advice on a lil tiff?!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by trixipaws, Nov 26, 2007.

?

what should i do?

  1. sort it out!

  2. let it drop!

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  1. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    the relationship i am in atm is my first serious relationship (i dont count the few i had in my teens that lasted a few months tops) so im a bit inexperienced at how to act sometimes, so i want ur help what to do here.
    ill explain the situation:

    1. we hav 2 house cats. we got them from a rescue centre, one of them was abused as a kitten and we think is mentally ******ed (its hard 2 explain but u would understand if u met her). in the summer we let them out into the garden, where we hav one 12-foot wall, one 8-foot wall and an 8-foot fence and gate at the end. we leave the back door propped open for them to come in and go out as they please.
    a previous cat we had would go out and could get over the walls and fence no probs. we dont hav a cat-flap so we just used to let him back in when he miaowed at the back door. (he is no longer with us :( )
    but these 2 cats never go over the walls (the abused one can barely navigate the kitchen surfaces so its probably physically impossible for her anyway).
    in the winter its too cold to leave the back door open so they stay in. i asked my boyf recently if i should let them out in the day, close the back door and just check every 10 minutes or so if they wanted to come back in, he said thats fine. so iv done this a couple of times.

    2. on saturday, we came back from the shops, and my boyf let the cats out and went upstairs. millie and i were downstairs and it was freezing, so i closed the back door. i'd been sat in the living room for less than 5 minutes and my boyf, having come downstairs and gone into the kitchen shouted to me that the cats were miaowing at the door.
    then, he had a big strop with me about it.
    apparently he cannot remember the conversation i mentioned in paragraph 1. he said i was cruel for "locking them out". i tried to protest my innocence, first of all i love the cats i wouldnt lock them out. secondly i did not kno they were miaowing already and was gonna go check on them in about 5 minutes- i hadnt had the door closed for any longer than 5 minutes and didnt think theyd be ready to come in yet. thirdly- and most of all- he had previously agreed to me doing this!
    but he claims he cant remember and wouldnt hav agreed it.

    grrrrr but he DID! i do actually believe that he honestly cant remember, i dont think he does remember but is denying it.
    he wouldnt speak to me all day, and i went to bed on my own (he joined me later). in the morning he was all normal and nice so i didnt mention it and we hav been fine since then.

    but its just bugging me now- in his head he thinks i did something wrong and he has forgiven me. and that really pisses me off! he should need MY forgiveness for being horrible to me for no reason except his bad memory!

    should i bring it up again, or is that immature?
     
  2. mary70

    mary70 Well-Known Member

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    i think you need to sort it out hun because the weather is getting colder and the situation is going to happen again
     
  3. Lou

    Lou Well-Known Member

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    If you bring it up again its just going to make it more confusing. All the 'you said, I said' conversations get mixed up and nobody can win. If I brought up every misunderstanding I've ever had with Jed that I have just let go we would be arguing constantly.

    Why don't you get a cat flap then everyone is happy :)
     
  4. Krystal

    Krystal Well-Known Member

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    leave it.. life too short for silly arguments.

    discuss with him again what you are going to do with cats during day ie like first convo you had. but odnt bring up argument x :hug:
     
  5. Penstraze

    Penstraze Well-Known Member

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    The problem with men is even if they appear to be listening and make all the right noises in the right places very often they arnt! :twisted: I have similar arguments with my OH were I have told him something he hasnt listened then had a go at me for not telling him I have no way to prove it other then carry a dictaphone around all day and find it easier to let it go then argue, but its very frustrating I hate being told im wrong when I know im right!!! :twisted: :lol:
     
  6. Tillytots

    Tillytots Well-Known Member

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    Id leave it hun to be honest. If you bring it up again then it will cause another row and you'll be spending another day on your own :cry: Next time the cats go out and he is indoors too just say "Honey Im letting the cats out could you listen out for them too, just incase I dont hear them, I dont want to leave them outside again getting chilly"

    x
     
  7. sazzylou

    sazzylou Well-Known Member

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    i have this kind of problem with my DH all the time. He's got the memory of a goldfish. We're constantly bickering about things that ive talked to him about before hand - he just doesnt remember! It really does my head in, but ive found the best way to deal with it is let it lie while we're both angry , then sit down and have a chat after wards and drum it into him to take more bloody notice of what im saying so we dont keep arguing!! :x
     
  8. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

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    My cat gets locked out for hours :lol:

    Mind you she has kind of half moved in next door LOL

    I'd drop it, BUT drop a hint next time, just so he knows the score ;)
     
  9. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    If I had a euro for everytime I've mentioned something to DH and he's forgotten I said it... I'd be a very rich woman :rotfl:

    Tbh you will never convince him that you said what you said... and he will just feel resentful if you push it on him... You won't change this fact and well there's no point trying... Just let it wash over you hun...

    This is where the fine art of nagging comes into play in the future :rotfl: ... if he leaves the back door open... and its cold... nag him about it.. until he comes down and either closes the door, tells you to do it or gets the cats in... and if he says it's cruel to the cat ask him which is more important... his daughter's health or his cats who are wearing little fur jackets...

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  10. glitzyglamgirl

    glitzyglamgirl Well-Known Member

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    id let it drop too, but next time you talk to him about something say to him "you will remember this conversation tomorrow wont you" and laugh, make light of it, but he should remember it then. Im always having to remind OH of things ive said as he just doesnt listen half the time, then i feel like a nag and I hate that :roll: :lol:
     
  11. Tangerinedream

    Tangerinedream Well-Known Member

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    I'd drop it if it was me. Thats just what Im like though.

    Me and OH often do the cold shoulder thing then we are ok with each other after a few hours/next day
     
  12. debecca

    debecca Well-Known Member

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    Men are funny creatures. They forget things you've said to them but then because they insist on being right all the time, will not allow there to be any possibility that they might have forgotten you'd said it.

    Common argument in our house. Drives me up the wall.
     
  13. skimpy

    skimpy Well-Known Member

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    Beware of catnappers!!! we had shared custody of our cat with one of our neighbours...but when the vet bills started rolling in due to his obesity, i was left to foot the bill...and she wouldnt stop feeding him.
     
  14. debecca

    debecca Well-Known Member

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    Our neighbour feeds our cat (but only the one he likes) and it drives me MAD :evil:
     
  15. kimmumof2

    kimmumof2 Well-Known Member

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    id drop it hun, me and OH have these little tiffs all the time and usually one of us gives in the silent treatment by offering a cup of tea etc but none of us ever think we have won we just give up with the silent treatment and agree to disagree. i agree with everyone else next time make a joke of it to lighten the situation but also to remind him that you have been thru this before. men have selective hearing!!!!

    xxxxx
     
  16. mamichuli

    mamichuli Well-Known Member

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    We use the cup of tea routine too! (only with us it is coffee/ a beer, we both hate tea! :lol: )

    Lisa
     

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