angelD
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- Jan 15, 2013
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Hello everyone,
Im new here, I just wanted to share my story, get it all off my chest. Iv been through hell and back over the last 17 months with trying to become a mum, iv been through hell and back and on an emotional roller coaster and iv realised that keeping things bottled up inside does no good......... here is my story so far...........
I first became pregnant at the age of 30, to be honest it was a bit of a shock as I hadnt been with my partner all that long but my partner and I soon got used to the idea and couldnt wait to be parents. I have always been a bit of a cynical person and I didnt want anyone buying us anything or us to buy anything for our new arrival. I had no idea what was coming but still I didnt want to tempt fate. We had our 12 week scan and was told that everything looked fine even though the sonographer told me I had my dates wrong and I was only 11 weeks when I thought I was nearer to 14 weeks.
We went along with the pregnancy and I felt fine, no sickness or anything just sore boobs!!
We went for our routine 20 week scan and where hit by the awful news that they had detected some abnormalities with our baby, she didnt say much other than there was a problem with the brain and that there didnt seem to be much fluid around the baby, we where booked in to see a consultant at a different hospital the next day......the news wasnt good, my head couldnt take in what the Dr was saying as he reeled off all these problems with my little girl, we decided to find out the sex once we knew the news that our baby wasnt 'compatible with life' (lovely way to put it isnt it!?!) 2 days later I delivered our beautiful daughter and my life was never going to be the same again. We had to wait for test results to come back before we could TTC again as we didnt know if the problem was genetic or heriditary between me and my partner.........6 weeks later we go the results and thankfully we where told that it was 'just one of those things' and that it was nothing seriously wrong with my partner and I which had caused the problems.....our daughter had Triploidy which meant everyone of her chromosomes was XXX isntead of XX and that she had 69 chromosomes instead od the normal 48, we where told that Triploidy is responsible for the majority of miscarriages, although I hadnt miscarried, we had to make the decision to end the preganacy which was cruel enough in its self.
Nine months later and a lot of frustrated months where my AF arrived when I didnt want it to I discovered I was preganat again..... I was scared about what would happen this time but I tried to keep positive believing that I couldnt be so unlucky again, I was wrong.............I started to bleed at 9+5 the worst of it was that it was on a Friday night and when I phoned my Auntie who is a midwife, she said that the Bleeding in Early Pregnancy (BEP) clinic didnt open until monday morning, so I had the weekend filled with worry all the while bleeding, if only slight, and trying to 'rest' and 'keep calm' Monday morning came and we went to the BEP clinic, by my dates I was 10 weeks but they told us that our little bean had stopped growing at 5+6, in another cruel blow, they said that a heart beat would not always be detectable at 5+6 so i needed to come back on the Friday for another scan 'just to be sure' that was another week from hell.......at 5.30am on the Friday, I had my answer as my miscarriage began and within 2 hours it was over, I went back to the hospital to be checked over and due to the blood loss and the fact that my womb had emptied but my little bean was still in there I had to be kept in for monitoring, My little bean finally came out on the following Wednesday and we where once again devastated.
We tried to get on with our lives with the reassurance that we would be monitored more closely the next time, in the NHS they wont do further testing until you have had 3 consecutive losses!??! My 3rd pregnancy happened in September 2012, as i'd become rather obsessed with TTC, I knew by day 29 after my LMP that I was pregnant, I used an OPK initially and got a very dark line, I knew I wouldnt be ovulating so I went and bought a HPT which came back with a very feint line but as they say I knew that 'a line was a line' the next day we went straight to the BEP clinic where I was put on Aspirin and high dose Folic Acid, as i was only 4 weeks pregnant, if that, they couldnt see anything on the vaginal scan so decided to monitor my blood HCG levels every 2 days, surely this time we would be ok.............It wasnt meant to be, my HCG levels where rising but no where near what they should have been and despite my body continuing to produce the pregnancy hormone the pregnancy was not viable, In order to prevent any complications my pregnancy was treated as an ectopic pregnancy and I was given 2 Methotrexate injections to disolve whatever was creating the HCG.......I wasnt surprised .I just felt numb and still do really, I think iv put up defenses to protect myself and dare I say it but I just knew that it wasnt going to happen again.........
We where told that we couldnt TTC for at least 3 months due to the Methotrexate injection as its so toxic but in that time we where given tests to rule out anything genetic between my partner and I, its called Karyotyping, where they look at all of our chromosomes to see if there is a problem when our genes mix, the 6 week wait was horrible but thankfully they all came back normal......that day was a bit of an anti-climax as although we knew that there where no serious problems it still didnt explain why I had had 3 failed pregnancies..............
So........................Here I am, writing this, its been 27 days since my LMP and we have not been using precautions since the beginning of this year, i knew roughly when I was ovulating and kept an eye on my CM...........I know that it is very early days but I can feel the anticipation building already, I have tried not to think about the posibility of being pregnant but I want nothing more even though Im petrified of what may happen. I think I'll use this forum just to try and take the pressure off my partner when I start to feel like im going round the bend either because iv come on or because I havnt!!! ha ha. i know its too early to test yet but im wanting to already so the next week is gonna be pretty tough for me I can tell.
I dont know if anyone else will read this or if anyone can relate to my story or how Im feeling but from reading the other threads you all seem like a lovely bunch of ladies and I hope you can help me get through it all and I'll do my best to help others where I can
Love and baby dust to everyone
xxxxx
Im new here, I just wanted to share my story, get it all off my chest. Iv been through hell and back over the last 17 months with trying to become a mum, iv been through hell and back and on an emotional roller coaster and iv realised that keeping things bottled up inside does no good......... here is my story so far...........
I first became pregnant at the age of 30, to be honest it was a bit of a shock as I hadnt been with my partner all that long but my partner and I soon got used to the idea and couldnt wait to be parents. I have always been a bit of a cynical person and I didnt want anyone buying us anything or us to buy anything for our new arrival. I had no idea what was coming but still I didnt want to tempt fate. We had our 12 week scan and was told that everything looked fine even though the sonographer told me I had my dates wrong and I was only 11 weeks when I thought I was nearer to 14 weeks.
We went along with the pregnancy and I felt fine, no sickness or anything just sore boobs!!
We went for our routine 20 week scan and where hit by the awful news that they had detected some abnormalities with our baby, she didnt say much other than there was a problem with the brain and that there didnt seem to be much fluid around the baby, we where booked in to see a consultant at a different hospital the next day......the news wasnt good, my head couldnt take in what the Dr was saying as he reeled off all these problems with my little girl, we decided to find out the sex once we knew the news that our baby wasnt 'compatible with life' (lovely way to put it isnt it!?!) 2 days later I delivered our beautiful daughter and my life was never going to be the same again. We had to wait for test results to come back before we could TTC again as we didnt know if the problem was genetic or heriditary between me and my partner.........6 weeks later we go the results and thankfully we where told that it was 'just one of those things' and that it was nothing seriously wrong with my partner and I which had caused the problems.....our daughter had Triploidy which meant everyone of her chromosomes was XXX isntead of XX and that she had 69 chromosomes instead od the normal 48, we where told that Triploidy is responsible for the majority of miscarriages, although I hadnt miscarried, we had to make the decision to end the preganacy which was cruel enough in its self.
Nine months later and a lot of frustrated months where my AF arrived when I didnt want it to I discovered I was preganat again..... I was scared about what would happen this time but I tried to keep positive believing that I couldnt be so unlucky again, I was wrong.............I started to bleed at 9+5 the worst of it was that it was on a Friday night and when I phoned my Auntie who is a midwife, she said that the Bleeding in Early Pregnancy (BEP) clinic didnt open until monday morning, so I had the weekend filled with worry all the while bleeding, if only slight, and trying to 'rest' and 'keep calm' Monday morning came and we went to the BEP clinic, by my dates I was 10 weeks but they told us that our little bean had stopped growing at 5+6, in another cruel blow, they said that a heart beat would not always be detectable at 5+6 so i needed to come back on the Friday for another scan 'just to be sure' that was another week from hell.......at 5.30am on the Friday, I had my answer as my miscarriage began and within 2 hours it was over, I went back to the hospital to be checked over and due to the blood loss and the fact that my womb had emptied but my little bean was still in there I had to be kept in for monitoring, My little bean finally came out on the following Wednesday and we where once again devastated.
We tried to get on with our lives with the reassurance that we would be monitored more closely the next time, in the NHS they wont do further testing until you have had 3 consecutive losses!??! My 3rd pregnancy happened in September 2012, as i'd become rather obsessed with TTC, I knew by day 29 after my LMP that I was pregnant, I used an OPK initially and got a very dark line, I knew I wouldnt be ovulating so I went and bought a HPT which came back with a very feint line but as they say I knew that 'a line was a line' the next day we went straight to the BEP clinic where I was put on Aspirin and high dose Folic Acid, as i was only 4 weeks pregnant, if that, they couldnt see anything on the vaginal scan so decided to monitor my blood HCG levels every 2 days, surely this time we would be ok.............It wasnt meant to be, my HCG levels where rising but no where near what they should have been and despite my body continuing to produce the pregnancy hormone the pregnancy was not viable, In order to prevent any complications my pregnancy was treated as an ectopic pregnancy and I was given 2 Methotrexate injections to disolve whatever was creating the HCG.......I wasnt surprised .I just felt numb and still do really, I think iv put up defenses to protect myself and dare I say it but I just knew that it wasnt going to happen again.........
We where told that we couldnt TTC for at least 3 months due to the Methotrexate injection as its so toxic but in that time we where given tests to rule out anything genetic between my partner and I, its called Karyotyping, where they look at all of our chromosomes to see if there is a problem when our genes mix, the 6 week wait was horrible but thankfully they all came back normal......that day was a bit of an anti-climax as although we knew that there where no serious problems it still didnt explain why I had had 3 failed pregnancies..............
So........................Here I am, writing this, its been 27 days since my LMP and we have not been using precautions since the beginning of this year, i knew roughly when I was ovulating and kept an eye on my CM...........I know that it is very early days but I can feel the anticipation building already, I have tried not to think about the posibility of being pregnant but I want nothing more even though Im petrified of what may happen. I think I'll use this forum just to try and take the pressure off my partner when I start to feel like im going round the bend either because iv come on or because I havnt!!! ha ha. i know its too early to test yet but im wanting to already so the next week is gonna be pretty tough for me I can tell.
I dont know if anyone else will read this or if anyone can relate to my story or how Im feeling but from reading the other threads you all seem like a lovely bunch of ladies and I hope you can help me get through it all and I'll do my best to help others where I can
Love and baby dust to everyone
xxxxx
good luck to you xx
welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear about your losses and what you've been through, your story made me cry. Wow, what a strong woman you are 
I have had 2 mcs which were devastating, but nothing compared with what you have endured. I know what you mean about being apprehensive and your past experiences taking away the enjoyment of being pregnant - I will be terrified when I get pregnant again that it won't be viable 
to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
