need to vent!

[rosiee]

I don't feel Im coping at the moment. it feels like everythings falling apart and going wrong and I don't know what to do

we have so much at the moment. me and my OH graduated uni over the summer, and moved out of our uni house and back with parents till we can afford our own place. well, the landlord from our old house wont give us the deposit back, when now we need it more than ever! we left that house spotless and in perfect condition, and he has gone around and actually staged photos, messing rooms up and taking pictures and lying about how most of the appliances dont work and we have to pay. we always knew he was unreasonable and a twat, but we didnt expect him to be this bad! we have pictures taken when we left to prive how we left it, and want to take him to court, but are worried about the costs oif that.

OH has a job in the industry he wants to work in (CG) but he's freelancing to a company, and they are paying him a rubbish wage. he works 9-5 everyday for them, and they are paying him £400 a month for it! but its better than nothing while he is searching for other jobs and our only income. i think if im honest, he could be doing more to get a job, but he's nervous that he's not good enough. and i dont want to nag him about it too much because 1. im not bringing in any money at all, so dont really feel im in a position to complain and 2. he has a load of other stresses going on at home and i dont want to make them worse!
I found out I was pregnant before having a chance to get a job after uni, and no one wants to employ me now im pregnant. i know legally they cant use it against me, but i would feel bad not telling them, and its difficult to prove thats the reason. Ive applied for jobs im completely over qualified for but no one seems keen on hiring me, and within a month or so having to look fora replacement while im on maternity leave, which i can completely understand. I make my own jewelry and craft bits, and started to sell those online, and i make about £15 a week as i only started a month or so ago, and of course it takes time to build up, but it isnt enough to be classed as self employed and on a low wage i dont think, so im not entitled to other help.
so we have no money at all. we're not claiming anything, because we thought our circumstances would change quickly and there would be no point, and its all very confusing going through the process and im not sure what we're classed as. I did phone for help and even they didnt seem to know what we could get!

whcih means getting a house together is hard. my OH is sleeping on the sofa at his mums and im sharing a room with my sister at my parents house. my OH has issues in his family at the moment which are stressing him out, and his mum has decided she cant afford to keep him there anymore, unless his pays £300 out of his £400 a month, which would mean we couldnt pay car insurance or petrol for my appointments (he lives 45 minutes away). so we're not sure what to do about that.

and of course, i hate not getting to see him very much at all, and miss him like mad all the time.

I feel guilty because my parents are supporting me and i feel like a burden to them. I also dont get on great with my sister. she is 16 and moody and rude with a real attitude problem, and is constantly putting me don about things. i am trying my hardest to ignore her and not rise to it, but now my mum this evening said shes getting sick of the fact theres friction between us all the time, which has made me feel even more guilty, because im causing trouble staying here.

and we have a little one on the way, and as you tell, our situation isnt ideal at the moment! we were using contraception (the pill and extra safe condoms! apparently, my body was rejecting the oestrogen in the pill, and we must have had a crappy condom) but we are thrilled about the baby, i just feel bad about the situation we're in and scared to death! and then i feel awful that all this stress may be affecting the baby.

and now im ill too, all the way through the pregnancy ive felt awful, with the sickness and exhaustion, and then yeterday i fainted too and found out im dehydrated.

I just feel like its all too much and such a mess, i dont know what to do anymore!

sorry. i dont expect anyone will read all that!! i just need to vent!!!!!!! x x x

 

[JoJo79]

Aw i feel for you we struggling money wise too atm and really dont know how we gonna manage.

Dont really have much advice but didnt wanna read n run,

Personally with what your entitled to i would apply for everything thats going!!

Housing/council tax benefit, try tax credits and anything else you can find, apply for it all at end of day hunni they can only turn you down but then your no worse off than if you dont apply, iyswim?

Not sure where you live but here (Hull) we have the council housing list if you have one get on that and say you n oh are living with your mum n sharing a room with your sis n your expecting (bending the truth a lil i know but people do much worse imo)

That might help you get somewhere to live sorted,

Also your former landlord being a tw*t, look online for free solicitor services in your area if there are any i used one before for an employment tribunal and it was free because my income was low.

Hope that helps a little bit, and honestly it may not seem it right now but things will get better xxxxxx

 

[CarlyD]

Hi. My DH works in a letting agents and unfortunately some landlords are greedy tw*ts... Privately renting directly from one of these cowboys is a bad idea and they will take everything they can get. Ideally you need to rent through a letting company who mediate, do independent checks, and hold the deposit with the secure deposit scheme where both parties need to agree before they release it to either one of you.

That being said I know it's too late for all of that now. I hope you do get it back! Worst case scenario at least you know what to look out for in the future I would write to him directly, explain you have strong evidence that you left the place in good order and you have sought legal advice, and been told to write to him directly to give him the chance to release your deposit, otherwise legal action will be taken and he will incur the costs. I'd say there's a good chance that'll scare him into giving it back. If he's that greedy he'll weigh it up and decide giving you your money back will be the cheapest option for him!

We're struggling for money too and it's awful. Even with DH bringing in 850 and me 400-500 a month we still only scraped by renting a studio flat. Have you applied to the council? Being pregnant and living temporarily with your parents should mean they have to house you sharpish. I'm not exactly sure how it works though. Your OH is on a very poor wage, that's about half the national minimum wage (I guess he must be on an apprenticeship for that to be legal?) Definitely don't nag him, you're right about that, just gently encourage I'm sure he'll feel a million times better if he gets a better paying job, hopefully it'll come

As for your sister - just to keep the peace could you fake being nice? If that's too hard maybe just be nice about her to your parents when she's not around. Sounds silly but I really hate my brother sometimes and my parents get really mad at me when I moan about him and how easy he has it. So now if he does annoy me I just say what he did that annoyed me, followed by "but he does work very long hours, it can't be easy for him" blah blah blah. I don't believe it, I know for a fact he just sits and watches movies while he's at work! They eat it up though and we don't argue half as much!

Anyway sorry to go on, hope any of that was helpful! Xxx

 

[Sleepy sue]

Get to citizens advice Hun they will advise you on all these areas. I really hope you have some good luck

Ooh have you thought of temping???? X

 

[1986princess]

Yeah I agree go to citizens advice as I'm sure they would help you and get you out of this difficult time. They may be able to put you in council house and income support for your boyfriend or tax credits.vent on here whenever you like, it's a hard time to be going through feeling like ur not getting much support. Really hope all this improves x

 

[BevG]

you could definately get benefits and that way at least get a flat for yourself and OH. go the job center and make a claim, thats what its for hun, i look at it as claiming my taxes back if i ever have to go on the dole but it is for ppl in need.

 

[Olive]

I agree, get yourself to citizens advice. You'll be entitled to some benefits. I'm not sure how the council system works but it's worth checking out if you qualify too. Maybe pop in to your local housing office?

Things have a way if working themselves out

Hope you're ok.

X

 

[Mummy_Mel]

Hey hun

I found myself in a really similar situation. I found out I was pregnant a couple of weeks after finishing uni so I have found it really hard to get a job. My husband is a student doing his PGCE so he is only bringing in a small amount of money from student finance (and I'm sure you know how much of a pain they are!). It took a while but we have finally managed to get benefits sorted out, and now we actually get quite a lot to live comfortably! The only problem you will have with applying for council tax and housing benefit is that you are living with a relative, therefore you are not eligible. But I understand that while you don't have the deposit money back, you are kinda stuck there. I agree with the other ladies about citizens advice, definitely go to the job centre as well to apply for JSA and maybe talk to the council about getting out of the situation you are in and into your own home. Have you considered council housing as a temporary solution? I can't think what else to suggest at the moment. Try not to let it get you down though and just see what the CA, council and job centre can do to help x

 

[Susanne]

I think all the other ladies have given you all the good advice already that popped into my head as I was reading your post, but I didn't just want to read and run. Sounds like you're under a lot of stress at the moment - I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that things work out for you and you and your OH can find a way of getting more money and moving in together and of enjoying your new life together as a family!

 

[rosiee]

thank you everyone! your all so lovely, and your advice has really made me feel better!
I called citizens advice today- they were fairly useless really i dont know whether it was just the man i spoke to. I explained our situation to him, and h said he didnt know what to suggest, but it sounds like a very tricky situation and he hopes it works out for us. which was really helpful and encouraging!
but overall today, things are looking up!!!!! I felt like i hit suck a low yesterday, but today I GOT A JOB!!! I got a call to say they would take me on at bodyshop!! not amazing, and just part time, but better than nothing, and i think that then means im entitled to low income support? not sure, but I am SO happy!
my wedding dress arrived too! obviously, we cant afford a wedding at the moment, but my parents paid for my wedding dress and i finally got it today! It is gorgeous, im so happy! its there ready for whenever we are in the position to finally get married!
so now fingers crossed everything else starts falling into place- we are going to the council this week to speak to them about being put on the housing list and to see what im entitled to. so hopefully things will start coming together a bit!
thank you, all of you, for your advice and stories, they really helped!
x x x

 

[rosiee]

Your OH is on a very poor wage, that's about half the national minimum wage

yeah, its because he's freelance, so they get away with it! I guess its because he hasnt got any specific hours, but the stuff they expect him to do takes all day! they expect a lot of work for nothing. he has asked for more, but they say they cant afford it. they're just a small company, and at the moment, its better than nothing!

thank you as well for the advice on the landlord and everything. we feel really stuck, its rubbish. it is in a secure account, but we cant go through their dispute system because he wont agree to it (apparently both of us have to agree) so they said the next stage is legal action.

I have tried to fake the niceness today too! I tried really hard, and i think it made a difference. its hard though! lol

thank you for all your help x x x

 

[Kerrykins]

Good luck with everything and hoep things get sorted for you.

Just one thing I would mention and I hope I don't put a dampener on things for you but you mentioned your jewellery/crafting but that you don't make enough to be classed as self-employed. You actually have to tell the revenue you are self employed as soon as you sell one item even if it's only for a quid. Sorry again, I may have the wrong end of the stick anyway it's just that I also have my own jewellery and crafting business and unfortunately have seen others get caught out - it's worse that way than paying the little bit of tax that may (or may not usually in the first couple of years) be due. I'd hate to see you get into a worse situation just because of that.

Congrats on the Body Shop job too - love their stuff!!!!!

 

[rosiee]

Thanks kerrykins! no, I know Im classed as self employed for tax, I've sorted all of that out , but Im not classed as self employed as far as any financial help is concerned if you see what I mean? Like, I cant get income support or maternity allowance unless I earn something like £30 a week minimum, but still have to pay tax on the tiny amount I do earn, which seems soooo unfair lol! but thank you.
ooh, what do you make and sell? do you have an online shop at all? I'd love to see!
x x x

 

[Olive]

Congrats on the job! Fab news xx

 

[CarlyD]

Congrats on the job do they know your pregnant? Still gotta figure out how to tell my new employers! They gonna be maaaad at me :'( xx

 

[redbear]

congrats on the job- i would smudge the truth a bit and tell them your parents have told you to be out of the house by x date.... that way you will get higher on the housing list, And once you have a flat at least you ond oh can be together and look for somewhere else when you have had baby and got a better paid job- its better than sleeping on a sofa hun...
i went when i was 17 and me and hubbs moved in together and asked if there was any help and they said if i had been kicked out there was but because i told them i moved out of my own free will they wouldn't... you dont get rewarded for been honest im afraid!
Congrats on the job and good luck x

 

[rosiee]

Thank you everyone

CarlyD- they do know Im pregnant, I went for a trial shift first then got a second interview, so told them then, hoping that they liked me enough from the trial not to care! It worked which is good. aww hun, how long have you been there? how far gone were you when you started? Its a tricky one, I very nearly didnt tell them. would you get away with saying you didnt know when you got the job?

redbear- thank you! I went to the council today, and they said we can either be put on the housing waiting list, or there is a scheme where we rent privately but the council pay towards rent, so we're not sure what we're going to do yet. I think we will try renting privately first, but thanks, i will definitely do that when the time comes and it isnt excatly a lie, although my parents are very supportive and havent technically chucked me out, Im sure they'd rather not have me and the baby here

x x x

 

[redbear]

Well no its not a lie how can they expect you and a baby to share a room with a sixteen year old - but if you make it clear you HAVE to be out of the house you will get more 'points' so get a house prioraty over someone who doesn't have to move out.
I work in a lot of houses some are millionares and some are council and honestly its what you put into the home that makes it nice, there is nothing wrong with staying in a council house untill you are on your feet... i only say that because a lot of landlords wont take dss and will charge a lot more than the council and just dont think you have to struggle to stay private if you dont have to xx

 

[BevG]

get your parents to write a letter saying they can only put you up until.....
i did it for my mate when she was pregnant and they gave her a place in a supported housing hostel type place for a bit (it was really nice and for single preg girls) then they got her a lovely lil 2 bed place. makes it easier if there is a letter saying you need to be out by whenever