New here, and very confused

[Niccy]

Hello, I'm new here so please bare with me if I've posted in the wrong section.

3 years ago I fell pregnant at 16 and miscarried at 9 weeks. I was in a very violent relationship at the time and was not in a good place. I broke the relationship off soon after the m/c.

Since then I've moved on, and became official with my current OH 2 and a half years ago. I've completed my education, have a qualification and am now on my way to starting a vet nursing apprenticeship.

I know in my heart that now is not the time to be trying for a baby, but since my m/c I find myself desperate to become a mum. Everything baby related strike a chord with me. The past week I've found myself having nightmares about it to the point I'm waking up in tears. My family were never supportive of the whole thing (they were trying to pressure me into a termination at the time) and I never had my time to grieve. I have nobody apart from my OH to talk to about it (my mum just tells me I'm being stupid, my dad think the m/c was the best thing in the world ), and although he's very good at comforting me, he doesn't know what loosing a child feels like so finds it hard to relate.

Have any of you ladies ever found a way to fill the empty space that was created after a m/c? I have had counseling and have tried every self help book I can find, nothing works. I've got to the point where I'm at a loss with what to do. I'm fed up of feeling this way, I almost feel broken

 

[Lilelephant]

Hey niccy,
I am so sorry for your loss and that ur family weren't and aren't very supportive about it.
Have u thought about maybe talking to a cousellor about it, to me it sounds like u haven't had an outlet to deal with the grief of losing your baby.
I had counselling after each of my mcs and although it doesn't take the pain away it does help you deal with it.
You will have a baby when it is the right time, bodies r funny like that. But I know all too well that is no comfort right now.

 

[k8_005]

talking to a counsellor may help, i lost my baby last year, yes ok so maybe for you it wasnt the best time before but its not a "comfort" to loose a baby ever its just very upsetting adn distressing. we have planted a small rose bush to remember our baby maybe you could do something like that? it gives us comfort to know that is growing and blooming when our baby couldnt, and obviosuly no one else needs to know your reasons for planting it its just a special reminder to you. xxxx

 

[Verity2011]

I am very sorry for your loss, no matter the timing m/c is a devastating thing to go through and is made worse when you don't have the support of others around you. I really think you need to grieve properly and allow yourself that without thinking (or being told) that you're stupid. You have lost something very real and you have every right to mourn for that baby. I think talking to your OH is great, even if he doesn't fully understand he can comfort you. And joining this forum is also a good step as there are lots of people here who will listen and comfort you, knowing ourselves what you have been through. I have found it a great comfort already. I didn't go to a counsellor myself but I can tell you how I have tried to deal with my miscarriages. I named my babies and made them special boxes with anything from scan pictures to calendar entries and other bits and pieces that reminded me of them. My Mum also bought me these shining star toys which are small soft toys that come with a certificate to name a star. They may not be official but you can register them on a website with a name and now I can look at a particular constellation and remember them. Finally after my last m/c a couple of months later I got a kitten. I already have 1 cat so it was easier for me to fit a kitten into my life but as silly as it sounds she is just wonderful for me. She is this gorgeous ball of fluff that needs me so much and I could direct all that love towards her. My kitty cats really have saved me. I don't know if any of these things would work for anyone else but they help me in grieving a very real loss but one that's not always seen or recognised by others. Please take your time to accept your feelings, the sadness will never disappear but that immediate pain and feeling of being broken will. xxxxx

 

[Geminiblue]

Hiya - god youre having a rough time arent you. OK so what counselling have you done? Was it just a couple of times? Was it, a specific grief, loss, or miscarriage counselling? I had counselling for over 6 months maybe nearly a year thinking about it and it helped and it was free xxx

 

[roxane 1985]

Hello, I'm new here so please bare with me if I've posted in the wrong section.

3 years ago I fell pregnant at 16 and miscarried at 9 weeks. I was in a very violent relationship at the time and was not in a good place. I broke the relationship off soon after the m/c.

Since then I've moved on, and became official with my current OH 2 and a half years ago. I've completed my education, have a qualification and am now on my way to starting a vet nursing apprenticeship.

I know in my heart that now is not the time to be trying for a baby, but since my m/c I find myself desperate to become a mum. Everything baby related strike a chord with me. The past week I've found myself having nightmares about it to the point I'm waking up in tears. My family were never supportive of the whole thing (they were trying to pressure me into a termination at the time) and I never had my time to grieve. I have nobody apart from my OH to talk to about it (my mum just tells me I'm being stupid, my dad think the m/c was the best thing in the world ), and although he's very good at comforting me, he doesn't know what loosing a child feels like so finds it hard to relate.

Have any of you ladies ever found a way to fill the empty space that was created after a m/c? I have had counseling and have tried every self help book I can find, nothing works. I've got to the point where I'm at a loss with what to do. I'm fed up of feeling this way, I almost feel broken

i had a m/c when i was 18 and not a single person was sad or even comforted me in the slightest. now almost 10 yr on i look back and although its a horrible thing to go through as i had another one last yr, it was the best thing that could of happened as 1 i dont believe in abortion and 2 it would not have been a nice environment to bring a child into so it would have had a crappy childhood and all i want is the best for my kids.

thankfully ive not got a great other half another on the way and couldnt be happier as i can now provide my children with the life they deserve instead of being surrounded by anger, lies, cheating etc.

it will take time but eventually you will see it would ot have been fair on the child to be in the middle of a volatile relationship and you and your new partner whenever you have a baby will be able to give it the best life ever xxxx