No desire to BD after miscarriages?

[lisey]

Hi all,

It has been a couple of months now since my third miscarriage and we are technically not trying at the moment (due to operation next month and RMC appointment in Nov) so not need as such to BD but I have zero interest and hate the thoughts of it, if OH so much as suggests it, I tense up and feel a sense of dread. Its awful, I love my OH, its nothing to do with that. I don't have a super high sex drive anyway but any desire has vanished, I don't know why I feel like this. Has anyone else been like this after miscarriage/s? I don't want my OH to feel rejected and I am worried for when we ttc again. I in a way feel like I am mentally associating the emotional pain of the miscarriages with sex, as in sex=pregnancy=miscarriage if you know what I mean x

 

[Lou1103]

I get it completely! It hasnt put me off completely but sometimes i avoid it :/

I do think it is a subconscious link between sex and miscarriage xxx

 

[lisey]

I am guessing its probably normal but I hope I get back to normal soon x

 

[brand new]

It took me at least a month to be able to have sex with my OH again after my miscarriage. I thought along the same lines as u. Even now 2 months on its a struggle to work up to it. As stupid as this sounds I feel better if we plan it in then I can work myself up to it. I used to love bd'ing. Now it scares me. Big hugs Hun x

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

I get exactly how you feel there I was the same after our twins. I was so scared I'd get pregnant and miscarry I wouldn't let him near me for ages. After Charlie I was the opposite I wanted closeness and once we agreed to try again I'm all over him but I find myself thinking oh no what if. It's a very hard thing to cope with knowing that closeness with your loved one can cause you great pain. Times a great healer they say I hope things get better for you xxx

 

[lisey]

Thanks everyone, I probably just need time to feel ready again xx

 

[leean10]

Hi hon, I have had 7 mc's now and it is only this year that I have become obsessed with trying again straight away as I have been told numerous times that I can have children, they just have to rule some things out etc.

At first, it is the last thing you will think of doing because it does go through your head that sex=pregnancy=miscarriage and I totally understand that. Give yourself time hon, maybe after your appointment with the RMC they can give you some answers and make you feel positive again xxx

 

[lisey]

Thanks so much lean, you're right. Once we get some answers, or at least begin investigation then I may feel a bit better. My worry is my OH feeling rejected though, he is a very understanding man but I don't like to keep knocking him back and avoiding it all the time. Things will improve, I'm sure xx

 

[Corrinne37]

I found this Lisey, though I desperately wanted another baby and to ttc!! So the sex = thing didn't add up really as I so wanted to be pregnant, but then I guess it was the underlying fear!
And I hate to admit but we did actually try artificial insemination as well! I got so desperate but just wasn't feeling it!!

Lots of love Hun xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Sex became a chore whilst we were TTC and having losses.

I didn't enjoy sex at all.

It does come back eventually though. We obviously went on to have a rainbow baby and it took a lot of time after that for things to be anywhere near normal.

xxxxxxxx

 

[lisey]

Thanks Corrinne and Carnat, its reassuring to know its normal to feel this way and that we will be back to normal eventually x