oh, need advice again!

[trixipaws]

on saturday during my lunch hour i went to see my sister who works at a salon in town every saturday- she texted me earlier to check if i'd be popping in, as she "wanted to ask me something", i kinda guessed what it would be, and i was right.

she asked me did i have any periods while i was pregnant with millie- as she's having ANOTHER pregnancy scare (she's had at least 2 already SINCE millie was born- and a couple before she was born- these are the ones i know about, there couldve been more!)

now can i just fill u in in case u dont kno already- she is severely bulimic and very underweight. she has an active sex life and has done since her late teens i think with several partners (not at the same time! i mean she's had a few boyfriends) but she NEVER taken the pill. i think not only does she probably assume due to her eating disorder she wont fall pregnant anyway, but i think she's scared of putting on weight from being on the pill.

i can understand to an extent about the worrying about putting on weight from the pill, iv been a bit like that once or twice but i take it perfectly now and whats more i dont have the same attitudes towards pregnancy and abortion as she does.

she says pregnancy completely freaks her out and she wouldnt hesitate to terminate a pregnancy. this upsets me, but each to their own fair enough if she feels that way. but if thats the case, why not be super-careful so shes never in that situation? she openly leaves herself at risk by using no contraception. if unwanted pregnancies are complete accidents then fair enough, but if they happen coz they are willingly exposed to occur then its heartbreaking that they should be killed

when i said to her well i didnt have any bleeding but i kno from u lot that there is such a thing as implantation bleed "where the embryo burrows itself into ur womb wall" i said to her she pulled a face screwed up her nose like its disgusiting!

i cant work out whether or not she secretly wants a baby, but i told her not to tell me about these scares any more as its upsetting that she'd get rid of it after not bothering to prevent it in the first place. she replkied "i im not saying i would definately" (get rid)

i havent even texted her since to find out her results (she was gonna do a pg test that evening) im scared that she is and what she'll do. i want to support her but its upsetting

i dont kno why she wont listen to me when i say how important it is not just to use contraception but to have smear tests (yes uncomfortable and undignified but better than a hysterectomy which is what the alternative might be! and they cost nothing) also to have safe sex and get an STI test (yes iv had chlamydia but i was stupid in my teens and paid for it dearly with the guilt of passing it on to my daughter there is sucha high chance of my sister having it as out of my 13 male partners the 11th one has slept with a girl whom has also slept with my sister's ex- BEFORE my sister, u see the chain here? iv told her this but as far as i kno she still hasnt bothered to test!)

what can i do shes not a kid shes 25 any advice please

 

[dannii87]

I don't know hun, but the scary thing is that with her severe eating disorder, it can muck up your periods and if your weight is VERY low, they can stop altogether so maybe it's that?!

As for her not using contraception, I guess you can only assume that she does want a baby. There is no other reason for it, surely?!

Is she in a stable relationship or anything? If so, then I suppose there isn't much you can do except to support her.

Maybe you could talk to her (I know you're pretty close) and just say that you fear for her wellbeing and safety. Not only is she exposing herself to getting pregnant, she's also at risk of STDs etc which she'll have to be careful of if she's sleeping with different men?

It's a really tricky one and I don't know what else to suggest hun, other than try not to worry yourself over it too much. She's 25 and she'll have to take responsability herself.

xxx

 

[fran_23]

Aw Trix- shes probably missing her periods because her weight is to low to ovulate-
I know shes your sister and nothing in the world will stop you worrying about her..no matter what!
But as you have already stated she is 25- not a child not even a teen..a grown woman!
it sounds to me like she craves for your attention and is a bit attention seeking by telling you about all these pregnancy scares and how she would not think twice about getting rid- i bet you she is way more careful than she makes out. Attention seeking is sometimes part and parcel with bulimia..not always but sometimes and also manipulative behaviour because its all about control- if she thinks she can get you to come running at the drop of a hat by telling you this stuff then she will.

Maybe she really is wreckless about her sexual health but even so i suspect you could talk to her until you are blue in the face and she will not listen. She needs to start loving herself and gain a better body image before she loves herself enough to respect her body and care what happens to herself or any unwanted baby as a result of her sleeping around in order to misguidedly feel loved and wanted. You can't single handledly help her you have enough on your plate hun! she has to realise this by herself and get help herself or it is not going to work! And as i said although you will obviously worry you have to leave her to it..i suspect shes gonna have to reach rock bottom before she takes any action for herself.

 

[dannii87]

it sounds to me like she craves for your attention and is a bit attention seeking by telling you about all these pregnancy scares and how she would not think twice about getting rid- i bet you she is way more careful than she makes out. Attention seeking is sometimes part and parcel with bulimia..not always but sometimes and also manipulative behaviour because its all about control- if she thinks she can get you to come running at the drop of a hat by telling you this stuff then she will.

That is soooo true!! Maybe it's that? xx

 

[nori]

Hiya,

She sounds like she seriously needs some counselling but i know thats sometimes easier said than done! I lost a lot of weight due to my crohns and my periods stopped for a while. The body is clever and wont let you get preggers if you arent well enough to look after the baby.

With regards to the contraception thing.. what about the coil? does that make you increase weight? STI's are a massive issue these days and so easily caught so she should also have a full screening.

To be honest though, all you can do is advise her..shes old enough to make her own decisions. They maybe the wrong ones but theres only so much you can say!

Claire x

 

[CH0C0H0LIC]

Sounds like she's going through a right old turmoil in her head.. she is probably longing to have a baby for the unconditional love it brings both ways which is possibly what she is desperate for, yet knowing that being pregnant makes you fat, which I'm guessing she is absolutely terrified of!!!

Also if she has such low self-esteem and confidence I doubt whether she qualifies herself as worthy enough to be std free to take a test (probably didn't phrase that right but I guess you will understand what I mean).

With eating disorders, it's mainly a control thing isn't it? (it's poss the only thing in the persons life that they feel they are in control of - even though by now I expect the disorder has control of them tbh). i guess by taking a sisters advice would be like giving the sister control so she would be reluctant to do this.

I think it's just a case of being there to support her how you can and hoping that something will happen in her life to give her the boost to change her life.

Sarah xxx
In life's orchard a mate will encourage you up the tree to the bigger and better apples, but a true friend will be there to catch you if you fall!!

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

I don't really have any advice but agree with what the others say. Sending you hugs