News about Pregnancy

[ZoeM]

Hi

We have a bit of a dilemma on our hands. I have may first scan on Wednesday, and if everything is fine, we were going to tell my in laws about the baby this week.

However, my sister-in-law has just had another failed attempt at IVF. My Mother-in-Law is so upset and depressed about her daughter not being able to have a baby, that I don't think it would be a good idea for us to even mention it for a few weeks. It's almost as though she's living it herself, if you know what I mean. She has two grandchildren and a step grandchild already.

What should we do?

I've been thinking for a long time that if I already had my own children, I would be more than happy to offer to be a surrogate mother for her. However, I don't, so this isn't an option. I really feel sorry for her.

Z

 

[lisa&alex]

i just think you should tell them..at the end of the day why should you hold back your news?i would even write the sis inlaw a card and say something like, im sorry its not you this time but i have hope that the next one will be you xx.??

 

[rachie29]

hi, i know this isnt the same t i had a friend who had 2 ectopics... so i am telling her sepertley on our own away from everyone else.

May be you could do the same with your SIL so she is prepared b4 you tell the in laws.... [/i]

 

[okiegirl]

what a tough one!
i can understand why u are a bit worried to tell them but im sure they will understand and they should be happy for u.

 

[girlygirl]

They should be happy for you. Its best to say and be up front rather than them guessing if they see a bump.
But i guess its the daughter in law jealousy thing we get from our mother in laws.

 

[smurf]

I think I would tell your sister-in-law first on her own so she's prepared, I am sure she will be delighted for you tho.

 

[ZoeM]

Yeh, my MIL is very jealous about the whole thing. Her step-son's wife had a baby a few months ago, and my MIL said she was 'devastated' when she found out!! She said 'are you upset?, you must be really upset about it!!' but I actually thought 'bugger it, why should I be upset about somebody elses wonderful news'. I said I was really pleased for them, which I am. We tried again, and fortunately we were very lucky and I'm now 11 and a half wks preg,

Her step-son and his wife haven't really had much to do with my MIL for a while, because I think they have been made to feel as though they are second best, and that the only thing that's important to my MIL is her daughter falling pregnant. I could understand it a bit if my SIL said she was devastated, but my MIL? I also wonder what my FIL thinks about the whole thing, as he has a new grandson and it appears to me that he's not even allowed to show how delighted he is about the whole thing. They drove along way up to see the baby when he was born, stayed 15 mins and had to leave because they had a table booked for dinner!! and they haven't even had a photograph of him yet.

I had a missed miscarriage in Jan/Feb and she always tries to put our loss up there on a pedestal with my SIL unsuccessful IVF attempts.

It's as though she wants us to be be as depressed about the whole thing as she is.

We go and see them, but you end up coming away feeling down about everything!!

Z

 

[girlygirl]

the delights of MIL's I do feel sorry for you tho, you just want them to be happy for you as a couple and not compare them to the daughter/your SIL
It must be so hard for you too,and your partner. I would be biting my lip to not say anything. They should treat their kids the same.