need advice- pet owners? sorry dunno where 2 put this

[trixipaws]

this is about my relationship with... my cat! well and my boyf too i suppose. some of y'all might kno the story but ill try to briefly summarise...

my boyf and i love cats have always loved cats. before melissa our pets were like our babies- we let them sleep with us and everything.

in september '06, probably DAYS after unknowingly conceiving melissa, we got a cat for my boyf's birthday. we already had one, a special needs housecat (brain damaged we think from being abused as a kitten- we always get our cats from rescue centres)

this new cat was a really good cat but also a housecat too. he would venture out into the garden but never attempt the 8-foot walls or fence and would run in scared after a loud noise!

anyway, the special needs cat had to be re-housed earlier this year as her personal hygeine had worsened (basically she herself and anywhere she sat or walked would be covered in poo- not compatible with crawling baby!) this was mutual decision in fact my boyf seemed to be less sorry than me to see her go.

a few weeks later the "birthday" cat who was previously problem-free, started pissing and shitting everywhere acting a bit funny too (hiding in corners, howling occasionally)
took him to the vets' and he was given a jab for a possible water infection. it seemed to work for a week or two but now im thinking it ws just coincidence coz several months later he's still not his old self. its very strange coz some days he'll be fine and normal then other days he'll sit quietly in the corner but NOT piss on the floor and other days he'll act normal but piss all over and poo NEXT TO the clean litter tray rather than in it

aaaaaanyway what im posting about-

I JUST DONT FEEL THE SAME TOWARDS MY PETS ANY MORE

like i said before melissa was born my pets were like members of the family, my cat was "my baby", but not now. when he was good, the cat was a pet (a pet, i was fond of, but not equal to a baby obviously). but not now. if im completely honest, now i see him as a chore

i feel dreadful admitting this, i dont mean to feel the way i do, but i cant help it! im so fed up of the back room (he's confined to there while he's not technically litter trained) STINKING of piss, im sick of worrying about melissa's health and welfare. my boyf even thinks melissa's hospitalisation last week was related to the cat's illness
gotta say i cant see the connection- her symptoms were rash and raging temp, the cat's symptoms are annoyingly pissing and shitting anywhere but the litter tray grr.

however it still nags at me that he's right and it just makes me resent the cat, that he's a liability.

i kno ur all thinking i shouldnt be owning a pet then if i feel like this and i agree with you! i think the cat would be much better someplace he is wanted by ALL his owners, BUT heres my conundrum...

my boyf. he loves the cat still like he did before. he still sees him as a family member. and i think also as his only "male ally" type thing, idk, he really loves him tho and wants to give him another chance (probably several i suspect) whereas i'd be relieved if my boyf decided to re-house him 2mro.

help, how do i stop myself being like this. how can i LOVE my cat again?! dont get me wrong, i dont hate him or anything, i look after him (its me who feeds n waters him not my boyf, he does the litter) and sometimes ill want to stroke him so i can feel affectionate towards him, but not like i kno i should as a pet owner.

 

[JulesK81]

Hey hun,

I've got 2 cats and the male recently had a real bad water infection. He wasn't himself for ages and while the initial injection worked eventually, it took quite a while for the symptoms to disappear and I still needed to get a second done and another check up appt.

While he had it, he howled while going etc, but cos he associated the litter tray with pain, he started going next to it and not in it. Could be your cat is still not completely over the infection - cats behaviour can change loads if they are still poorly. And as they have such a high pain threshold, it may not always be obvious if they are ill.

Encourage him to drink lots of water - I have a couple of random bowls of water around the house and this helps. Also only feed him wet food for 4-6 weeks as dry food can irritate urine infections. And if you aren't sure about anything, do get him back to the vet - I know it can be pricey, but it's worth getting him checked over cos his change of behaviour could be cos he still isn't well. Stress is also a big thing for cats and can bring on/irritate water infections, so if he is being shut in one room/dealing with a crawling kiddy, it could be making worse.

As for your feelings... well! I'm not quite a mummy yet so I can't really comment!! It's only natural that bubs would come first and it maybe your concerns for your LO that is making you feel like that towards your cat - the last thing you want is a house stinking of piss and poo when you have a mobile kiddy! I would say first off to get the cat checked over again and if he is OK, try and train him back into using his litter tray properly (search in Google as there's loads of advice) and make things as normal as possible for him again. He's gone through a lot of change too and could be he hasn't dealt with it very well. God that sounds like I am a pet physco!!!!!

Seriously though, it isn't the moggy's fault you feel this way and if you continue to do so, it might be worth thinking about getting him rehomed, for your sake, your LO and the pussy's. I notice you have other stuff going on in your life too so if this isn't what you want to be dealing with, pass it over to someone who will. Maybe get yout bf to take him back to the vet and deal with it to take the hassle away from you and then just see how you feel!

Hope that helps a bit - as I say, I'm not a mummy to my baby just yet, but have been to my furry friends and have bended the vet's ear lots about this sort of thing!!!

x

 

[trixipaws]

jules- thanku so much for ur reply. we are takin him to the vet again 2mro hopefully anyway. last nite i felt rele bad about this post, coz before we went to bed the cat was lying under the windowsill in th eback room, just on the hard floor. my boyf kinda affectionately poked him with his toe (usually the cat playfully nips his foot and grabs it etc its rele cute) but the cat just howled loudly and hissed. he then went round the room howling and hissing, and my boyf stroked him and he was purring, but when my boyf gently prodded everywhere to check for sore spots there definatley was one- above his hind thigh. it was so upsetting to hear him howl
i was supspecting the water infection mightve been secondary to perhaps a cyst or something around that area that needs treating the water infection wasnt what was makin him like that after all
but afdter reading your reply im thinking yes maybe it is that then. anyway will try to get him to the vets 2mro.

in the mean time hav taken ur advice and put wet food out (i hav been using dry lately) and iv put extra water bowls, see if that helps.

iv changed my feelings since that last post- i do love my lil puss cat, i think its just that im concerned over my priority especially as our daughter was scarily ill last week (temp was 39.3, iv since read that organs shut down at 42!!! ) and its manifesting itself as this wanting the cat away from her.

i do wanna keep him tho, hopefully we can get him well again and all will be back to normal

 

[nori]

Hiya hun, I'm an animal lover myself as so good to hear you have rescued your pets (ive always done the same)

Anyway.. I would definately take the cat back to the vets, theres definaely something wrong which needs sorting and when it is sorted im sure you will all get on fine. Just one thing though.. did this change of behaviour happen soon after the other cat was rehomed? Could be a connection?

I'm in a bit of a predicament with mine too.. shes about 17 and i also rescued her. Lets just say she has a personality which can change and she wouldnt think twice about biting you (not good for when there is a baby around) Ive already spoken to my mum and have pretty much said she will live with her but my mum hasnt told my dad yet (he wont be keen).. could get interesting. I know they will end up with her and she will far happier there. If she didnt bite i would keep her. TBH i didnt think she'd still be around when i had a baby.. i think she will out live me!!

Claire x

 

[JulesK81]

Hey Trixi,

Awww hun I do feel for ya, I have been through a total mare with my cat the last few weeks which has been bad enough being pregnant, let alone having a poorly daughter to look after too. Of course she is your priority so don't feel at all bad about that!!!

Your cat sounds exactly how mine was - poor Dopey (yes my cat is called Dopey!!!) also suffered with his rear legs when he was ill. Sometimes he would literally not be able to walk on them and they would kinda fall behind him as if he were staggering. It turns out if the water infection is that bad, it can cause probs with the hind legs, esp in males. Definitely get him back to the vet asap - they'll probably want to check if he has a blockage as this can be really dangerous. Thankfully Dopes never had a blockage as he was still passing a bit of a wee, but a lot of males cats do if it is really bad.

Just so ya know, Dopey had loads of x-rays done on his hind legs as I couldn't work out what was wrong and nothing at all showed up (they checked for breaks, tumours, anything that looked wrong as well as old injuries) but nothing showed up so they have no real explanation for it apart from the wee infection. He is on a short term, low dose of steroid just to help his muscles and the pain and we are now weening him off of them. For the first time in a very long time, he is pretty much back to his normal self.

Also, I dunno if your cat is a bit podgy, but if he is try and shed a bit of weight. Dopes is a big cat (as in size not weight) but they said he could do with losing a kilo, which he pretty much has now. It seems to have made a difference. The vet said if a cat is even slightly overweight, they have more chance of wee infections, plus obv the extra weight on the hind legs makes it more painful.

If he is howling when your OH touches him, he is def in pain. My Dopes is so laid back that he never howled or anything, biggest thing that made me realise he was poorly is cos he'd forever be in the tray trying to pee but nothing would come out and then he'd lick his bits loads. I felt so guilty cos I didn't realise for ages and was instead shouting at him to get out the bloody tray!!!! He'd also mope around, sleeping in corners with cold surfaces. Vet said it's cold the surface can help to soothe their bits if they are sore.

Also, if he's going through a lot of changes, he might be feeling sorry for himself. It's obvious you both love the little man so just give him a bit of fuss and cuddles and see what the vet can do. Once the bulk of Dopey's infection cleared up, he liked snuggling up to a hot water bottle underneath a towel, prob cos it soothed the discomfort in his rear legs, you could always try that too.

Sorry for going on, I sound like a right preacher! I just know how shit it is when they're like this cos it started with Dopey at the end of April!!!! Also, he had loads of blood tests done, etc, but all came back perfectly normal, so chances are it's just a bad wee infection mixed with a bit of jealousy/stress of the changes.

Let me know how you get on and try not to stress about it, you don't need any extra stress either with everything else you have going on!!!! How does the cat react to your little girl btw? My little one is due anytime now (having lots of slow labour symptoms) and I am so worried about how my 2 will adjust, esp the boy!

Oh one other thing - I know it's soooooooooo frustrating and so hard, but try not to shout at him if he goes everywhere apart from the litter tray. My vet couldn't tell me enough how much the stress would make it worse! They feel bad enough for doing it everywhere anyway, let alone with mummy and daddy shouting!!!! I actually bought a new litter tray and put it in a diff area of the house and this slowly coaxed him back into it cos it wasn't the original one he associated with the pain. And once he got better, he naturally went back in the tray anyway as he didn't have the pain.

I hope some of what I have said helps anyway, as I say sorry if it seems I am preaching, I have just spent a lot of time annoying my vet and researching it on the net!!!!!
x

 

[JulesK81]

Oh and Claire you made a good point which I thought about later on about if it happened once the other cat was rehomed. Could be he's missing his friend!!! And if he is stressed about that, it could then be making him poorly.

Crikey, a 17 yr old cat, that's good going!!! I guess I am lucky that both of mine are young (2.5 yrs) so I am hoping they will adjust ok to bubs...

x

 

[clarey]

Hi Trixi, just wanted to say my feelings towards my cats have changed since Eva was born too, I still love them of course and they are fine and healthy, dont bother the baby etc, but they are just not top of my priorities anymore and all the fur everywhere has been getting on my nerves, which will probably only get worse once LO is crawling - I am gonna be constantly attached to the hoover lol.
I think its only natural, our instincts as mummys are just overriding our love for our pets, I am sure its even worse when you have a sick cat to deal with too, hope he is better soon and you find a solution to the litter tray prob,

 

[trixipaws]

thanx for ur replies ladies

we couldnt get a weekend app and we were both working mon & tues (altho i finished early y'day as my dad had a hosp app)

today i called the vets and got an app 2mro morning hope this gets sorted out

iv mopped up 4 pools of piss from the dining room today

iv stood in some barefoot that i hadnt noticed was there

and im sorry to say when i caught him doing one while i was washing up i ran over and flicked the water from the wet gloves on him i was so mad i feel really bad about it now

its so stressing me out this.

on a brighter note, he doesnt seem in pain, my boyf prodded him this morning and there were no sore spots- theres been no howling or hissing and he's sleeping on the dining chairs which are cushioned rather than cold hard floor corners.

i think thats why i punished him for pissing on the floor, its easy to get mad when hes not showing signs of illness it just seems like he's misbehaving. if he'd seemed distressed i wouldnt have flicked water on him.

i used to have so much patience for the cats before melissa was born, re. cleaning up poo and wee but now melissa gets all my patience i even laugh at her pooing and weeing on the floor but i dont have enough patience to go around! cats just annoy me now

PLEASE LET THE VETS APP 2MRO FIX THE CAT FOR GOOD!

 

[xxsammyxx]

Hi hun, i know how you feel. We got two kittens together, both from rescue. One was as clean as anything, the other Dweebie, always pissed on the beds, anything on the settee comfortable etc etc. It used to drive me mental. It continued for about 7 months. Finally she stopped it when we moved house. sadly she got killed by a car shortly after her first birthday. Crystal has always been perfect hygiene wise. I had another kitten like Dweebie before and he did the same and wo and behold the little siamese rescue cat we have now has started shitting in corners, the shower and pissing on items. I hope he will grow out of this as im particularly house proud and dont like it at all!!!! I know this comes with kittens though and i have to work through it. Is there a possibility your cat has been clipped by a car? He seems upset and uncomfortable about something... I know when Dweebie got bit on her tail she got an abcess and nearly lost her tail. It was a few days before we noticed and if we touched it she went mad, hissing and spitting and swearing. She was NEVER like this and the kindest little kitty bless her soul. We fought through antibiotics for a week (in two periods) or two and finally saved her tail. Through the treatment she was sad and upset and not very interested in anything but sleeping (a sign of depression) Try not to give up. I would ask the rescue centre for advice as they deal with this ALL the time with new cats coming and going and then explain it all to the vets (although pschologically wise i think the rescue centres have more experience on behaviour) I used the internet to try and help me stop Dweebie being dirty. It said to make sure that you clean up the area well so they cant smell their scent to go there again. To use white wine vinegar (ok i know it doesnt smell nice) to spray on furniture, beds etc after cleaning as this neutralises the scent. Also if they are always going to the loo in the same place, put the cat tray there for a while then slowly introduce it back to where it was. I understand your frustration but try to work through it. If you rehome him he may get smacked or neglected for his faults and then dumped or dumped onto someone else, kicked out and ran over... some people are not so tolerant as you and may harm him. Good luck hun xxx