My bloody family

[poochielove]

My family are not the most tactile people ever and always have something to say about anything i do and dont take the hint when i want to be left alone. Since having Teddy they have been so unhelpful and just keep getting in the way!!! OH's mum comes over and gives me a break so i can have a bath and a kip and she does the hoovering and brings any bits and bobs i need, but my mum comes round and just holds him while i run round making her cups of tea. She also just comes in with half my family talking and laughing really loudly and then just picks him up when hes fast off and wakes him up! Of course the first thing he wants is boobie and then i have to shuffle off upstairs to feed him as i really dont feel comfortable with family members i probaly see once a year watching me breastfeed my son!
When i had given birth to him i sent a text explaining he was in intensive care and i had only just got down to the ward at 5am and i was going to try and get some sleep. I woke up at 8am with 4 missed calls from them on my mobile and then the nurse came in and said they had rang the ward twice! I had only been asleep for 3 hours! I called them and the first thing they said was "What time can we visit?" i was gob smacked as i had seen my son for a grand total of about 10 minutes in an incubator, covered in wires and a machine breathing for him. I tried to explain that Dan was coming to the hospital at 11am so we could talk to the consultant about what was wrong. Visiting times were at 3pm and i was having a sleep as i hadnt had much and in comes my mum and dad! They then said oh we will have to take it in turns as theres your grandparents outside! I mean what the hell? I was really upset and hadnt even held my baby yet and they were inviting people to come and see him. I was still in a state of shock and my dad just started shoving a camera in my face.
The next day was the same and the next. I told my mum when he was getting moved into my room and i would be busy and she still came with my other grandparents!!! They were trying to get him to latch on the boob before they would let him down and everyone was sat staring at me! I told them to get out as the most important thing was i wanted to get my son in the room with me. Why the hell couldnt they jsut wait 2 days until he was settled in with me? By all means they could have come once but to bring half my family when i was clearly upset and busy.
The last straw happened yesturday when they invited me round for dinner so i didnt have to cook, which i thought great! Someone else can cook for me. As anyone knows its a huge faff trying to get a baby settled then take them to someones house and put the moses basket in the car...once i got there there was about 6 family members there aswell! Straight away my mum picked him up and promptly woke him up so he started screaming. Of i sloped to feed him out of sight of people i would never normally see. I settled him and they continued to talk loudly and shout which woke him again. Then i realised she had fed these family members the sunday lunch i was expecting before i go there and i was offered a sandwich! I could have done this at home ffs. And today my grandparents are coming round even though i saw them yesturday! I have a million things to do and have hardly slept! Well they actually said "we will be round tomorrow dinner or afternoon or Tuesday...WTF like i am just going to sit here and have him settled and ready waiting for them to turn up?! I need the hours in the day he sleeps to do the housework or catch up on a bit of sleep myself!

Thats much better now its all out loL!

ETA: I am also fed up of my mum saying "ooo you look really ill/pale" WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ON 3 HOURS KIP AND CONSTANT HARRASMENT!

 

[Cixes]

I really feel for you hun.

You doing really well though, coping with a new baby after a huge scare and little sleep!

I think that your just going to have to be firm with your family. I know thats easier said than done but you have to get some rest and Teddy needs to get into some sort of routine or you will never get any rest!

I can understand that your family are excited about a new baby, but he will be just as lovely in a few weeks too when you have had chance to rest and organise your life again, give them a gentle reminder about that and just say that you don't want to sound ungreatful or mean but you really do need to get over the birth at the moment and that means sleep!

I can honestly say you can probably get away with being rude at the moment because they will get over it, if they take offence then they have less chance of spending time with him so i doubt they will cross the line.
Just tell them how it is, and maybe get a friend or your OH to spell it out firmly to them too.
You have to do whats best for your little family now, or you will just feel bitter about it in the long run and it will spoil those early days for you.

Use the force hun xxx

 

[chaz84]

my was like that and still try and be it come to a point in stead of going mad i would word it so they thought they was doing me a favour like when they said ooo u look pale i would just say yeah baby didnt sleep much and if they said we will call round on such a day i would just say am gonna have to cancel i have got a million jobs to do and like i said am very tired at the mo so i am going to try and get me head down so if it ok with u i will ring and see when next day is best for u and me then ur in control but they think u are

 

[Sandi4Paul]

i'd agree with the others, i thin you are going to have to be firm when they want to come around. yes he is their grandson/ greatgrandson but first and foremost he is your child!

Just keep making excuses when they want to come around saying it isn't convenient, and you'll let them know when is.


You are a mother not superwoman (but sometimes it is the same thing until you hit your wall) and you need sleep. If they can't help you with that then they should definatly not hinder you in doing so.

Yur MIL sounds really good, for most of us it is the opposite way around.

Sandi

 

[Laur_250]

Jesus, if i were you i think i'd tell them i was going on holiday for a week and turn my phone off just to get some peace!!

They are being so un-reasonable, i think you definately need to tell them to back off a bit and to keep the noise down when they visit and run any visits by you first.

This is your baby, dont let them take over xx

 

[poochielove]

I know your all right *sigh* but i have always been scared to stand my ground with my parents and i dont know why. Dan is always telling me to stick up for myself. Anyone else, yes, but the thought of standing up to them terrifys me! I atill feel like a little kid if i try

 

[chaz84]

you dont have to be aggressive or ought luv just word it in a way that they will take note but wont take offense even go through in your head a situation what would happened and plan what u would say

 

[Sandi4Paul]

it can be hard to stand up to your parents, no matter how old i get i still feel like a kid inside.

however there is a line between agressive and assertive, and i think if you don't get assertive with them soon this will just esculate and you'll get waaaaay more frustrated. If doing it face to face is hard try over the phone. In the case of family that say they are coming over but don't give a specific time i would continue my day as normal, if that involves going out and they came over at that time then so be it, your life (and Teddy's) doesn't revolve around them!

failing that, when my FIl annoys me i count my teeth with my tounge. it distracts me long enough (cos i keep loosing count) and by that time the moment has passed (very weird, but the arguments it's probably prevented....).

Sandi

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

Aww hun have loadz of hugs

They do sound like they're far too busy worrying about the social status side of having a new born (by always bringing other people) and not your immediate welfare (how's a new mum going to survive on a bloody sandwhich??!! )

You're going to have to be polite but firm with them. Just try to explain that you understand everyone is excited about the new arrival but that you're making yourself ill running around after visitors all the time instead of resting and eating regular meals....so could they please cool it off for a week or two until you feel a bit better.
That hopefully should get you more sympathy than grumbling

If they still take advantage then I'd reccomend any or all of the following
* Turn mobile off/screen landline calls with 1471 after they hang up
* Keep the curtains drawn most of the time and the door locked so that they can't see you and pretend you are out or already asleep
* Deliberately go out when you know they are going to call around - can always make an excuse that you went to a baby clinic or needed supplies etc

Heehee

 

[ninjawomble]

Ive had to put my foot down hun, I felt awful but it had to be done

Not in a nasty way, but in a "can you not pick her up I just got her settled". and also a " I'll ring you when Im free as Isla isnt settling and Im knackered, I just need some time out" sort of way.. its hard and I feel bad, but it has to be done!

 

[MagicMarkers]

I did the shitbag thing but it worked, locked the door stopped answering the phone unless i wanted company or something done and told everyone someone else was coming round, maybe tomorrow, dont have it hun, and as for the sandwhich......... cheek of it !

 

[Sherlock]

Type this out, stick it on the door and don't answer it if anyone calls and its on there. Don't make exceptions. And if someone complains tell them sorry but tough, you had clearly said no visitors and explained why.

Thanks for calling
The night was appalling
Please don't be offended
It wasn't intended

But ................ & ..................

Are having a rest
Tucked up in their cosy nest.
We really have a lot to say
But could you call another day


I'd also unplug your phone after kindly but bluntly informing your family that you are exhausted and from now on you'll let them know when is good to visit for you. That you would prefer to not have more than a couple of people visiting at a time and that they stay only an hour or so tops. And then if they arrive and LO is alseep be clear that you don't want him picked up while sleeping.

You need to start being assertive now or else you are letting them set the precedent for the future with him. They may not be happy about it but will have to understand.

 

[mamichuli]

I did the "not answering the door" thing with my MIL. She was turning up every other day when Jessie was born (16 yrs ago - difficult to believe!) At first it was every afternoon - then my OH told them to cool it so alternate days still managed to interrupt nap time on a regular basis so i warned my Mil that if she came without warning she might not catch me as i was taking LO to baby massage in the afternoons - she ignored this so i didnt answer the door - she phoned in the eveniing and i said "Well, i did tell you" She never did it again, she always phoned before coming and if i said no, she accepted no! End of argument !

Lisa

 

[elysoun]

This is totally over the top and completely unnecessary. Apart from how tough it is on you, think of the germs etc all those people are going to be bringing to LO!
When we eventually have our little bundle, people will be over by invitation only and will be handed a surgical mask and antibacterial hand gel at the door (most people have already been told this). If they don't like it, tough sh*t, if they don't they're not getting in.