Non-pregnant friends

[SunnyGirl]

Has anyone else had funniness from non-pregnant non-mummy friends? I couldn't go and see my friend from school at the weekend who was over from overseas and was having drinks in central London. I texted and said that I am usually in bed (through no choice!) by 9pm most nights and that morning sickness was really bad atm and she never texted back and then I got a really short and cold message back today in response (finally - a week later after silence BUT she met up and was in contact with one of my friends during her visit, even though her original message to everyone was that she would only be in London for that one night ie so I never offered to meet her another day because she was not going to be there) to all my texts and FB messages. She said it was fine not to have come out and hoped I felt better. I think she is in a mood with me cos I didn't make the effort in her eyes but I am truly exhausted, sick and also let her know about my rubbish workplace making things so bad for me that I'm signed off with stress.

I don't think some people get that pregnancy can be overwhelming physically and expect you to be the same but with a bump. I am so hurt and bummed out today
Benefit of the doubt, she just doesn't get it and is in no way being nasty. But I feel so down and pushed aside

 

[PrincessPeanut]

Up until now, I never knew how tired and exhausting pregnancy is! I've never had much to do with kids/babies/ pregnant friends so had no idea about any of it. She's probably the same.

I had a very busy easter weekend, on the go doing loads of things. By Sunday evening I was utterly exhausted. Looking back, I didn't really do all that much, went out to lunch a couple of times, visited family, went for a drive in the countryside and took the 3 dogs out for walks etc. Not all that energetic but I was knackered. In fact I'm still trying to recover from it now. I'm utterly exhausted and don't think I'll catch back up on it until the weekend where i'm planning on doing sweet FA!! xxx

 

[roxane 1985]

Has anyone else had funniness from non-pregnant non-mummy friends? I couldn't go and see my friend from school at the weekend who was over from overseas and was having drinks in central London. I texted and said that I am usually in bed (through no choice!) by 9pm most nights and that morning sickness was really bad atm and she never texted back and then I got a really short and cold message back today in response (finally - a week later after silence BUT she met up and was in contact with one of my friends during her visit, even though her original message to everyone was that she would only be in London for that one night ie so I never offered to meet her another day because she was not going to be there) to all my texts and FB messages. She said it was fine not to have come out and hoped I felt better. I think she is in a mood with me cos I didn't make the effort in her eyes but I am truly exhausted, sick and also let her know about my rubbish workplace making things so bad for me that I'm signed off with stress.

I don't think some people get that pregnancy can be overwhelming physically and expect you to be the same but with a bump. I am so hurt and bummed out today
Benefit of the doubt, she just doesn't get it and is in no way being nasty. But I feel so down and pushed aside

sounds to me like she is saying dont worry you didnt come out ur not feeling well, and whats the point in her offering a different night in her eyes and youve said your ill and always in bed early. shes not in a mood hormones just make us over sensitive xx

 

[SunnyGirl]

It's probably me not explaining fully but they met up in the day and also I'd told her I couldn't do evenings. She's always short when in a mood as well so I know she is. Hormones have made the hurt about a zillion times worse and I knew that when I was crying earlier. I was thinking to myself how I wouldn't be sobbing so much without the hormones but I'd be more miffed than hurt.

I never had any idea either how tiring it all was! I remember my friend saying a couple of years back when she was pregnant that she was asleep every afternoon and it just didn't compute with me. Well, it is computing now!!

xxx

 

[Sarah13]

I don't think you truly understand pregnancy until you've been through it. It so hard not to be sensitive as well, I'm sure your friend prob didn't realize or understand, maybe you can get together with her another time, she was prob a bit upset to not see you too. Unfortunately as horrible as it is we do lose friends or drift apart when we become mums as there is just not so much in common anymore, unless you go through the having kids stage together, but we also make lots of new ones with kids too.

 

[PrincessPeanut]

Unfortunately as horrible as it is we do lose friends or drift apart when we become mums as there is just not so much in common anymore, unless you go through the having kids stage together, but we also make lots of new ones with kids too.

That is one thing I'm actually looking forward too. I haven't got many friends and the ones I do have live up and down the country now. I'm actually looking forward to meeting mummies and having something in common with them and having that special bond that seems to appear. I can't wait to be a mummy

 

[Sarah13]

I'm looking fwd to meeting other mums too, I even like it on here chatting with everyone even though we're all anonymous in lots of ways!

 

[PrincessPeanut]

I know, it's nice, isn't it? I feel like I've got somewhere I can talk openly about my worries and rant to my heart's content and get the support and advice you'd only get from people going through the same things as you. It's nice!

 

[SunnyGirl]

I don't think you truly understand pregnancy until you've been through it. It so hard not to be sensitive as well, I'm sure your friend prob didn't realize or understand, maybe you can get together with her another time, she was prob a bit upset to not see you too. Unfortunately as horrible as it is we do lose friends or drift apart when we become mums as there is just not so much in common anymore, unless you go through the having kids stage together, but we also make lots of new ones with kids too.

You are so right - and I think there is probably upset on both sides, too. I have been trying to see it from her point of view and I think she might have been thinking "oh thanks! I'm not here that often" and may have been hurt, too. Misunderstandings! Gotta love 'em

I think you're right as well about drifting apart - I have different priorities now and it's widening lots of gaps that didn't matter before. Such a shame but I think that's life. And I've joined the NCT class near me so looking forward to making new mummy friends

Thanks, peeps - you've cheered me up xxxx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

My Mum said to me really earlier on in my pregnancy that I would make all new friends when I was pregnant/had a baby and I thought, what is she on about? But after a couple of weeks I realised I was boring my non-mummy friends to tears and could see what she meant. Even one of my really good friends who has two boys (5 and 2) has been there, done that and doesn't get that excited when I talk about my pram or Moses Basket (she always asks after my bump though); I think unless you are pregnant or expecting your first then it can be hard to get as excited as us! I always feel too when I meet up with my non-preggers mates that I constantly talking about baby and feel like I'm hijacking the conversation... I have drifted a little bit from one of my close friends but I think that's also to do with the distance in which we live etc

I have luckily made a really great friend through one of my hubby's colleagues wives. Hubby and his colleague, Jamie were quite close before but we all got together when we found out we were preggers (I found out 2 days before Sam, his wife) and we all get on so well. We see each other every week and get each other little bits (Sam got me my breast pump and she always picks me up little bits she'll think I need) Yesterday I got her a baby grooming kit and some dummy's - I must say having her is lovely as she totally understands what I'm going through as we're only 5 days apart and we're both so excited as it's our first baby!

Plus I've got all you lovely PF ladies xxx

 

[SunnyGirl]

Ahh Jen as usual you have made me feel 10 times better! You always know what I'm going through and get it!

Your new friend Sam sounds awesome! That is so lovely! Getting each other bits and bobs aw! That's just what you need! Your mum is totally spot on - something like preg really shakes things up. I think it's sort of shocking/surprising when you're not expecting it.

I'm just feeling a bit pushed out - this old friend is a real social butterfly and so I feel a bit 'useless' or something. Or not as exciting any more. Basically, I am in bad form generally at the moment what with the work guff and each thing like this takes another chunk of my confidence/self-esteem. Tis rubbish

You've reminded me of my husband's friends who we meet loads - the girl is 20-something weeks preg and lovely and I totally forgot we're meeting up with them. See! I'm in so much the doldrums that stuff is getting forgotten that is actually lovely. We are all having a picnic in the park together on Sat Ah that'll rule! I couldn't make the last get-together and apparently she looked very lonely and down all night awww - I thought at the time yeah that's cos she can't really chat about her exciting bump with loads of drunk peeps and aw I wasn't there to be partner in crime. Bless her. All will be cool on Sat

Thanks again sweetheart - you rule! xx

 

[MammaBear]

Sunny I'm feeling the same. My friends are all being really understanding but I feel there's only one who actually 'gets it' (and that's because her sister has had babies and she herself was TTC but was unsuccessful). I feel so lucky to have her but I do sometimes struggle with the others as my priorities have changed. I used to love going out and still do most weekends, but it doesn't feel the same and I also worry about dominating the conversation with baby/pregnancy talk.

What doesn't help now is that the one friend who I always turn to is in a new relationship and, while I am genuinely so happy for her, he's taking up her time (which I wouldn't change) and I miss her!

I'll be glad when the hormones stop making me quite so irrational!!

x

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Ahh Jen as usual you have made me feel 10 times better! You always know what I'm going through and get it!

Your new friend Sam sounds awesome! That is so lovely! Getting each other bits and bobs aw! That's just what you need! Your mum is totally spot on - something like preg really shakes things up. I think it's sort of shocking/surprising when you're not expecting it.

I'm just feeling a bit pushed out - this old friend is a real social butterfly and so I feel a bit 'useless' or something. Or not as exciting any more. Basically, I am in bad form generally at the moment what with the work guff and each thing like this takes another chunk of my confidence/self-esteem. Tis rubbish

You've reminded me of my husband's friends who we meet loads - the girl is 20-something weeks preg and lovely and I totally forgot we're meeting up with them. See! I'm in so much the doldrums that stuff is getting forgotten that is actually lovely. We are all having a picnic in the park together on Sat Ah that'll rule! I couldn't make the last get-together and apparently she looked very lonely and down all night awww - I thought at the time yeah that's cos she can't really chat about her exciting bump with loads of drunk peeps and aw I wasn't there to be partner in crime. Bless her. All will be cool on Sat

Thanks again sweetheart - you rule! xx

Aw - glad I could help my love Having a preggo friend rules, it is v.helpful when all you want to talk about is baby, baby, baby...! x

 

[lauralala]

i so thought that this was just my friends, so glad i'm not the only one! one of my friends is doing this and constantly asking should you have that? are you meant to do that?... grrrrr honestly

 

[HeppiBean]

I had more trouble from a couple of me pregnant friends

Apparently because I got pregnant after they did I was "stealing their moment" and from another who's behind me because I dared give her some advice

I gave up trying... But cheer up hun, you're friend just doesn't understand the terrors or pregnancy xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

I had more trouble from a couple of me pregnant friends

Apparently because I got pregnant after they did I was "stealing their moment" and from another who's behind me because I dared give her some advice

I gave up trying... But cheer up hun, you're friend just doesn't understand the terrors or pregnancy xx

There's an article in this months P&B magazine about competitive pregnancies (or something like that) about how girls are competing with their pregnant mates - like, who feels the sickest or whose bump is the biggest? Hehe x

 

[HeppiBean]

It's annoying I just want a happy/healthy pregnancy, and for my friends to be happy for me... Gahh xx