Lost my baby at 20 weeks and 5 days

[lauralou]

Hi my son was born with talipes and this was picked up on the 20wk scan. Its common to be picked up then, but ive never heard of it to be picked up on the 12week scan. So i think they just look at the basics when it comes to hands/feet/limbs on the first scan.
I agree they shouldnt have said everything was ok if it wasnt, but i think they would of have a good look and if theyd noticed anything they probably would have said. I know its hard to scan sometimes, we had 6 in total as they couldnt see my sons heart valves, or get a good look at his feet.

Im so sorry for all that you have been through and if a mistake has been made yoy are more than entitled to conplain. You need help after something like this and i hate to think of women being treated like this after such an ordeal. To some experts its just another day in the office but to the women it affects it is devastating xxxxxx

 

[Corrinne37]

So sorry to read this post you have been through an awful ordeal. Give yourself some time to heal. xxxxx

 

[rossyrozela]

NO I WAS NOT OFFERED ANYTHING,NO POSMOTEM-NOTHING,LIKE I SAID BEFORE AS SOON AS THE CONSULTANT BROKE THE NEWS TO ME I ASKED HER WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE AND SHE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT I NEED TO GO ONLINE AND CHECK FOR THE CONTACTS OF MARISTOPES AND BOOK AN APPOITMENT THEN TO RING HER BACK AND SHE WILL PROVIDE ME WITH AREFERRAL LETTER SO AFTER DOING THAT I PHONED HER AND SHE TOLD ME TO JUST GO AHEAD.sO I WENT TO MARISTOPES THE NEXT DAY,THE SAD THING IS THAT AT MARISTOPES THE RECEPTIONOST WAS THE FIRST TO ASK ME WHY I WANTEDTHE PROCEDURE,I EXPLAINED IT TO HER IN TEARS AND SHE ALSO ASKED FOR MY REFERRAL LETTER,I HAD NONE.tHE I HAD TO GO TO THE ACCESSMNT ROOM THERE ALSO I HAD TO EXPLAIN MYSELF IN TEARS ,SO MARISTOPES SAID TO ME IF I WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO THEN I CAN RING THEM.tHE NEXT DAY AGAIN NOW THE DAY OF THE TERMINATION,I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO THE SURGEON WHY I HAD NO REFERRAL LETTER AND NO SCAN REPORT ,ALSO THAT I HAD TO EXPLAIN IT IN TEARS.oNE THING THAT I MISSED OUT WAS THAT WHEN I WALKED OUT OF MARISTOPES THE DAY BEFORE BY ACTUAL TERMINATION MY CONSULTANT HAD PHONED ME TO TELL ME THAT THEY COULD DO AC-SECTION AND I SAID TO HER,IAM ALREADY BOOKED WITH MARISTOPES AS YOU HAD SUGGESTED.i THOUGHT THAT WAS CRUEL-IMAGINE HAVING AC-SECTION FOR ABABY THAT I CANT KEEP

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

have just done some research and there is no legal burial until after 24 weeks

they should have offered though, my hospital did (although perhaps because it was at an abortion clinic its different?)

I really think you should phone MariStopes and find out what happened to the baby and where to go next.

 

[rossyrozela]

Yes it was an abortion clinic but i was told to go there by my consultant,she could have atleast offered me other help because i received none of it.I had never visited an abortion clinic before and isnt it strange that one always find themselves in places they have never thought they would find themselves in.NEVER SAY NEVER.
After my bad news all i wanted was someone to guide me through it all,abit of information to dela with it because it was my first time going through this situation.My experianced has changed my attitude completely,i used to be an outgoing person,i used to trust people in the authority ,i dont anymore,i cry alot, and it has also brought me and my husband alot closer,i used to be anugg but i dont nugg him anymore because he was the only one with me when i was going through all this,it has made me care only about my family and nobody else.I have changed alot.When somone tells me their problems that is not related to babies i dont want to hear it because iam thinking people have worst problems than that,loosing ababy messes you mentally for the rest of your life and how can anyone justify a young girl having an abortion just because she forgot to take her pills or didnt use protection.The abortion procedure itself is painful.I DONT KNOW

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

sorry it was so truamatic for you x

good that it has brought you closer to your husband, concentrate on the positives, its hard but there are positives. A few decades ago you would have had that baby at full term and it wouldnt have lived I know its heartbreaking but its better this way than that, thats why the decision you made is so brave and so just.

I dont think this is similar to an abortion, they happen much earlier usually unless there are medical reasons like what you went through

please be aware that there are those who have gone through abortions on this forum because of reasons that are justified and that they battle with everyday, try not to be too emotive about abortion because its not the same as your experience and you are both undermining your pain and also making judgements on those who lives you do not know.

there is no use in comparing like that x

plus i think it is not accepted on this forum to discuss abortions so i think perhaps try and talk about your experience as what it is without bringing that up x

 

[netty]

reasons for abortions are multiple and whilse some people use it for contraception others have no choice, like me.

Its terrible you had to go to a clinic like that when you have lost a baby through no desire of your own, you should have been dealt with properly by the NHS.

 

[netty]

btw fi, your comments are appreciated sweety xx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

love to you lynette and to ANY mama who has lost a child, regardless of why...

 

[rossyrozela]

I understand that and i apologise,i do know that veryone who goes through termination their experiance and reason is different and I undertsand that,i think i keep on mentioning abortion because i had to go to an abortion clinic and like you say everyone who goes there they have a reason to be there and i cant judge them,everyones story is very painful ,i have had the chance to contact ARC AND the stories i have read there is very painful and it makes me think that maybe mine wasnt that bad.Maybe women who go through this experiance should form a group to educate and prepare other women who might go through the same experiance.Like my situation chromosomes abnormality happens apparently all the time.

 

[netty]

It's bad that noone has answers in this day and age hun xxxx try and be strong it will happen for you soon

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I understand that and i apologise,i do know that veryone who goes through termination their experiance and reason is different and I undertsand that,i think i keep on mentioning abortion because i had to go to an abortion clinic and like you say everyone who goes there they have a reason to be there and i cant judge them,everyones story is very painful ,i have had the chance to contact ARC AND the stories i have read there is very painful and it makes me think that maybe mine wasnt that bad.Maybe women who go through this experiance should form a group to educate and prepare other women who might go through the same experiance.Like my situation chromosomes abnormality happens apparently all the time.

thanks for saying this xx

 

[rossyrozela]

Hiya FI

I hope you are coping ok,just today went and had aread at your messages,do you know what,when usaid you had lost abby at 23 weeks i missed that,i suppose i was grieving and only thinking about myself,i want to say that i feel your pain and i hope that you are coping alright,iam yet to get there,i have days when i feel so down,but despite all that i still want to have ababy,Iam scared of trying again but again i will never know if i dont try again.iam over 35 and time is running out for me so really iam just going with the flow.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I had a very different experience to you honey I wish that you could have had the same experience as me it was really not that bad and i had pain relief and lots of support

You will feel better soon x i am okay but every now and again the enormity of it all hits me and i get a bit down x