Family visitors

[rocksyroberts]

Hi all,
I was wondering if anyone has any advice on family wanting to come and see the baby in the first few days after it's born?
My mother-in-law and step-father-in-law are coming over from Australia for six weeks on the due date, but we also have my father-in-law and step-mother-in-law to think about (coming over from Spain), not to mention my parents and sisters!

I guess what I'm asking is... what effect would so many visitors have on the baby? It'll be stressful enough for me and my wife trying to organise everyone - especially if the in-laws start moaning about who gets to see it first!!

 

[kalia]

The baby won't be fussed in the slightest. Personally at first I wouldn't let everyone have a hold but they could all see baby.

The strain will be on your wife being tired, trying to feed (which is not easy for most people for the first week or so, or even longer) and having to be social even if she doesn't feel like it.

At hospital there are likely to be rules about how many people can visit at once and certainly the amount of people you have mentioned would be very disruptive if they all turned up at once. Unfortunately that means you will have to choose who sees baby first so you might like to think about that.

Lastly, visiting times are set for visitors, not patients. I slept through one visiting time and I know there was someone in the same ward as me who turned away visitors because she was getting help with feeding at the time. Make sure family know that just because they have appeared keen to see baby it is not 100% certain that that will happen and the most important person is your wife, not them.

I hope this helps!

 

[daftscotslass]

In addition to what kalia said, make sure those visiting from afar know that just because they're here for a few weeks, doesn't mean they get to visit and be in your face for the same number of weeks. My parents in law were over from Holland for a few weeks and we made it clear to them that weekends were for visiting and the rest of the time was for us to be alone.

Make sure they know that they shouldn't turn up unannounced, either.

 

[rocksyroberts]

Very helpful advice - thanks a lot.

We've already declared the hospital a no-go zone, so no visitors until mum and baby are safely back home. We're also going to say that no-one can stay in the house for the first two nights, so hopefully that'll give us a bit of time to get used to the idea that we're parents!!

It's tough having parents-in-law from three different countries, especially when there's a bit of friction between two of them! It's great to hear the baby won't be too fussed about it all.

Six weeks to go!!!

 

[Jenny123]

It will be difficult, but the most important thing is that Mum and Baby get settled in. Ignore the demands of others to see the baby and only let them when Mum says its ok.

My in laws live quite far away and we are going to put a note in with the announcement cards just saying that we need a bit of time to settle in and visitors are welcome after a week but only on prior arrangement and for no more than a few hours at a time. Definately no overnight stays though.

 

[andreag]

We didn't allow overnight stays, but everyone managed to arrange something so we stayed out of those arrangements.
It might be an idea to get several people in at once, to get it out of the way, rather than having a constant stream of visitors. Get plenty of biscuits in but don't offer anything more than tea and biscuits. People have been in the same position so they won't think there is anything wrong.

 

[Becky]

As the others have said - when you have visitors make sure that they make their own cups of tea etc! The last thing you want is to be running back and forth to the kitchen and leaving everyone else having fun with your baby.

 

[Jenny123]

The problem I have with the in-laws is that they never drive out of their home town so when they do come down they think the 1 hour journey is like driving halfway round the world and expect to stay for a week to recover! The last visit we had was about a month ago when the MIL came down. She drove in the middle lane of the motorway at 50mph all the way here and then sat on the sofa for a week expecting to be waited on hand and foot which I just couldn't do at 34 weeks pregnant
In the end I had to get the Other Half to politely hint to her that she needed to leave as we had loads to get on with.

 

[Bexie]

Just to echo what the other girls have said. To be honest I wouldn't have anyone to stay for at least a week, unless they were going to take complete care of themselves, i.e. making the beds, cooking for themselves and so on. The last thing you want to be doing with a new baby in the house is running around after the visitors, you just want to be able to enjoy the new experience of being parents together.

Good luck with everything.

 

[kalia]

Having travelled a long way they may say things to make your wife feel guilty for not having had the baby yet if she is late (for what it's worth just about everyone I know had baby at least 10 days late). You might like to think about replies you could make to support your wife if comments are made about the fact they expected the baby to arrive on its due date A lot of my friends had family visit who would complain that baby wasn't there when they visited I know it made them feel bad OH's mum used to call everyday to ask if anything was happening yet and it was really annoying!

 

[trixipaws]

i had a home birth and the first visitors (my parents and lil sis) turned up when my daughter was about 2 hours old! the first week we just had constant visitors- and tbh i didnt mind as i was worn out from the birth- and my baby certainly didnt mind. all she ever did was sleep! lol. people just passed her round and she slept on them, or just lay in their arms looking cute! until she was hungry then they passed her to me and my (sadly missed) 34E's!

newborns dont seem to mind theyre really easy i think and dont seem to favour anyone! but if u and ur wife dont want visitors, then say so. if u prefer to spend quiet time by yrselves with LO, then thats yr right.

 

[rocksyroberts]

Thanks for all your replies girls... very helpful indeed.
It's certainly given us food for thought, as I think we're in a unique situation of having in-laws come to stay for such a long time as soon as the baby arrives, and also having another two sets of in-laws in two other different countries!!
You must think we're crazy, but we want to keep everyone happy - while making sure mum and baby have everything they need. I think I'm going to be pretty busy during my paternity leave!

 

[Jenny123]

You're very brave

Just keep an eye on Mum, she may make out that she's ok so as not to upset anyone but you will need to read the signals and make sure she really is ok. It will be a difficult time and if you even start to think that its all getting to much for her and she needs time to herself then you will have to ask people to leave you alone for a couple of days.

 

[EllieBelle]

I would personally ensure they stay in a local B&B rather than with you!

Im not due for weeks and already told all sets of parents (both sets are divorced and re-married), that I dont want any of them at the hospital and if they want to come and see the baby they need to find local accommodation - my parents live 2 hours and 3 hours away respectively.

I want time to bond with MY baby without all my parents and in-laws hanging around constantly!

All my friends with children have told me the first couple of weeks is so important in order to bond with your newborn, and that I will be far too tired to deal with visitors!