Make or break time for BFing- ffs!! updated

[kmac]

Hello

I don't know why I am posting this but maybe it's just because I am home alone (except for baby) and I just need to write down what's going on!!
And I suppose I'm hoping someone will say exactly the same thing happened to them and it all turned out fine!!

To summarise so far, my baby's weight went down after birth as expected. I was BFing but every time he got weighed he had gone down a little more. I had several different midwifes visit me at home - all with different opinions and advice (and scales!). Basically I was told to give formula top-ups then his weight went up so told to stop - then his weight went down again - and repeat!! The last time we were told to give top ups we tried but stopped because he was basically refusing them and didn't seem to need/want them.

So yesterday was his first weigh-in after a week of just BFing. And he has stayed the same.
He has been a bit snuffly so the HV got a doctor to take a look, and she thought he might have a little infection so prescribed antibiotics for it, and also another for his spots (baby acne).

I was then taken to see the regional BFing advisor, was there for well over an hour, and given a new course of action - to feed every 2 hours day and night, with him on one boob while expressing from the other, then to feed him what I have expressed.

This sounded fine in theory but that was only yesterday and I really feel like i am struggling. For a start the medicines make him a bit sick, and one of them says to be taken on an empty stomach or one hour before food - as we are constantly feeding or coming up to a feed this is a bit tricky, and this morning he just brought most of the medicine back up.

Also, i am stressing because I am an hour behind my "schedule". How can I make sure it's every 2 hours? Sometimes he just isn't interested at all (like when I hauled myself out of bed at 2am this morning) and he just dozes off right away. And I really tried to get him latched on but he just wouldn't.

And things happen that throw all the timings out - like when i had just changed his nappy and he immediately did a poop, so I changed him but then I left his winkie uncovered for a second and he pissed evrywhere all over his clothes so I had to change him again - making us even further behind.

And also, I am sure he is getting worse at latching on. But i hope I am imagining that.

Thanks for reading. I feel better for typing it out. ANy helpful stories would be appreciated.
I really feel like giving up. I am still in my pj's as all I am doing today is focussing on this. But for example tomorrow we have an appointment in town about our mortgage - I have to go to that - so the schedule will be out the window again.
And waht happens if his weight still doesn't go up? They keep mentioning the hospital For the record, he is perfectly fine in every other way - he's quite a contented baby and we can see him developing already - I am certain there is nothing wrong with him, it's just me that can't do this one thing for him properly ANd that makes me feel crap.

Another thing (sorry) my mum keeps telling me just to switch to formula as i am "doing him a diservice by carrying on like this". She's been away on holiday for the last 2 weeks so doesn't know the latest. She'll be home tomorrow and I am dreading speaking to her.

I went on a bit more there than I meant to. Sorry

 

[jills10uk]

for now, will write a more helpful reply when not getting bashed up the face with the remote... for the record, you can't possibly be doing your baby a diservice by BF.

 

[keli]

You sound soo down about it all First of all i'd really suggest forgetting about feeding every 2 hours. Just feed when babies hungry be that every 2 hours or every half an hour. It sounds like thats really stressing you out. Feed on demand. Cooper was on the boob all the time at that age i'd never make it to 2 hrs! lol. If you can see your babies ok.. contented, alert having 6 wet/dirty nappies a day then all these things indicate that babies ok. I'd suggest ( altho i'm sure you already do this) is feeding off the same boob for 2 feeds.. so baby feeds 1 boob, pop baby on that boob for the next feed unless baby really fusses.. the reason i say this is to make sure baby is getting all the hind milk, the good fatty stuff that will make baby put on weight. It sounds like your doing a good job and really want to persevere with BF. You just need to get some confidence as people have knocked it out of you. I take it babies been checked over for thrush etc. For tongue tie? You mention your latch, has that been checked out? Its hard but you'll get there

 

[beanie]

aww hun You are doing so well. I would forget about schedules and everything else and just go back to basics. Plenty of skin to skin, have LO close to you as much as possible and allow him to feed whenever he wants. Perhaps have a nice warm bath and let him lie on your chest, if he roots round just let him find the nipple and latch himself on. I find lying down with baby next to you is a fab way of helping a baby latch on.

I would also advise giving the NCT breastfeeding helpline 0300 330 0771. (7 days a week, 8am–10pm) or the La Leche League helpline 0845 120 2918 a call. They should have an advisor or counseller in your area who could come and meet you and spend time helping you.

 

[jills10uk]

beanie and keli couldn't have said it better!!! i agree with ditching the 2 hourly schedule and feeding on demand for a wee while. i think also the charts for babies weights are made more for FF babies as mine is currently on the 25th centile for his weight and the 91st for his height and doesn't look out of proportion and underweight, he is just tall and slimish. every baby is different and perhaps yours just has a good metabolism (sp!) and is burning off the food fast. it does sound like you've lost your confidence, it has happened to me too and people saying "put him on a bottle" didn't help, you'll get all the positive support from here you need and if you want to carry on BF, firmly tell your mum that you want to continue and would appreciate her support and not negativity. i had to do this with my DH,MIL and mother, i just said please don't tell me to put him on a bottle, its not helpful and i don't appreciate it, either support me or shutup.

 

[happy-chick]

Great advice already given. Your doing really well & I think you need to go with your instinct and if you think your baby is doing well & thriving then stick at it and discuss with the medical professionals, ignore anyone that tells you to switch because it doesnt sound like you want to and ultimately its your choice!

Good luck hun

 

[kmac]

Thanks for your replies girls

I will try and remember the points I was going to answer!
He has been checked for tongue-tie. And the adviser woman looked at how he was latching on yesterday. She said it was ok but could be better? And said when he gets bigger and has more energy etc it will be easier.

I was feeding on demand up until this point. And if he is looking for it between feeds in this regime I will still put him on - so far he hasn't really.

We don't have a full-size bath so I can't have a bath!!

And I think he is going to be tall and slim (he should be as I'm over 6ft!) (but not the slim bit!) and he could just have a quick metabolism.

i'm just concerned now because he doesn't seem to be spending very long on the boob. Only 10 minutes or so. Maybe he is just fuller because of the expressed milk? Or maybe his medicines are putting him off? They were supposed to help him!!

I am scared to ditch the advice they have given me because he is obviously being kept an eye on and if his weight doesn't go up I would have to explain why.

Oh well, DH will be home soon - at least I can get a shower then!

This is so much harder than i expected!!

 

[ToriElla]

BFing is such hard work! I loved it but I gave up after 6 weeks (I used formula too for some of that time) due to sheer tiredness and lack of support and hormones!!! I did regret giving up afterwards but at the time I couldn't keep it up - I put far too much pressure on myself and was too uptight about it all.

The helpline and support service that beanie mentioned sounds great, might give you the boost you need. How long did you want to try it for? did you have any sort of goals/timescales or were you just wanting to see how it went? x

 

[kmac]

I'll be going back to work mid-August so I was planning to have stopped by then. I thought that would be a reasonable length of time but I seriously doubt now that I will last that long!!

I don't know why I am so hesitant to ring up a support line
I think I'm just wary of getting another set of advice to add to the mix! Honestly, my head is spinning!

 

[mumtotwo]

Please don't be scared to ring a helpline. I rang la leche league and they were fantastic. Also, remember that the people monitoring your baby are doing so to make sure he's healthy not to criticise you. Your HV and breastfeeding specialist will be pro BF. I'm sure they'd rather support you with it as much as they can than see you move to formula unless that's what you want.I think sometimes you get conflicting advice because a lot of it is trial and error! You need to find a way that works for you. Cancel as many arrangements as you can -then if you have to keep the odd one you won't feel under so much pressure. I'm sure at the minute it feels like it's taking over your life but you'll soon get into more of a routine and be able to get out more.

 

[keli]

If you don't want to ring it then don't

My advice would be is just feed baby when baby is hungry... really it's that simple.

Try and forget everything else..the housework, washing etc. Its all about getting to know eachother.

And most of all enjoy it

 

[chelsea]

just PMed you but will write here what i was advised

i have been having issues with weight too, cass has lost weight too. i am relactating too so am still offering a bottle after due to that too but i have been told feed every 3 hours or if shes hungry before but not during the night as she will get into the habit of a night time feed.

after each feed offer a bottle and see if you can get at least 2oz down her, that way she is def getting something substantial if shes not getting enough from me.

i have given you my mobile number so feel free to text or ring it

good luck hun, i know how you are feeling!!!

 

[heles7]

I will try not to add much more advice cos the other girls have said it already but just to reassure you that my baby is one who lost weight in the first 7 days - more than they allow for so we were kept in and then a couple of months later he lost weight and we struggled to get him to gain and we still are really. He is very slowly increasing but only just!

Two GP's told me to switch to formular and I followed my instincts which were to stick with breastfeeding! It did mean we ended up in hospital having james checked by a consultant but actually it was very reassuring cos he was able to tell me that there was no illness and nothing appeared to be wrong with him. He was also very supportive of my decision to stick with breastfeeds when the odds were really not stacked in our favour.

By all means speak with the BF adviser again but if LO isn't hungry when you offer a feed, the don't force it but maybe try again half an hour later. You don't need to get stressed out about the exact timings, I think the important thing is that you offer feeds frequently. Little and often is all you need to remember.

 

[beanie]

one last thing - if he is feeding regularly (i.e. little feeds within an hour of eachother) I would offer the same breast so you know he is getting the hindmilk. C was a snacker - 5/10 mins each time

 

[Mildly]

Hi kmac Just wanted to let you know how well you're doing

I also had problems with Oscar and slow weight gain, he didn't reach his birth weight until at least six weeks old. The first weeks breastfeeding are really difficult especially with latching issues. Because of Oscar's tongue tie, I have been using nipple shields since birth and they have been fantastic. Before the mw suggested them, he was forever falling off my boob, but since using them he can latch properly and have a good feed.

Feeding to a schedule does sound stressful, poor you and Kian. I would just carry on with the demand feedings and not pay too much attention to the clock. Also don't worry about the lengthy nappy changes, Oscar always used to poo just after I'd changed him and then wee on me Pretty soon you will be a total pro and will be able to nappy change with your eyes closed, and it will take a fraction of the time it takes now

I did spend one night in hospital with Oscar due to slow weight gain and because it was the only way to get a referral to have his tongue tie looked at. They did a really interesting thing where they weighed him before a feed and straight after to see how much he was getting, which was really reassuring to know, other than that I wasn't really closely monitored, they just came in during the night to check on us and we had a room to ourselves so it was nice and private.

My HV was not worried about his slow weight gain at any point in time. She said that she could see that he was fine because his skin wasn't grey tinged and his soft spot wasn't concave. She said that breast fed babies typically use up much more of their brown fat (birth fat) in the first weeks of life and that the charts in the red book are actually more geared towards formula fed babies so not to worry if there is a change in percentiles.

I know you really want to exclusively breast feed and I'm sure your determination to do so will carry you through. Just in case things don't work out quite the way you plan, I just wanted to mention that we are mix feeding still at five months. Oscar had one bottle of formula a day for the first three and a half months and then we introduced a second bottle. All his other feeds are boob and I hope to carry on like this at least until six months.

Wishing you the best of luck and please let us know how things are going x

 

[purplebluered]

I have nothing else to add to the excellent advice given to you above. I just wanted to say that I had "problems" with Isaac not gaining weight and blah blah blah. I just found a supportive HV who was supportive of 100% breastfeeding and stuck to her clinic. The thing was, Isaac was thriving, developing and content in every way - except when it came to feeding time! He was obviously getting something cos he wasn't losing weight, he was maintaining it and sometimes putting a little bit on (sometimes 2ozs in one month!!)

Thing is, I know that if I hadn't been confident, I know I'd have worried about his weight. But because he was thriving and developing I knew he was ok. As long as he's not suffering due to slow weight gain and by that I mean becoming ill and dehydrated, and believe you me you will know when that happens, then it's all fine!

You're doing a grand job

 

[BabyMagic]

You are doing a great job, just keep persevering xxx

 

[kmac]

Thanks so much for all your lovely replies
I need to find a moment to read them all again and think about things - not going to happen tonight as I am so tired!! I reckon in the last 24 hours I have slept for a total of 2 (and that is a generous estimate!) and it's starting to take it's toll. I have been a right grumpy cow to DH who hasn't done anything wrong except go to work and come home again! SO I am going to switch my laptop off and make the most of some adult conversation (and enjoy some Haagen-Daz before my boob is required again).

 

[valentine]

Oh hello lovely - glad to see you posting here. So sorry we didn't manage to visit this week as I really wanted to help you. ASAP I promise.

I absolutely agree with the other posters. As I've been saying to you on Facebook, it sounds like you definitely want to continue breastfeeding, if not you wouldn't still be doing it. Most breastfeeders have a few battles to get through and come out the other side at some point.

I've said before and I'll say again, that NO-ONE can make you have him weighed. If you feel he is happy and healthy and just going to be a slim jim then I'd avoid clinics etc and go once a month or so, just to put your mind at rest. I know they are only doing their jobs, but I think having him weighed so frequently and by so many different people has just compounded the situation and confused you. I know I've the benefit of experience now, but if this was to happen with my second baby then I'd just hole up at home, feed on demand and let his weight level out. You would know if he was hungry, it definitely sounds like he's happy and satisfied and developing well.

I wouldn't get too hung up on the 2 hour on the dot thing, feed on demand, make sure he's getting the hind milk and CALL the NCT! There's some fab counsellors in our area who will come to your home and help or talk to you on the phone. Have you thought of trying Karla Napier's clinic at ERI (Tuesday afternoon drop-in) or at the Birth Resource Centre in Polwarth (not sure of time/dates for these but Birth Resource Centre does have a website)? She is amazing by all accounts.

P.S. I've definitely heard that Haagen Daaz is wonderful for creating lovely booby milk! Not really, but enjoy it - you deserve it.

You've got this far lovely, I'd hate to see you give up now as I feel you are nearly over that first six weeks hurdle. By all means, move to formula if you want, but I've a feeling there's a tough spirit in there somewhere that won't let you give up! Its funny that no-one tells you how hard it is, isn't it! I remember when you came to visit me and we had a conversation about breastfeeding, but I don't think anyone wants to hear the difficult parts about breastfeeding when they are pregnant!

Valentine Xxx

 

[kmac]

Hello

Sorry I still havent had time to post a proper reply on here, and thanks for your PM chelsea - I will reply asap.

I don't think it's going too well. I have stuck to the 2 hour thing as far as i could. Through the night I tend to miss one (last night I think it was 2 but not consecutive ones) out as i wake up with the alarm but fall asleep again. Wondering when I am meant to sleep at all?

Was upset last night, fell out with DH and I could honestly count on one hand the number of times we have ever exchanged cross words Wasnt a very nice end to Valentine's Day! He just made a comment and I took it as a critiscism which is how I see most things at the moment.

I am concerned now as when I am expressing sometimes nothing comes out, and when I do get some the volume isn't increasing, and surely it should be? I can only get 30ml max at a time, sometimes less. If everything is kicking in and 'supply matching demand' as i kep being told it will, surely there should be an increase?

I am going to go and weigh him tomorrow myself on the same scales at the health centre. Then I don't know what I will do. If he hasn't gone up I don't see the point in persevering. If he has gone up that's great, but how can I maintain it as I absolutely cannot keep going like this indefinitely. And if I go back to just feeding on demand then his weight could go down again. im so tired and i just keep bursting into tears I just don't see how this is going to be resolved.

Valentine - don't worry about not visiting yet - i saw your other post and don't want to add to your worries
We'll still be here whenever ou can make it. And I can drive now (got the OK from doc, although haven't taken the plunge yet) so I could always meet you somewhere.
xx