Hi all,
I'm new to the forum and really looking for some advice.
I'm mum to a gorgeous 3 year old girl, but the pregnancy was complicated and I'm having difficulty deciding if we should try for another one.
My daughter was my first pregnancy, and all was seemingly normal until our 20 week scan (had at 18 weeks) when I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix. Luckily I was living in Bristol at the time and the consultant there decided to put in a cervical suture as an emergency procedure. I was the first emergency suture they had done, and so there was around 20-30 people in the room watching the procedure as a training exercise!
I was told that this will happen with every pregnancy and they will put in a stitch as a precaution next time.I was told afterwards that they do not usually do this unless you have previously miscarried. I am originally from South Wales, and a friend of my mothers there miscarried 7 times before they put in a stitch, and my sister in law who works in North Devon Hospital has told me if I was there they would have just let the pregnancy run it's course. So I feel really lucky to have basically been in the right place at the time, and pretty sure my lovely daughter would not be here if it was not for the consultant in Bristol.
The procedure went well, and I was ordered off work and on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. However, I was told that I still could lose the baby as I was already 2-3cms dilated when stitch went in and they were concerned it would not hold for long. I had countless appointments and scans to check progress, and the consultant seemed more and more shocked that the pregnancy was still holding each time. However, I felt very uncomfortable physically and found it difficult to walk without being in pain. I was worrying constantly that I could miscarry at any time, and counting down the days just praying that she would stay put for just a bit longer.
I amazingly made it to 36 weeks, when my waters broke in the middle of the night and I had to go into the hospital for the stitch to be removed. They then induced labour and had a midwife stay with me constantly, until my daughter arrived 26 hours later weighing a teeny 5lbs. She was healthy but as she was preterm had difficulty feeding and so she had to be tube fed. I stayed in the hospital with her for 10 days working tirelessly to get her to breast feed, and was so happy when we got to take her home. I was diagnosed with PND shortly after, which I put down to the difficult and emotionally stressful pregnancy.
Since then we have relocated to North Devon for my husband's job, and our daughter is now a happy normal 3 year old.
My husband's family is large and I have watched as his siblings and cousins have baby after baby. Every family gathering we go to I get asked by my mother in law and countless other people "So when are you having another one?" I feel like I am strange for not having the strong desire to have another baby right now, sometimes I even wonder if I could go through the whole situation again. Yesterday my brother and sister in law announced they are expecting their second (their first is 16 months) and again I feel like everyone is having babies and I'm the strange one.
My mother seems to be the only one who really understands, other than my husband who is very supportive and knows we can't get pregnant again without careful planning. I know that he wants another one though.I am currently waiting to start a new job, after just finding work after relocating, and so I would not be entitled to maternity pay. I don't know if they would put in a cervical suture here, and so I would need to confirm they would before getting pregnant. I am concerned that I would need to rest again, and would find it difficult as my daughter doesn't sit still for long. I was using the contraceptive pill after having my daughter, and recently tried the implant, but I had side effects with both and so we decided to give up on hormonal contraceptives. We are thinking of trying natural family planning, as we are useless with using condoms. But obviously I know that this is not as effective as other methods if not done correctly.
I don't expect answers just wanted to share my experiences to see if anyone has similar concerns, to help me decide if/when we should try for a second baby.
Thanks
