Losses

[josiegirl]

I thought I would put this here-I am not a pregnant teen or a teen mother but this relates to something that happened during my teenage years that I have to talk about somehow. I hope I can present this so that it isn't taken the wrong way and so that I am understood and hopefully can recieve some compassionate answers. If not, I will respectfully leave the boards if I have crossed the line, because I know this sort of thing is not well recieved.
I am a mother to a beautiful baby girl. She was very much a wanted pregnancy and I know I am a very good mom. I am living with a very intense amount of pain because as a teenager, I had really low self esteem and never cared about myself enough to have safe sex. I had a steady boyfriend and we ended up getting pregnant three times. I am actually a very smart person and I don't know how I could have let something that stupid and low continue to happen. My boyfriend was very young, even younger than I, and left everything up to me with the decision, didn't have a clue. I terminated all of them early on, and I am living with the pain and guilt of it now everyday. I DO NOT think abortion is right (people are entitled to their own decisions, that is just how I feel for myself personally) and I wanted and yearned for a baby so badly after such thoughtlessness, it was very painful. As a mother, I don't know how to accept myself having done this. I know there are many people out there who are trying to concieve. I know it was selfish and gross. I am so grateful that I have my baby now, I love her more than air. But I cannot come to terms with what I have done, even if it is in my past.
I am sure none of you would even think of going through something like that, and I never would in a million years now. I just blocked everything out back then. I don't know what sort of answers I am looking for, but as a mother and a woman, I don't know how to accept this.

 

[amethyst_echidna]

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry... I've PMd you, hope you don't mind.

AMETHYST

 

[zebrastripes]

No one with any sense is going to flame you for something you did years ago. I'm sure you were a completely different person then, also when you're young, you do some stupid things...some a little more stupid than others, granted..but that doesn't mean it should reflect on how you live the rest of your life. The important thing is that you are a good mum to the child you have now Have you considered counselling? It may help

 

[dannii87]

Oh hun, please don't feel ashamed... We all make mistakes and wrong decisions (for US) at times, and I am so so sorry that you are feeling the pain now... Sometimes grief and reality doesn't hit us until much further on in life and I'm sorry you're suffering now for your decisions...

Hope you feel better soon xx

 

[josiegirl]

Thanks so much for the support you guys. Even though I have pretty much moved on, I think on some level I am still working on the guilt. I am grateful anyway though, my mistakes have made me more selfless (or at least I work to be) and my motherhood now, no matter how long I waited for Ruby, has made me a better person.

 

[dannii87]

Thanks so much for the support you guys. Even though I have pretty much moved on, I think on some level I am still working on the guilt. I am grateful anyway though, my mistakes have made me more selfless (or at least I work to be) and my motherhood now, no matter how long I waited for Ruby, has made me a better person.

That's all that counts xx

 

[Penstraze]

I could be wrong but am assuming that perhaps the post on the article about 7 abortions and people's reactions to it have prompted this thread?

No one would say that what you did at the time was the responsible thing to do but we all make our mistakes and live with them the big difference with you and the woman in the article (from what I can gather never read the article) is that you know that abortions are not a form of contraception and feel bad for your mistakes in the past I don't think anyone could make you feel worse about the choices you made then you do already. I think that it is good you have learned from them and used the experience to make you into a beter more selfless person and a good mother and you now need to forgive yourself in order to move on, you were young, poor self esteem can really mess with logical thought and as hard as I am sure it is to live with you can't keep carrying your past with you and using it to beat yourself up with perhaps some sessions with a counciler will help you to forgive yourself I really hope you can do that it must be a horrible feeling to live with

 

[josiegirl]

Ha, actually I didn't see that thread yet...don't think I'll be checking it out though, I mean :
Thanks for the reply Penstraze.