MAJOR rant!

[Georgie0]

Been in contact with LO's sperm doner recently to try and sort out what he wants to do with regards to seeing her etc. He has a 3 month old son (who was also a surprise he wasn't going to tell me about, i found out through Facebook) who he has welcomed with open arms. I have always tried to be understanding and tbh not rock the boat too much.

I got in contact with him and he said 'it would probably be best (yeah, for HIM) if i had no contact with the baby but i understand i have a financial commitment so will pay you.' Now, i am very lucky, i live with my wonderful parents and we have always said that if him paying means he wants to dip in and out of her life as and when he wants, then no dice. I have always told him i don't want his money. (he is not a nice guy, drinks, drugs and a lvely recent assault conviction for beating up his friend. I sure do know how to pick 'em!) I would honestly prefer if she had nothing to do with him, but i understand it is up to him as well as he is her Father.

Now i got a very, very sh*tty e-mail this morning at 4.30, stating that i was a complete b*tch who was trying to 'f*ck up his life and scr*w him over' (whoa, check out the amount of asterisk there!) and that people like me 'made him sick' (lovely!). I had also attempted to discuss the new will i am in the process of making to provide for Ava should anything happen to me, which was also greeted with a barrage of abuse.

I then, this afternoon, after i had mailed him back a wtf?!?! type of thing, got a very apologetic letter back saying that he had got in late and very drunk and was out of line. Cut a long story short he does not want ANYTHING to do with Ava (methinks he hasn't told his was-ex-then-but-now-isn't-ex-but-current) and has said he will pay but poor him, is broke etc. (not broke enough to stop going out on the razz, though) I have said, perhaps a bit out of order, but i've had enough; i don't want him to have anything to do with her. I don't want money off him, i will keep his details etc so Ava can get in touch if and when she decides she wants to but i want him out of our lives. Too harsh?!

AAARGH! This guy has done nothing but mess me around, i will never, ever regret Ava, but i wish to God he was a nice Doctor with a good job and a kind dispostion!

Sorry for the long post, Gaviscon, Raspberry leaf tea and prawn cocktail pringles (all i'm living on atm!) if you managed to get this far and not get bogged down halfway!

 

[Rayoflight]

He sounds like a complete douche canoe!

I'm a child of a father who wanted nothing to do with me. He paid nothing, he never got in touch.

It was hard as a little kid, having no Daddy. I always waited by the letter box on birthdays in the hope there would be a present from my Daddy. There never was. My middle sis was too young and doesn't remember him at all so she has always found the whole situation different to me.

But then when mum remarried, it definitely made life easier. Since I was 7, i've grown up with the most wonderful Dad I could've ever wished for. Mum and step dad went on to have a daughter together so We have a fab little sister. Because sperm donor was never in our lives, it allowed us to be a proper family. There was no splitting our time between families, we just got on with it and life was great.

I did always wonder about sperm donor though and 6 years ago I found him and went to see him. I don't know what I was expecting (a tearful reunion? Him to sweep me up into his arms and tell me he was proud of me? Apologise for never bothering?) well none of it happened. He was just a sad lonely alcoholic and it was the best closure I could've wished for. It made me appreciate my mum and dad so much.

So... As long as Ava has you in her life and people who love her and will help you bring her up, I wouldn't worry about the arse hole sperm donor. Xxxx

 

[Georgie0]

Thanks, that made me smile! Its actually really good to hear from someone on the otherside, as it were, 'cause i just worry i'm going to do untold damage to my child. She has a wonderful family, luckily my parents are still together and going strong, as are my Grandparents and my Brother is a wonderful male role model. I just think she would be better off without him only deciding to see her occasionally as he is paying for her and wants to get his moneys worth.

 

[Rayoflight]

My uncles were amazing role models for me.

My mum always told me from an early age that she tried to get in contact, tried to arrange for him to see us but he didn't want to know. At the time I remember feeling sad thinking "why?" but I'd known my Daddy (sperm donor) for the first 4 years of my life. My Sis wasn't even 2 when we escaped from him (he was violent) so she didn't know him at all.

Even though it upset me that he didn't want to know, it was important that mum told the truth that she tried. It stopped me blaming her and turning on her. I always felt anger towered him, which was justified.

 

[Georgie0]

You sound like you have a fantasic family and a strong Mum.

 

[Jaxx01]

I dont want to butt in and say the opposite of the above but Im in the same(ish) boat although my ex doesnt sound as bad

All I would say is that I have never told him that he cant see my baby boy as (and as much as I would love to change it) he is the father and has every right to see his child no matter what he does to me it doesnt mean he will be a bad father.

Just think about when your little girl turns round and you have to admit to her that the reason she has had no father is because you told him to stay away..how bad would you feel and if it was you how would you react??

He still has a right to see his child as he is her father

I know it's a really awful position to be in as Im in myself. I was in the same position with my first child and he threatened court..when I seeked advice I was told that most courts have the view that it is beneficial for baby to have access to both parents

Hope you get it sorted xx

 

[Rayoflight]

Hey I dont think Georgie is actively stopping him from seeing his daughter, she says he's made it clear that he wants nothing to do with her.

His loss if so! Bloody men!!!

 

[Jaxx01]

Quote : 'I have said, perhaps a bit out of order, but i've had enough; i don't want him to have anything to do with her. I don't want money off him, i will keep his details etc so Ava can get in touch if and when she decides she wants to but i want him out of our lives'

Thats the part I was referring to hun x

 

[Georgie0]

He has made it blatently clear he does not want anything to do with her. His view is, when i got pregnant he very forcibly told me to have an abortion and because i haven't its my responsibility, my choice and nothing to do with him.
I have agonised over this, but it is the money thing (i know, terrible) that is the main sticking point. I have given him every chance to decide what he wants to do, the only thing i won't allow is him to dip in and out of her life inconsistantly. Also, he is, in my eyes, not fit to have any form of responsibility for a child. He is a violent drug taker. This is the latest from him;

' i dont want any involvment in her life, I will not contest any decisions you make about her life or her guardianship. As for money my personal belife is that no one should have to pay for a child they are not involved with, however i realise the law does not agree with me on this and thus i offer financial contribution, however i dont earn alot of money and i am not in a good financial position so i would prefer not too'[sic]

This is the sober, less abusive and more coherent version of the origanal e-mail!

 

[Jaxx01]

Oh dear...yeah I see what you mean now!! Damn right he should pay even if he wants nothing to o with her!

Ive said same to FOB I basically said he can little man but I will not allow him to just turn up one month from the next out the blue...if he wants contact it will be regular and supervised to begin with (although he thinks this is unfair lol) but thats the way it is going to be...he needs to build up a bond with baby before he can be trusted alone with him...Im not leaving my baby with a virtual stranger to my boy!!!!

I really hope you get things sorted Its such a horrible situation to be in I completely understand as Im going through it too xxx

 

[Georgie0]

not pleasant, is it! I think it feels harder as i have a truly lovely family, full of good, decent men who would NEVER dream of acting this way! Mind you, what they currently think of SD is not repeatable.