Why doesn't he wanna see him?? I don't understand??

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by littlepip, Nov 1, 2008.

  1. littlepip

    littlepip Well-Known Member

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    Ryan's dad left me when i was 8 months pregnant and made no effort at all to attend scans, the birth, visit in hospital, help with ryan as i had a c-section. He would see him for less than an hour a week. I had enough and he didnt see him for a month then he said sorry blah blah blah and he started seing him again but kept letting him down all the time etc so again on the 3rd july i said enough was enough and ive had the odd abusive text from him and a few from his girlfriend but other than that nothing for the last 4 months.

    So yesterday i sent him a pic of ryan in his devil outfit just so he could see how bigs hes got, and he said 'what in the fuck are you dressing him in?' i said hes a devil, ure mum bought it and he said lol i miss him. and i said well it has been 4 months!!! and he said what can i get him for xmas?? and i said all he wants is a dad in his life! and i havent heard anything since, surely if he missed him he would ask to see him?!!?!? he lives less than a mile away!!!!!

    Why do i care??? he hasnt cared about him for 4 months and i know dam well if he says can i see him then i will say sure come over and i shouldnt be like that!! he has given me soooo MUCH CRAP over the last year, me and ryan dont deserve it, He doesnt care so why should i?
     
  2. lauramumof2

    lauramumof2 Well-Known Member

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    You care hun because you are normal and have a big heart unlike his dad.
     
  3. claire_louise

    claire_louise Well-Known Member

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    exactly what she said hun :hug: :hug:
     
  4. mummykay

    mummykay Well-Known Member

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    aaaarw hun :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  5. trixipaws

    trixipaws Well-Known Member

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    third it- im so sorry he's being a dick :hug:
     
  6. Sammystar

    Sammystar Well-Known Member

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    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

    bloody men :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
     
  7. keli

    keli Well-Known Member

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    It is strange how men can just remove themselves out of a situation and appear to have no feelings whatsoever :think: Tosser!! The thing is tho if you say no to him seeing Ryan then it'll be you thats the bad one not him for not seeing his son for 4 mths! :evil: :evil: :wall: :wall: If David ever bothers to get in touch i'm going to say Fuck off! loool. The reason why you care hun is as has been said you've got a heart and you just can't understand how anyone could not want to see their own flesh and blood! Sorry for the rant but :evil: :evil: :evil: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: xx
     
  8. littlepip

    littlepip Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all ure replys :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: Ryan is seriously such a chilled out and happy baby and sooo much fun to be with, why wouldnt he wanna be a part of that, after all he helped make him!!
     
  9. Slinky Sarah

    Slinky Sarah Well-Known Member

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    at least you get all the joys love.

    Fuck him. if he doesnt care, it is his loss. he has a mummy who loves him and would do anything for him. he doesnt need him hun and niether do you need the stress xxx

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  10. keli

    keli Well-Known Member

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    Has he got in touch since you text him?
     
  11. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

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    I could have written that myself! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: I still wind myself up that Phill doesn't want to see Tally. The worst thing is that people dont seem to understand why it bothers you so much until they're there themselves.

    You've handed him the olive branch all you can do is wait and see if he takes it. I've lost count of the amount of times i've handed Phill one, i've tried the whole "i dont give a shit" approach, tried telling him he's a pathetic excuse for a man, tried being really nice to him and putting the past behind us etc.

    He's there for a week, then he's disappeared again.

    I know people may disagree with this but now i wont let him see Tally without a fight, and he wasnt even asked to see her let alone fought for it. His mum sees her but i wont leave her there and i wont let him see her unless he shows me he's serious. She's learning those hwo are familiar to her now, and she looks anxious around strangers, i'm not going to let him be the stranger who's there once every month or two.

    It hurts so much because i cant understand how he cant love her when she's his daughter and she's perfect, i play with her little hands and feet and see her big smile and i wonder how someone can not love something like that. I'm sure you feel the same about Ryan. He's a gorgeous little boy and you know that he's the way he is due to you. You give him more then enough love for both of you. At the end of the day i just think Tally is better off without Phill, maybe Ryan is better off without soemone who's not going to put his whole heart in to loving him
     
  12. littlepip

    littlepip Well-Known Member

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    I haven't heard a THING since i texted him at halloween and its REALLY bugging me!!!


    Sounds exactly like me situation!! Ryans dad was there for a week then disappear again and i got fed up of it! Im not gonna let ryans dad just walk back into his life and expect it to be normal!! why should i?? If i was in his shoes id be sitting on his door step crying till he let me see ryan!! I love ryan so much and he really knows who i am now and if i leave him even for a few minutes with even my mum he gets upset and wants me, which i love but he aint gonna have a clue who his dad is!! arrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!
     
  13. Squiglet

    Squiglet Well-Known Member

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    Tbh it doesn't get any better as they get older... it gets worse...especially if they do "know" their fathers. The countless times Tia has cried on my shoulder because daddy doesn't want to see her, or he promised he would come and see her and hasn't. It bugs me that he doesn't want to see her. Tia is just the most fabulous person in the world. She drives me nuts at times, but she is kind, compassionate, loving, caring, intelligent and is every bit my princess... That he has and continues to choose himself and his friends over his kid annoys me no end. That was why we broke up and 6 years later nothing has changed, nothing ever will.

    People don't understand why I let him see her... Quite simply I want her to know him. I want him to let her down, forget about her, lie to her... like he did with me... because thats the type of person he is and when she is old enough, she will be able to make her own decision about him. I don't want to give him the satisfaction in the years to come to say...well your mum said I couldn't see you... I might not have the money to go over to the UK to let him see her... but he doesn't pay any child support, so I have a reason... on top of that he very rarely calls Tia... so I don't actually know when he is there so how can I take her to see him?

    I think as long as you keep the door open, you have done your best... if they choose not to see them, thats their choice not mine. And while it annoys me more than I can describe for Tia's sake, I know that all he is doing is proving himself to Tia as he did to me. I trust her ability to make a decision as I did. One day she will... and every smile, every high mark in class, every proud moment... are my moments.. my hard work... and he looses that... so I know I'm really the lucky one.
     
  14. littlepip

    littlepip Well-Known Member

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    aw that made me cry lol. I know EXACTLY what you mean. i want it to be the same for ryan but i said to him back in june that i need a break from him because it was to much stress because we kept argueing about him hardly ever seeing ryan. So i know that he will say to ryan someday it was my fault buut he never fighted to see ryan and hasnt asked in the last 4 months. i even asked him if he wanted to see ryan a few weeks ago and there was no reply so what else can i do? Id be gutted if ryans dad blamed it on me for him not being a part of his life. I havent even got ONE picture of ryan and his dad, surely he should have at least that?
     
  15. abcd1234

    abcd1234 Well-Known Member

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    Me either, that makes me sad tbh, she'll never know she ever met him
     
  16. claire_louise

    claire_louise Well-Known Member

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    i know what you mean bout photos hun :hug:

    i think i've got one crappy pic of my ex, and a stupid little soft toy beaver he put in my car, thats all i have show my LO

    :hug: :hug: :hug: for you
     
  17. mamichuli

    mamichuli Well-Known Member

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    As Squiglet said, unfortunately it doesnt get any better, it gets worse....my ex spoke to my son on the phone on Sunday for the first time since August 20th, Vic's birthday :shock: and then he only phoned on his bd cos his Mum insisted, I know cos she does every year. He sees Jessie (my eldest) once a week because she goes to visit him. She's sixteen and it is her choice to visit him. She says that he is sober at present and she knows it wont last forever, so she wants to have the time she can of seeing him, cos she wont when he starts drinking again...pathetic, poor kid. In the five years we have been separated, he has missed their birthdays (he only started phoning on their birthdays two years ago, when he went to live with his mother), christmas, never a present for them, nothing. Not even a miserable phone call. Now he is sober he takes a nominal amount of interest in Jess and next to none in Victor. Such is life. Personally i would just like him to disappear totally from their lives and stop hurting them.

    Lisa
     

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