Mother in law wants baby for the night?????

[Colleen1988]

How soon did you all leave your babies with someone for the first time? my little one is 4 week on Thursday and my mother in law wants to have him next weekend for the night! I'm really nervous about this? Is it safe? Will he be scared if he wakes in the night to someone unfamiliar? it's driving me mad because I feel bad saying no, but I'd love the break im exhausted xx

 

[Pin badge]

We have never left DD, she's 15 months. But I'm sure she'd be absolutely fine, we just don't have any body local to have her really. My mum and dad live 40 odd miles away and watch her 2 days a week, we have left her with them in the evenings when we've been for a meal.
Does MIL ever have LO in the daytime? Xx

 

[Colleen1988]

No.. That's the problem, hes not left my side since he was born! he's with me all day everyday and my oh does 1 of the night feeds but a few times he's had to get me up because Isaac is crying his little eyes out! he's not clingy though, he's in his own room already (he snores so loud and I could never sleep with him next to me) he settles himself to sleep etc! The MIl works full time so she sees him when she finishes work but not for long, she doesn't do anything with him except a quick cuddle! I don't know what to do... I might let her but keep my phone on loud so if she needs me I can get home xxx

 

[Ella1979]

I would only do it if you're 100% happy to. Maybe it's just a bit too soon? I don't know. I've not left either of mine anywhere overnight and they're 3.5 years old and 22 months old, but that's mainly because my parents live really close by. I think I'd be happy for them to stay overnight now, but I'm not sure I would have at 4 weeks (my daughter was prem, so at 4 weeks old she'd only spent 1 week out of hospital and was still really tiny and everyone was scared of picking her up!).

 

[Orion]

Why not start with some daytime babysitting and see how that goes?

And don't feel bad saying no to anything you're not 100% happy with. You're the mother, not MIL.

I haven't left my baby overnight yet. He's 4 months old. He's had a couple of afternoons with his grandma but I couldn't imagine trusting someone to do the night yet. Maybe when he's older and doesn't need feeding in the night, then he can sleepover.

ETA: your MIL might not be up on all the latest advice so if you do leave baby with her, make sure she knows exactly how to make bottles, feed, put baby on their back to sleep, not let them overheat etc. and make sure she knows if you're routine is baby led so she doesn't decide it's not time for a feed or nap, and stress out baby.

 

[T84]

Don't feel bad about saying your not ready - especially at 5 weeks!!! Tell MIL you would feel better edging in a bit more, say a couple of hours at a time then half day etc. It's really quick for asking and she's probably just excited and getting ahead of herself x

 

[dolly26]

Hun I wouldn't feel bad if you want say no to your mil. My lo is 4 weeks and I couldn't leave her. Like I was at my mums one day and she offered to look after lo for me to get some sleep upstairs and I couldn't instead I dozed on the sofa. So it's completely normal xx

 

[El1en]

If you're worried wait a while but I'm sure things would be fine. At 5 weeks I went to a wedding and my mil had baby from 2pm until 5am the next day. I stayed at her house but she offered to keep the baby in her room so I could have a good nights sleep but I was there if needed. At 7 weeks I had a wedding evening to go to and my mum had her 6pm until 9am by herself. Both times things were fine, if left expressed breast milk and baby was happy as Larry. It's entirely up to you, if you're not confident then just wait a while

 

[Taboo917]

I would try and start off with mil maybe having baby for an hour or two on a saturday afternoon or something and build up to an overnight? 4 weeks would have been far too soon for me, only do it if you're comfortable with it otherwise you're not going to be able to sleep anyway so may end up more knackered than if he was at home with you?! You can absolutely say that he is still too teeny tiny and precious and you don't want to be away from him overnight-if that's the case and your mil will just have to understand. Alternatively if you want to do it I'm sure bubs will be absolutely fine, just make sure you tell mil everything you do to help settle him etc.

My lo is almost 8 months old and has never been left overnight, I've only left him with mil a handful of times (my parents live 7hrs away) and I don't think for more than 3 hours...I'm slowly trying to let her have him more but an overnight won't be happening anytime soon! They only live round the corner from us so I don't really see a need for it for us. Do what feels right and never feel bad!!

 

[littlemonkey]

It's a really personal decision and there's no right or wrong answer. It's up to you if you feel comfortable or not. I'm a lot more comfortable with leaving my youngest than I was about leaving my eldest when he was the same age. It's rare we leave the boys with any one overnight, I've just not felt the need. Plus I don't think it's fair really when my youngest wakes up pretty early wanting fed.

 

[CARNAT22]

It's a very subjective question and everyone will have a different opinion. My one piece of advice is if you aren't 100% happy then do not agree to it.

4 weeks is still very young. That said I've never left my almost 3 year old overnight!!

Also I'm not sure if it's just how you have phrased it but I really don't like the notion of your mil dictating to you that she wants baby on x day for y amount of time. It should be up to you when you leave your baby and for how long.

X

 

[Becky1]

I didn't leave my lo overnight until he was nearly 2yrs old. I didn't like leaving him at all when he was little and wouldn't have felt happy doing so yet I have friends who have left their lo's overnight so they can get some sleep. Like the other ladies have said what about some afternoon time? xx

 

[OMGbabyno3]

I left DD2 when she was 3 months when we went away and DD3 was 4 months for the odd night. Both with my mum.

During the day DD1 and 2 left with nanny and DD3 met our old nanny when she was 4 months.

My mum hadn't seen DD3 since she was 6 weeks old and got on fine. Sometimes you need a break!

But, I'm not sure I'd leave mine with MIL. I think I felt ok coz it was my mum.

Maybe ask her to have him for afew hours so you can rest or go out and see how it goes?

x

 

[Kiagirl]

My mum had Lucie overnight at 4 weeks because oh had an op and had to be at hospital early. It was fine and she stayed out one night a week after that. It totally kept me sane and they have a fab bond now and lo is happy to go to mums when she is unwell and they just cuddle which is so nice. On the other hand my mil would never ever in a million years be able to have her overnight she regularly forgets to change her when she has her for 3 or 4 hours. If you trust your mil then go for it but I personally tested mine first and realised it was never going to happen.

 

[Pin badge]

Maybe try a few hours or an evening first, mil is probably trying to give you some time to yourself so I'd accept a few hours and enjoy a meal or something? Build up to overnight when you feel 100% happy.xx

 

[Toni.C]

It's a very subjective question and everyone will have a different opinion. My one piece of advice is if you aren't 100% happy then do not agree to it.

4 weeks is still very young. That said I've never left my almost 3 year old overnight!!

Also I'm not sure if it's just how you have phrased it but I really don't like the notion of your mil dictating to you that she wants baby on x day for y amount of time. It should be up to you when you leave your baby and for how long.

X

I completely agree with this. I can't even leave my 6 month old for an hour with my mum without wanting to have him straight back. It's however you feel comfortable though and don't agree to it if you aren't 110% happy x

 

[Rooster30]

We've yet to leave our daughter overnight but my first born was looked after over night by my MIL at just a few weeks old. I suffered terrible baby Blues and PND and desperately needed the break - it soon became a routine thing and now my son and MIL have a really lovely bond. I have no problems with him spending the night with either sets of grandparents.

My daughter though, well, I'm not so sure. She is a very good sleeper and don't think grandparents would have worries with that regard... I guess I just worry about her. She has a very big bond to me and I to her and it breaks my heart thinking of me or my OH not being there for her overnight. However, it is something that has to happen... in three weeks time to be precise. I'm trying to get my folks to spend more alone time with her until then but we're struggling to fit it in. Argh. I hate it! I'd feel more relaxed if my daughter was more a bit happier around other people but so far she just wants her mummy.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with though. Don't do it because you are being told to either. If you decide to go ahead, enjoy your night off and have a nice rest

 

[xjdx]

There's not point in saying yes if your really unsettled about it. I'm going out in a couple of weeks for a few hours at night, chase is staying at home with daddy and I still feel weird about it. My husband doesn't feel uneasy about me having him all day,so I think it's selfish off me to be like that.
But then when I had my first nearly 9 years ago we had to move in with my MIL our house wasn't ready by then. I used to settle my LO and we used to go out for a breather every so often. My MIL has a great relationship with him and he sometimes goes for full weekends now because my MIL is on her own, he enjoys it. Plus Nannies can be more fun then a serious mummy telling you to tidy your room.

Do what your happy with xx

 

[H16]

I wouldn't let anyone look after Ruby overnight including my own Mum until she was 3 months old. My MIL wanted to take my child into town for few hours on her own when my daughter was 2 weeks old and I said no to that too. This was just my personal preference, it made me feel uncomfortable so I said no I felt it was too soon. You have to do whatever you are comfortable with not what everyone else wants. If you decide you really need a break and are happy for baby to go overnight then that is fine and if you decide you really don't like the idea and say no that is fine too. There is no right or wrong answer it just comes down to how you feel about the idea and what makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable. xxx

 

[Coletteypie]

Your MIL did manage to raise your OH - and he sounds to be in one piece!

Is totally your decision but I imagine it would be a nice break for you. As long as she isn't demanding the baby over night and is simply offering to give you guys a night off. The baby is so young at that age that they wouldn't know they where in a different place to be honest.