what they suggest 1st? If they have any advice xx
 
VickyClare I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Big hugs x

I'm not great with advice here, but I do have a friend who lost two children due to extremely premature births. On her third pregnancy the hospital put a stitch and some kind of 'medical glue' (I don't know the proper terms) in her cervix as they believed her to have a weak cervix which contributed to the premature births.

She was near enough on bedrest the entire pregnancy too, but now has a lovely happy healthy little boy. Perhaps this is something you could look in to and speak to your doctor about, and when you are ready to bring it up with your OH again you will be more prepared and have a 'plan', which might ease his mind somewhat

Good luck x x x
 
I'm so sorry about your losses Hun, you have been through way more than anyone should go through in one lifetime. I too can understand your OH's worries, he's probably trying to protect you from further heartbreak too and may not be thinking straight at the moment. Maybe broach the subject again in a couple of months time and he may have changed his mindset. I'm sure he won't want it risk leaving it too late either. Xxx
 
Hi everyone, my oh has said that he's willing to try after I finish having the tests done (and see what the results are) I'm so relieved, he says he's scared but he hates seeing me so unhappy and he really does want us to have a child.

I've had my bloods done, have an ultrasound scan on the 19th March and then we will see our consultant on 25th March. I hope they discover a reason as to why we've lost our babies but I think it was due to a weak cervix.

I will let you know the results, in a way I'm hoping they might find something else (maybe a hormonal deficiency) that will give more reasons.

Again, thank you for all your support throughout xxx

Love & hugs to you all xxx
 
That is amazing news!!! I bet you are so happy, I really really do wish you lots of luck and :dust::dust::dust:
 
I am so so happy for you. I told you that time is all you need :smug:. Good luck for the tests, make sure you update us as we are a bunch of nosy ladies. You will be in TTC soon. yay :hugs::kiss:
 
Oh bless you VickyClare xx it took my breath away reading that x I can only imagine your pain, but I also can sense that you are a determined lady with a beautiful sunshiney aura :love: and you should hold onto that strength within you to stay positive. The team working with you are all on your side and it might be something simple that can now be looked into to help, you have no issues naturally conceiving and the people who work in gyneacology and maternity are really brilliant.

I'm currently about to seek consultant support to see if I can have a second pregnancy/baby safely. I had a code red emergency c-section with my first and am worried I might suffer a uterine hemorrhage if I was pregnant again....the thing is, what I want to say is if the consultant tells me that yes there is a risk, but gives me the go ahead I will totally trust them and go for it. Sending you lots of :dust:

Stace xx
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

No members online now.

Forum statistics

Threads
473,587
Messages
4,654,694
Members
110,066
Latest member
devatam
Back
Top