my sister might be pregnant, but... UPDATE PG.3

[trixipaws]

she said she wont keep it if she is

she was only due on yesterday but said she has a feeling somethins not right and has gained weight, feels tired and needs a wee all the time.

what annoys me is- she never uses contraception, i think she presumes she cant get pg anyway coz shes quite severely bulimic and underweight. i'v known about this for about 2 or 3 years and luckily in that time she has not fell pg. i'v nagged her to go on the pill or something (she wont she thinks she'll get fat) and also to get vd tested and smear tested (she wont do them either )
it just upsets me that she'd abort a baby which she made no attempt to prevent creating in the first place. i kno i got pg coz i didnt take the pill properly but at least i made SOME attempt at contraception and i didnt abort my baby.

i dont really kno what i can do to make her buck up, only those of u with loved ones with eating disorders can understand how theres no getting thru to them and altho it sounds bad u cant help but give up and let them get on with it in the end.

if anyone does hav experience with this and could possibly advise, please let me kno what i can do, but tbh its gone on for years and its likely whatever anyone suggests weve already tried (still let me kno tho please just in case we havent!)

i just wanted to get this off my chest, and hope she isnt pg coz ill hav nightmares if she gets rid of it

 

[jenna]

Im not sure what you could do hun

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I was borderline anorexic for years, I say borderline because I could take it or leave it....I never actually fell completely into its grip. I would starve myself for weeks at a time, only eating pot noodles and then throwing them up, and then when I felt id reached the size I wanted (which for nearly 6ft tall and 7 stone was very very underweight!) I would start eating normally again - well as normally for someone whos shrunk thier stomach to the size of a golf ball, basically i stopped throwing up the little I was eating. Hell I dont know actually what it was as I never got treatment for it - I just saw sense eventually.

What I do know is that I didnt care about much. Myself espcecially, and any eating disorder can have its roots in either taking control of something (eating and weight) where everything else seems out of control, or self disgust and self hatred - the eating habits become a form of punishment or self-harm.

It is often coupled with bad depression, and we all know how that can suck you away from yourself, leaving you dispondant about important things such as contraception and sex itself, not really caring about consequences.

It doesnt mean she is completely selfish or uncaring about getting pregnant and what she would do if she was, just that she hasnt been in the right frame of mind to conisder thses things and think about her actions.

If she is pregnant and decides to abort, then that is her desicion alone and no-one elses, and all you can do is be there for her with a shoulder - she is really going to need that, especially if the realisation hits home of how she got to that place to begin with.

Try not to think of her as someone who is irresponsible, but as someone who has an illness that effects her ability to care about herself and therefore look after herself and take precautions as she should.

 

[budge]

she said she wont keep it if she is

she was only due on yesterday but said she has a feeling somethins not right and has gained weight, feels tired and needs a wee all the time.

what annoys me is- she never uses contraception, [/quote "trixipaws"]


your sister should be sterilised.
burns my ass when i hear such stories it really does

i sympathise with you having to deal with it

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Its not always as black and white as that budge.

 

[zebrastripes]

Hmm. If she is severely underweight etc, she may end up miscarrying anyway. That's what happened to my friend's older sister.

 

[budge]

Its not always as black and white as that budge.

agreed. BUT in this case though it is.

 

[Marmite]

I can see both sides of this argument, as I have not had an eating disorder, but I have been really down and not looking after myself and not caring about much. (much better now)

On the one hand, what she did was wrong, sure it was, and her problems aren't really an excuse for what she did.

But on the other hand I can also understand then when you feel down about stuff you dont really care much, I agree with glitzyglamgirl in that it doesnt make her selfish (although I dont know uour sister, she might be). I just hope you can forgive her, and be there if she needs a shoulder x

 

[Dee1985]

i always have to battle with eating problems its horrible especially when you are stuck in the deepest blackest hole and feel sooo fat.

but as far as being pregnant and wanting to terminate. i think iots horrible that she dont even care and use contriception. a girl i know is the same, she thinks the "pull out method" is fine and she needs nothing else and if she does gets preg she will sort it with morning after pill or if she dont have time then willpop to the clinic!!!! how horrible!!!!
i got preg twice with the pull out method when i was younger(but i had a m/c)

 

[mrs_tommo22]

All you can do is support her desision and be there for her if she needs you.
Theres nothing you can do hun, you cant make her keep a baby she dont want, but if she is she may keep it and change her ways.
You never know

 

[leckershell]

It's a toughie.

I went thru stages of very bad depression and I just wouldn't eat for months and thought nothing of it. I didn't think much of myself, and didn't care that much about anything to be honest. She may be in a bad state of mind, as GGG said, and I could understand that having been through that too. Having said that I did always use protection, but hey everyone's different.

I heard today a colleague of mine's friend has had 3 abortions in the past year and doesn't use any protection - obviously treating an abortion as contraception. I hate that idea, hate it hate it hate it. It's not my place to say abortion is always completely wrong - victims of rape for example - but to use it as contraception is beyond me.. the thought that the waiting lists for those who may really need it are longer because of people being purposely careless.

Sorry about the rant. I really don't know what to suggest. It's obviously her decision whether to keep the baby or not as it would always be a part of her life. I would suggest though that she may not be in the right state of mind right now to be as good a mother as she could be... have you tried suggesting counselling to her? You could volunteer to go with her... she must have underlying issues she needs help with.

Hugs to you for worrying, and to her - in her need of finding some sort of stability in her life sooner rather than later, whatever form that takes

 

[frangelle]

Its not always as black and white as that budge.

agreed. BUT in this case though it is.

I don't get it- how does having an eating disorder mean she can't use a condom?

I had an eating disorder when I was younger on and off for years, and can't see the link between the two ???

PLUS abortion isn't a form of contraception

 

[Babylicious]

I agree with frangelle, if she's mature enough to have sex then she's mature enough to use contraception

 

[budge]

exactly!!!

she made an adult decision to have sex! She should take the responsibilty instead of passing it on and making excuses!

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Its not always as black and white as that budge.

agreed. BUT in this case though it is.

I don't get it- how does having an eating disorder mean she can't use a condom?

I had an eating disorder when I was younger on and off for years, and can't see the link between the two ???

PLUS abortion isn't a form of contraception

Thats not quite what I said was it?

She may well be very irresponsible but what I was trying to point out was that if she is ill then she may not be thinking as rationally and maturely as other people would. I always used contraception aswell and have thankfully never been in the position where I would have to consider abortion (im pro-choice though), BUT I did have absolutely no respect for myself which COULD have manifested that way, and that was part of depression and an eating disorder - maybe different for others I can only speak from my own experiences.

I personally dont think anyone has the right to judge someone they dont know and their situation based on a post on a forum and there needs to be a balanced view.

 

[trixipaws]

i might text her in a bit, i told her to let me kno when shes tested, but not heard from her since yesterday. i really hope she isnt, but if she is i really hopes she changes her mind and keeps it
i love her to bits but im not happy that she might kill my babys unborn cousin its not the first time shes had a scare i wish shed be more careful (again i kno i cant talk about being careful but mine was one time and i'v got a beautiful daughter from it)

 

[budge]

i might text her in a bit, i told her to let me kno when shes tested, but not heard from her since yesterday. i really hope she isnt, but if she is i really hopes she changes her mind and keeps it
i love her to bits but im not happy that she might kill my babys unborn cousin its not the first time shes had a scare i wish shed be more careful (again i kno i cant talk about being careful but mine was one time and i'v got a beautiful daughter from it)

maybe you should try and talk to her about a more permanant form of contraception trixipaws
maybe the coil, the injections or even sterilisation like i suggested earlier.
If she doesn't want babies and shes so ill that she can't make rational decisions and repeatedly makes babies to abort them then maybe thats the best option.

i do hope for your sake she isn't pregnant. I do feel for you.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

I think if she decides an abortion is right for her, especially if she is unwell, then you need to support her in that, she'll be feeling guilty (hopefully) enough as it is, and it might just be the kick up the rear for her to sort her life out, but that doesnt mean she has to keep it if she doesnt want to.

 

[budge]

I think if she decides an abortion is right for her, especially if she is unwell, then you need to support her in that, she'll be feeling guilty (hopefully) enough as it is, and it might just be the kick up the rear for her to sort her life out, but that doesnt mean she has to keep it if she doesnt want to.

you see i think differently. people ought to maybe harden up to her and stell her they aren't happy with how her life is panning out.
if she is continually molly coddled and given rose tinted glasses to look at her world she will never change and she will continue being reckless with her life.
you only live once! its not a rehersal. Thats what my parents were constantly telling me.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

absolutely she needs to be told that, but it needs to be done with her condition in mind - she needs to realise that she needs to get help for her problems and if those around her come down on her like a tonne of bricks then it could just make her condition worse.