New to this forum

[kiwifrootkai]

Hi Ladies..

I just wanted to join for some extra support.

It was my 3 year anniversary since my loss yesterday and although my husband is an absolutely amazing support to me, I guess it's nice (in a bittersweet sort've way) to be able to share experience with other ladies who are going/have gone through the same thing.

I suffered a loss at 6+5weeks on 18th August 2009, and I still hurt deeply over it. Although it was too early to know what sex our baby was, we both always thought we were having a boy, and we were going to name him Jack. It gave me comfort knowing that we had given him an identity he deserved. It just felt right I guess.

Anyway I've rambled on too much for now, I look forward to being able to support you all during this difficult time. I'm here if any of you need to chat

xo

 

[claire23]

Hi and welcome, so sorry to hear about your loss, I have a baby jack in heaven too, he was born sleeping at 40+1 in April, iv had 3 earlier losses too, although it does get easier to live with I don't think the pain will ever go away. Hope you find all the support you need in this forum, the ladies are all lovely xxx

 

[kiwifrootkai]

Oh hun I'm so sorry for your heartbreaking loss i cannot begin to imagine how you must feel.
You're right about it getting easier to live with, i feel as if i don't hurt as regularly over it but when i do it still feels raw, and i can still cry very hard over it.

I'm so very sorry.
xo

 

[claire23]

Yeah I know what you mean, when I get started with the tears it's hard to stop, im told it's all part of the grieving process, sometimes it feels like I'm reliving it, I am lucky enough to have a bump on the way again xxx

 

[kiwifrootkai]

I bet it does, I feel the same.
I planted a tree (pic in my avatar) last year on the 2nd anniversary, and I feel it gave me some relief from my grief, in that I now have somewhere to place it instead of having it wandering around my heart and head. So I felt as if I was "okay" for a while afterwards, although I thought about Jack every single day. But as the 18th rolled round again this month, I've just been struggling again.

Ohh congrats how far along are you? And how do you feel? I'm in constant battle with myself whether I want another child or not,, I feel as if it's complicated

xo

 

[claire23]

Aww the tree is a lovely idea, something that will always be there too, where did you plant it? X
Thankyou, I'm 15 weeks tomorrow and it was 20 weeks yesterday that jack was born so it's all happened quickly, I don't have any regrets that we tried again but It's difficult too that he was the only pregnancy I got passed 12 weeks and thought.. Yay I'm safe now. I won't be so naive this time but will try and stay positive. I don't have any living children so giving up wasn't an option for me I just believe our jack is looking after us.
I completely understand why you feel it's complicated, do you feel any better now the 18th has passed?
Big hugs xxx

 

[kiwifrootkai]

That's what we thought, it could be somewhere for us to go together and think about Jack, coz I always felt guilty that we never acknowledged him in any way physically, obviously we missed him ourselves, but I just hated the fact that he had just been discarded by the hospital, with nothing to remember him by.. if that makes sense.

It's just so cruel that you had to suffer a loss so great as losing your Jack after your three miscarriages, honestly. Like you said, getting past a certain point and feeling safe. I guess that's what I'm worried about. I know nothing I say will make you feel better, but massive hugs to you and him both. I understand completely why you wanted to try again so soon, of course you would. Just think, you'll be able to see a part of Jack in your gorgeous Rainbow.

I do feel at peace again now that I've seen the tree, but I almost feel that every milestone resets me. It's a never ending battle trying to come to terms with it and I'd give anything not to feel it I feel awful rambling on about my loss when yours seems so great in comparison, I hope you don't feel I'm being disrespectful hun I know you understand though.

xxx

 

[claire23]

It's nice that you have somewhere to go that you find peace and can think of jack, it's hard but please try not to feel guilty there is nothing you could have done to change things, it's a horrible horrible part of life xx
Your not rambling on atall and it's not disrespectful hun any loss is heartbreaking, I often feel bad that I rarely acknowledge my 3 early losses anymore, before it was all I thought about but now my whole life is just about jack and visiting his grave buying him things for there because i cant buy clothes etc and it's just pushed everything else aside if that makes sense.
Iv never heard anyone on here say rainbow I dont call bump my rainbow baby on here as don't want people saying what's that? Lol. I'm on a rainbow babies group on Facebook and find lots of comfort knowing people are taking their rainbow babies home all the time.
I know what you mean about it's a never ending battle, no mummy should ever lose a baby and there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. the milestones are hard I agree.
Big hugs to you both, don't ever feel like there is noone to talk to, we are all here, I feel like iv hijacked your thread lol xxx

xx

 

[kiwifrootkai]

I completely understand what you say about you not dwelling on your previous losses as much as you do with Jack, but that's natural hun. A loss is a loss, you're right, and your child is your child - that I firmly have to believe, for my own grief and sanity, haha. But you're bound to dwell on Jack more than your other three baby's as that is the worst pain and grief you will have felt, and you should never have to feel as if you should excuse that.

I love the expression "rainbow". I can't believe nobody here uses it, is that true? I adore this passage, you will most definitely have read it before:
""Rainbow Babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope."
I just find it stunning. A rainbow is everything hopeful to me, and whenever I see one I quietly think of those who have also suffered losses.

You defo haven't hijacked the thread haha! You have been just lovely, and so welcoming. Thanks for all your kind words I just wish I could take your pain away hun.

xxx

 

[claire23]

Iv never heard anyone use "rainbow" on here no, yes i must have read the passage a thousand times I love it it really makes sense and... Everybody wants to be happy, nobody wants to be in pain, but you can't have a rainbow without any rain. I love it when I see rainbows now especially when I'm up the cemetery I know it's a good sign jacks watching over us.
Thanks for your kind words too, I'd be lost without this forum, hope you find it as useful as I have
Xxx

 

[longingforabump]

Aww the tree is a lovely idea, something that will always be there too, where did you plant it? X
Thankyou, I'm 15 weeks tomorrow and it was 20 weeks yesterday that jack was born so it's all happened quickly, I don't have any regrets that we tried again but It's difficult too that he was the only pregnancy I got passed 12 weeks and thought.. Yay I'm safe now. I won't be so naive this time but will try and stay positive. I don't have any living children so giving up wasn't an option for me I just believe our jack is looking after us.
I completely understand why you feel it's complicated, do you feel any better now the 18th has passed?
Big hugs xxx

I read your story when you lost Jack and cried all evening. You're incredibly brave! Jack was making your body ready for your new bump I'm sure

Hi Ladies..

I just wanted to join for some extra support.

It was my 3 year anniversary since my loss yesterday and although my husband is an absolutely amazing support to me, I guess it's nice (in a bittersweet sort've way) to be able to share experience with other ladies who are going/have gone through the same thing.

I suffered a loss at 6+5weeks on 18th August 2009, and I still hurt deeply over it. Although it was too early to know what sex our baby was, we both always thought we were having a boy, and we were going to name him Jack. It gave me comfort knowing that we had given him an identity he deserved. It just felt right I guess.

Anyway I've rambled on too much for now, I look forward to being able to support you all during this difficult time. I'm here if any of you need to chat

xo

Welcome to the forum and so sorry for your loss

Thats a lovely idea about the tree I wish I'd thought of something like that!

x

 

[kiwifrootkai]

It does make sense doesn't it

longingforabump, thanks, I'm sorry you have suffered too
The tree seemed to make sense to me, something I could watch grow in place of Jack

xo