winnie89
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26th april 2011- my rant of the month!!
Today, 18:45 PM #17
haven't really had much today, had a nice healthy lunch with hubby ( we had seared salmon with lemon and parsley couscous) i'm feeling very sick at the moment, don't know whether it's because i think we may have ovulated (keep reading the fertility and conception book and all the signs say that i have ovulated, but i don't know because my cycle has been so long this time, i can't decide when it is, but hopefully it's all going to be ok, keep talking to my sister-in-law about having children (but because she is pregnant) it's all the more hard- me and mark's family and we were sat having a nice relaxing drink (lemonade for me) enjoying the sunshine when the conversation turns to Hannah's pregnancy and i felt completely bitter towards her. (i know it's not her fault but i just can't help it, and i know if the roles were reversed she would feel exactly the same towards me) if it wasn't for mark changing the subject i think i may have burst out into tears.
the thing which annoys me the most my mother in law told me about 6 months ago that she didn't want to be a grandma at 42, and that she didn't think me and mark were ready for children yet, and i was very hurt, after all i have married her son, i have got a full time job, i am supporting myself and i'm 22 nearly who the hell does she think she is telling me how to live my life with her son, ok mark is a little more immature than me,but how in the hell can she judge me like that, i've been supporting her son since xmas and managing fine thank you. i just think she makes one rule for us and another for his brother and girlfriend, just feels like even though i have done this the right way by marrying him and living with him for more than 5 minutes that i am being scrutinised for wanting to have a baby.
i just give up with the world, i get scrutinised for being so young when i was getting married, can i help that my mom was 16 when i was born can mark help it that his mom was 20 when he was born.i understand that she thinks we are going down the same route as her and mark's dad, and that it is a big responsibility and it's the ultimate test of a relationship, but doesn't it porve how much i love her son by marrying him, i support him when he can't find a job, ok we struggle a little bit but we make do just fine- we can't have everything we want all at once but keeping a roof over my head is more important than possessions that i don't particularly need or want.
i just want a family so bad and i don't want to be judged at for wanting it, i understand that our families are trying to protect us by telling me i can't have a baby but they just make me want one even more. i have chosen my life and i'm going to start living it how I like it, not by how someone dictates to me.
feel a lot better now
Today, 18:45 PM #17
haven't really had much today, had a nice healthy lunch with hubby ( we had seared salmon with lemon and parsley couscous) i'm feeling very sick at the moment, don't know whether it's because i think we may have ovulated (keep reading the fertility and conception book and all the signs say that i have ovulated, but i don't know because my cycle has been so long this time, i can't decide when it is, but hopefully it's all going to be ok, keep talking to my sister-in-law about having children (but because she is pregnant) it's all the more hard- me and mark's family and we were sat having a nice relaxing drink (lemonade for me) enjoying the sunshine when the conversation turns to Hannah's pregnancy and i felt completely bitter towards her. (i know it's not her fault but i just can't help it, and i know if the roles were reversed she would feel exactly the same towards me) if it wasn't for mark changing the subject i think i may have burst out into tears.
the thing which annoys me the most my mother in law told me about 6 months ago that she didn't want to be a grandma at 42, and that she didn't think me and mark were ready for children yet, and i was very hurt, after all i have married her son, i have got a full time job, i am supporting myself and i'm 22 nearly who the hell does she think she is telling me how to live my life with her son, ok mark is a little more immature than me,but how in the hell can she judge me like that, i've been supporting her son since xmas and managing fine thank you. i just think she makes one rule for us and another for his brother and girlfriend, just feels like even though i have done this the right way by marrying him and living with him for more than 5 minutes that i am being scrutinised for wanting to have a baby.
i just give up with the world, i get scrutinised for being so young when i was getting married, can i help that my mom was 16 when i was born can mark help it that his mom was 20 when he was born.i understand that she thinks we are going down the same route as her and mark's dad, and that it is a big responsibility and it's the ultimate test of a relationship, but doesn't it porve how much i love her son by marrying him, i support him when he can't find a job, ok we struggle a little bit but we make do just fine- we can't have everything we want all at once but keeping a roof over my head is more important than possessions that i don't particularly need or want.
i just want a family so bad and i don't want to be judged at for wanting it, i understand that our families are trying to protect us by telling me i can't have a baby but they just make me want one even more. i have chosen my life and i'm going to start living it how I like it, not by how someone dictates to me.
feel a lot better now
its ur life.. live it how u want to!! xx
