please help sorry this is very long.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by trixipaws, Nov 14, 2007.

  1. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    13,606
    Likes Received:
    0
    bit of background info first:

    until i was 12 i thought i was the oldest of 2 sisters. then my parents informed us that we had an older sister whos my dads daughter with a girlfriend he had during what must hav been a low point in my parents' marriage a few years b4 i was born. i was over the moon when i found out, as a big sister was a wish i thought could never be granted without magic or a time machine, lol!
    shes a really, really lovely girl and we get on well and i love her, although we're not close like my little sister an i, probably because we didnt grow up together and her personality/likes/dislikes/etc is quite different.
    anyway, she has 3 daughters aged 7, 6, and 18months- and she broke up with her boyf earlier this year. she was working full-time while he was a SAHD but now shes had to quit work to be a SAHM.

    so, she foned me tonite and amongst chatting she mentioned shes struggling now, not just the looking after 3 children but things like tax credits and benefits hav gone down with her quitting work so shes struggling. she also asked what im planning to do with millie re. childcare when i go back to work. well, the plan is on the 2 days my boyf and i both working my dads recently agreed to take her. but i lied and said i didnt kno :wall: argh i feel soooooooooooooooo bad about it! and i dont kno why i did it coz ill hav to tell her anyway when i do go back and hes got her!
    but i didnt wanna say, for 2 reasons- one is she might be upset that im getting something off him she isnt. shes probably felt that all her life coz my little sister and i got him as a wonderful dad all our childhoods we were a family, and she didnt she never lived with him. and shes so good about it too shes always been lovely to me, never bitter or anything like i probably would be if i was the daughter who had had the least attention. so i just feel guilty its like having to say he bought me a ferrarri and not you- i just couldnt say it! :wall:
    also, he mustnt hav told her yet (probably just forgotten knowing him, but it could be for similar reason to mine that he doesnt wanna upset her) and not sure if she should hear it from him first?
    dont wanna cause more friction or anything, they fell-out about a year or 2 ago, cant remember what it was about now but they proper fell out i didnt think theyd speak again, but now theyve made up and im happy they hav, dont want it to happen again :(

    errrrrggggggg just worried about this. i hate that i'v lied. and dread telling her. she might not even be arsed she might not think its a big deal like im imagining. what do u think, u think she will? and how should i tell her :( my heads mashed now
     
  2. Krystal

    Krystal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2007
    Messages:
    6,822
    Likes Received:
    0
    :hug: :hug: aww hun :hug: :hug:

    I'm sorry i don't really have good idvaice.

    Guess only thing I can say is at some point she is definately going to find out so it is best you talk to her sooner rather than later. I think your probably making a bigger deal of it in your head than it will actually turn out to be IRL. She's never been off with you before re your relationship with your dad so probably won't be off with you re this.

    Hope you sort it soon :hug: :hug:
     
  3. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    13,606
    Likes Received:
    0
  4. Slinky Sarah

    Slinky Sarah Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2007
    Messages:
    3,595
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dont really know to be honest but didnt want to read and run.
    Hope it works out ok in the end. I can understand your concern.
    :hug: x
     
  5. Urchin

    Urchin Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    16,848
    Likes Received:
    0
    I would talk to your dad, explain how this has made you feel and suggest maybe there is something he could do to help her?
    Even just babysitting once in a while so she can go out and meet friends.
     
  6. Krystal

    Krystal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2007
    Messages:
    6,822
    Likes Received:
    0
    i actually think thats a really good idea :hug:
     
  7. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    13,606
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanku i will :hug:
     
  8. Lou

    Lou Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2005
    Messages:
    6,776
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi

    I think you should tell her whats happened and I'm sure she will understand. I mean the reason you lied wasn't out of spite or malice it was to protect her feelings and the fact that you lied just like that without even thinking about it first, in my opinion, shows that you do really care about her and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her. Which is also the way your dad is feeling and thats got to be the reason he hasn't told her yet. I think the longer you leave it the worse you will feel and the harder it will be to tell her, which you know you will have to eventually, and to be honest if she hears from your dad first that he will looking after your LO before you've had a chance to explain why you told her a fib then its going to be more complicated.

    Go for it and talk to her I say. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and sometimes it takes a bigger person to admit to our mistakes and I think anyone with a heart will appreciate why you fibbed and forgive you!

    Lou :hug:

    Good luck :hug:
     
  9. Lola's Mummy

    Lola's Mummy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2007
    Messages:
    3,206
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with Urchin :hug: :hug:
     
  10. mrs_tommo22

    mrs_tommo22 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2007
    Messages:
    11,068
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think she would appreciate your honesty - but i would follow urchins advice and speak to your dad first then talk to your sister and tell her how you didnt want to hurt her feelings - im sure she would understand.
     
  11. Redshoes

    Redshoes Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    5,541
    Likes Received:
    0
    What Urchin said is good advice, I agee!
    Very best wishes trixipaws, hope it all works out allright, I'm sure it will :hug:
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice