My parents and in laws will not get on

[lealea85]

Ok, me n my partner have been together 11 months. We are ok despite the fact I find him annoying (lovely hormones). But this isnt about him oh no no no this is about his parents n mine.
We never planned to have a baby. I really wasn't ready. Got made redundant last feb then fell pregnant in May. Hubby isn't working. Long story.
Now my family are close knit n always help each other. So my parents stated that bcos both he n I weren't working they won't leave us to struggle n decided to help by buying baby stuff.
They brought practically everything. If I tried to buy anything I got told everything.
My parents aren't together but decided to put together.
I felt so embarrassed when my parents asked weather my other halfs parents had actually helped to get anything and I said no.
The look of disgust on my parents face was unreal.
My mum went "what kind of family are they? They don't help their own son n he lives with them? Not even one thing. I find that weird that they have a grandchild on the way n they don't help".
My mum n dad were in agreeance. Then mum went on to tell the rest of the fam who also agreed.
It was uncomfortable but I see where they are coming from. It's not like they can't afford to help but I don't know n won't ask their reasons.

I was arranging a dinner so that both sets of parents could meet before baby is born.....and Omg I wish I never mentioned it.

Dad said he refuses to drive up from Swindon to meet Ppl who don't help their child as that says alot about them.

My mum just kissed her teeth n said don't waste ur time it won't go down well. We are very very different in our parental attitudes n many other things so please don't bother.

Hubbys mum is ok, she is a gossiper (which I hate) but overall is ok. Hubbys dad is so chilled n cool.

So it's really akward. ESP when one of my aunts made a statement that really Peed me off I wanted to slap her!!!
"why are you getting so worked up, you really didnt expect that close knit family unit attitude did you. They are poor/working class White ppl, not middle classed, they don't take care of their own like we do." then she turned to me n said "you really know how to pick them. Should have found someone with simular family values. But as they say, you pick n pick n pick until you pick shit"

I went red in the face, I've never wanted to hit a member of family until that day.
I've stopped talking to my aunt but I don't know what to do in regards to my parents.

 

[LilyMac]

Oh Hun that's really awful.
My OH parents didn't buy sweet fa for our baby either, his mom bought us a cheap microwave when we moved in our flat and said it's a house warming/Xmas present, cheapskate!! I don't know their reasons for not buying anything either, it's not like they can't afford it, they just didn't bother. Like you my parents bought most things and we were given quite a lot of stuff from my sister so I'm really grateful that we didn't have to struggle.

My parents were exactly the same about lees family, they couldn't understand why they wouldn't want to help their son out with his first child. We'd been together 13 months when Aiden was born and they didn't meet until that day and it was purely by chance that they both happened to visit at the same time.
I did say to my parents that I'm not really bothered if his family help out or not and they shouldn't be either, they'd have to meet eventually and they'd have to be part of Aidens life sorbet really should just put their feelings to one side and make the effort to get along.
They do get on quite well now, though they still really aren't amused by the way they behave but then again I don't blame them as my mil is completely useless so they've got every right to feel the way they do but they ignore it for the sake of Aiden.

I don't really know what to say other than maybe once bubs is here (which hopefully will be today!) maybe they will realise it's best for your little family that they meet and make the effort. If not maybe have a quick chat with them and tell them how you feel about the situation and tell them they don't have to like them but it would be nice I'd they could make the effort and be civilised towards then for the sake of your child.

Sorry I can't be more helpful, good luck, hope you get it sorted xx

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

I really don't know what to say as we're the same! OH's mum has only met my eldest twice, never met my son and his dad has never met my son but lost intrest in my daughter last year so we've had nothing from them. Doesn't bother me though cos I know my parents are their grand parents not my OH's. They showed how much they cared so I don't want them in their lives!
I hope you manage to sort it out x.

 

[amyjayne77]

Your mum and dad sound so lovely for helping out so much. I wish mine were the same! Maybe their reaction was one of shock and they might calm down after the baby is born an everyone is so happy.?.
As for your aunt, she must have pissed you off a treat! What a cheek to call your oh shit!
Still, you're in labour now so here's hoping they forget their thoughts and focus on the most important thing xxxx

 

[amandapanda]

Wow! That comment from your aunt is quite an insult!! Don't blame you for not speaking to her! Hope things level out a bit now baby is here......xxx

 

[teampc]

I really dont know what you can do about it hun, we are quite luckly that although we have a similar situation to you both sets of parents get on with each other.

Me and my parents are very very close, and they always help us out with things, they helped us with the deposit for our house, then they helped us with the decorating, then when we got married last year they paid for the whole reception and helped out with everything (even travelling the country collecting bridesmaid dresses lol) Then when we told them I was pregnant they have instantly insisted on buying the nursery furniture for us (as they know we wouldnt be able to afford much) and they are really excited to find out what we are having so we can all go shopping, I know they will end up buying loads for the baby as they are so excited about it all

Hubbys parents on the other hand.......nothing when we bought the house, nothing when we decorated (not even a hand with the painting), at the wedding they never helped with anything then said they would gives us some money towards the suits (as other halfs brother and nephew were in the bridal party) they never actually gave us anything, got to the wedding and they gave us some money as a gift...however my best friend who is a single mum gave us more than they did.
When we told them about the baby, they didnt react how Id expected, and so far they havent offered to get anything (I wont be holding my breath)

In stark comparison to this, we have helped his parents out a number of times, we lent them money a few years ago when they were having troubles (dodgy mortgage they had taken out), we have had things fixed for them as well when they couldnt afford it, but its like none of that ever happened

On the other hand hubbys brother gets the world on a stick handed to him from them, so we all wonder why they treat their 2 children so differently (This really irritates me)

Oh and we had a fire not long after our wedding, the kitchen was destroyed, and the whole house covered in smoke, my parents let us stay there for a few days while the worst was cleaned, then they had us over for dinner as much as possible so we didnt have to live on takeaways.....his parents never offered any support and never even asked how things were getting on - his mum came over the other day and said how nice the house was looking now and had we redecorated......er we had a fire the insurance has redecorated you stupid woman

My parents dont understand why his parents are like that but they still get on with them

To be honest I have a bigger problem with them than my parents do lol



God sorry, my replay to you has turned into a huge rant



Maybe once baby arrives and your parents have to attend things together they will start to get on, or you could just be straight with them, tell them they need to atleast meet and be civil otherwise all they are doing is causing you unnecessary hassle

 

[lealea85]

It seems to be a common thing. Now that baby is here it's no better.
My mum said she don't want to know n isn't interested in meeting marks parents.

So it's just how it is.

 

[lealea85]

It seems to be a common thing. Now that baby is here it's no better.
My mum said she don't want to know n isn't interested in meeting marks parents.

So it's just how it is.

 

[midnight]

well they will have to meet 1 day unless 1 set of parents dont attend birthdays or christening(if you are getting him christened) so just ignore the comment that shall upset you and just concentrate on your lil man we was brought up to stand on our own 2 feet so my mum isnt really the type to buy things as its our choice to have a child so its down to us to provide iykwim but my dh mum loves to spoil her granchildren so im kind of in a similar situation only our mums have met they are 2 totally different nannas but do get along thankfully just because 1 grandparent showers the child with gifts ect it makes no difference so long as he is loved by both they are both equally important in your little mans life xxx