Lost my baby at 20 weeks and 5 days

[rossyrozela]

Hiya everyone

i lost my baby 2 weeks ago,wehn i went for my 20 weeks scan i was told the baby has so many abnormalities due to chromosomes and that it wouldnt survive,the baby also had one hand missing.the strange thing is that at 12 weeks and 5 days scan the sonographer stated in my report that both hands and feet were visible and normal. So on that specific day that i was given the bad news,i was told by my consultant to go online and look up maristopes and after that i should ring her back and she will provide me with a referral,when i phoned her she told me just to go ahead.i went to maristopes without areferral and i was booked and on the 20th of october they performed the procedure,it was the most painful procedure that i have ever had to go through.i was in pain for 3 hours without any pain killers,the pain was so bad and i demanded an ambulance and thats the time the surgeon asked them to take me in.also after i was booked in my consultant phoned me to tell me that she would do me ac-section to terminate the baby,i was so confused because she had asked me to ring maristopes then again asking me to go in for a c-section,why would i want ac-section for ababy iam not going to keep.
I was treated so badly by the nhs and i decided to complain.
Another thing is that,when wome are being given the 12 weeks scan why would the sonographer say both the hands and the feets are visible then at 20 weeks scan one hand is not there and its just a frump,she said it was visible.
I would like to try again i know that it is scary as iam over 35,my youngest son is 3 and ahalf ,iam not afraid to try but i dont think i will go for the amnio centesis as it can also lead to amiscarriage,what i want if i ever get pregnant again is proper sonographer and proper consultants who know what they are doing,i also had unprotected sex yesterday and my termination was on the 20th so if it happens it happens.

 

[kra0]

I really am so sorry to hear this, how traumatic bless you.. That's disgusting how you've been treated. Silly question,but how are you feeling? You're not too old at all don't be silly, when you are ready to try again after losing a baby is entirely your choice so if you're feeling up to it I wish you the very best of luck xxxx

 

[rossyrozela]

thanks for asking,i still feel very sad,i dont regret having made the decision to have the termination because if i could have continued with the pregnancy that could have been very sellfish of me ,bringing into the world ababy with so many abnormalities and putting her through that agonising pain of treatment and all that.I bought apendant that stays on my neck just to remember her,mind you by the time i was 20 weeks she was already kicking and i had built that special bond,i knew she kicked every motning and every evening and when i wanted her to kick during the day i knew i only had to eat or drink something sweet.My recovery from the termination was not so bad,i would saythis week i felt fit again.How i feel about the NHS i think for top consultants to make the mistake that they made with me it is terrible and noone should have to go through what i went through.Women should be careful and ask questions when they have their 12 weeks scan,sometimes you get lazy sonographers who just want to get it over and done with ,maybe rushing for lunch and they dont check properly.If this sonographer did check my scan properly she could have atleast seen some red flags and maybe i didnt have to wait until 20 weeks to her the termination.it hurts ,its painful when the pregnancy has progressed when an abortion has to be performed,what i have done was called surgical abortion and it is carried out in 2 stages,it is horrible.Another painful thing i saw when i was there was young girls coming in for an abortion and spoke to one who was 18 and she told me it is her 3 time and when i asked her why she said she just doesnt want a baby and there i was wanted my baby so much.

 

[netty]

hun i am so sorry about the way you have been treated and more so for your loss. so so sad to see your post

 

[angelcake71]

Aww you poor thing that is so sad.
you are not old hun .. I am 40 and still ttc..
I wish you lots of luck.. tsker thing slowly hun and be kind to yourself xx

 

[hayes]

Im am so sorry to hear your sad news.

Michelle. x

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

hey sweetie, i thought they only checked limbs on the 12 week, like arms and legs but that hands and feet were a bit small to see?

also it might have been that the cord was wrapped around a hand which will stop it from growing...

have you been offered a postmortem? I lost my little girl at 23 weeks and they offered me a postmortem which i am hoping will give me some information x

I am so sorry you were treated so terribly, i was incredibly lucky that my experience was a caring one, despite the devistation obviously x

I can understand you wanting to start again... i just wanted to be pregnant again, i felt so empty, so completely empty

But i think that has faded a lot, i still do want to be pregnant again, i have still got to fufil that image of family which i have in my head now... of Jasper having a little sibling... of a house full of babies

but we will have to see what happens, i know i feel more at peace at what happened to me now, i dont think i will ever fully recover from it but i will do my best xx

There is a great support network here to help you through this time, your not alone though your experience is unique, we are all together going through it xx

hope to see you in TTC very soon xx

 

[k8_005]

I lost my first at 16weeks via surgical termination also due to abnormalitys and second at 12 weeks again same reasons. I had the choice of induced labour at hospital or abortion clinic like you I choose clinic. First time I used bpas and they were just as bad as Marie stopes who I used second time at least at m.stopes it was not drawn out longer than Ness and they were kind towards me actually having read my notes. It's an awful place to go and even worse when you really want your baby and all around u people don't. Here if you want to talk. The further along you are the more painful it is my first one I had 2 stage so pill then d&c I asked for each to be done under full general no way was I being awake. The pill bit was painful but worse for me was the sickness I had with it all . It must be so much worse being further along I really feel for you xxxxx

 

[ZMD]

Can't even begin to imagine what your going through, so sorry for your loss Hun xx

 

[rossyrozela]

Yes they only check limbs at 12 weeks and when i had my 12 weeks scan both the 2 feet and two hands were visible and that is what it says in my scan report then at 20 weeks scan they said one of the hands was not formed ,looked abnormal and it was only like afrump.So if at 12 weeks scan both hands were visible my question remains where or what happened that at 20 weeks the fully visible arm was missing.I think if the sonographer could have looked carefully she could have seen abnormality at 12 weeks and she could have saved me the pain of going through the termination at 20 weeks

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I think its just too small to tell sweetie x

if the hand was deformed a bit it could have been something only noticeable at the 20 week scan... they wouldnt have put you through those 8 weeks for nothing

so sorry for you, it must be very very hard x

 

[dyscochick]

I agree with Fi, they would have seen what was appropriate for a 12 week hand which is far smaller than what would be present at 20 weeks and if the hand hasn't developed beyond that stage it would then be visible at the 20 week scan. I'm so shocked that this is dealt with outside the NHS by abortion clinics. its so unfair and upsetting for you to be in that situation. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, k8 and Rossy.

 

[Berryripe]

oh hunny, i feel so so sad reading this . i cant imagine what it must feel like..... OMG. just hang in there luv, the important thing is that you are safe and healthy and can always have another baby. warmest hugs with lotsa luv.

 

[rossyrozela]

Hi Fi now this is where we have the problem,if it is too small to see the limps how come the sonographer saw it,i quote my 12 weeks scan report below
Fetal anatomy:skull/brain appears normal,abdomen appears normal,hands both visible,feet both visible
Diagonosis: No obvious foetal abnormality

Then at 20 weeks and 5 days scan one hand was not there,if both hands were visible to the sonographer at 12 weeks how come at 20 weeks it was not visible ,this is where we have a problem and we believe that we were misled to blieve all was ok and things were not just checked properly.
I also had the quadruple test at 16 weeks and that came back 1:11000 with no further test recommended.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I think that in the 12 week scan they can literally just see like a stumpy little hand whereas in the 20 week they can see the fingers etc.

I would ask them though really, are they giving you a six week check?

 

[rossyrozela]

Hiya,
when you aksed them to do both the procedure under ga how is that done,because for me i had the surgical abortion and it was in two stages,the first one where they insert the pill was done when iam fully awake and it was horrible,the second stage is when they gave me ga,so tell me did they give you the ga twice?

 

[rossyrozela]

i DONT KNOW IF THEY WILL GIVE ME THE 6 WEEKS FOLLOW UP,I HAVE BEEN GIVEN NOTHING FROM THE DAY THEY BROKE THE NEWS TO ME,ABEREAVEMENT MIDWIFE PHONED ME ONE WEEK AFTER THE PROCEDURE BUT THERE WAS NOT MUCH TO TALK ABOUT,I NEEDED THIS PEOPLE FROM THE TIME THEY BROKE THE NEWS TO ME AND I NEEDED THEM TO HELP ME THROUGH IT ALL AS PROFESSIONALS BUT THEY DIDNT DO THAT INSTEAD I WAS TOLD TO GO ONLINE AND BOOK AN APPOITMENT WITH MARISTOPES,NO REFERRAL NO REPORT OF MY 20 WEEKS SCAN,I HAD NOTHING.aFTER MY TERMINATION THEN I HAD TO RING THE HOSPITAL TO ASK THEM TO SEND ME MY 20 WEEKS SCAN REPORT,SOMETHING THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE BEEN GIVEN STRAIGHT AWAY .

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Have they offered you a postmortem? What about a burial or cremation? Any fetus after 20 weeks has to be cremated or buried by law.

 

[k8_005]

Hiya,
when you aksed them to do both the procedure under ga how is that done,because for me i had the surgical abortion and it was in two stages,the first one where they insert the pill was done when iam fully awake and it was horrible,the second stage is when they gave me ga,so tell me did they give you the ga twice?

No I'm sorry I wasn't clear enough I meant both times that I h
ad the surgery as iv had two terminations now I was under only during surgery. the pill was given to me under my tounge before hand while I was awake the first time the second as only 12weeks no pill was givn.I was in pain but no where near what you have described they told me to get them if I needed pain relief I choose just to bear it as for me at 16 weeks it was very severe cramping pain.much like when I passed the large clots after enough to double me over but the pain was not constant it came and went x

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

thats what i had too, i had labour pains that came and went, i had loads of drugs though.