Lodger aargghhh Rant!!!

[suzzi]

We have a lodger at the moment who is supposed to be moving out before baby comes along!

He is a nice guy and has a 5 years old girl who comes to stay on a saturday night, He has just got a new girlfriend and stays at her house all week so we never see him, which is good for us lol,

my problems is that when his daughter comes he puts her to bed then tells us hes off to his girlfriends house he stays there all night and comes back early hours leaving us to look after her, ok shes asleep but we still have to be there in case she wakes up or is ill. This has been going on for a while now and its starting to really piss me off, OH has mentioned it and said he takes the piss.

he only has his daughter one night a week and i think he should spend it with her or take her to his girlfriends with him.

he did on one occassion leave her in the house and go out till early hours, me and OH were out also, luckily my son and his girlfriend were in but he didnt tell them he was going out or ask if they were going out which they were! it was just luck that they saw him come in with his daughter and then go out without her and thought to check to see if she was still in the house otherwise they would have just gone. I was livid!!! OH had words with him too.

As its sat tomorrow im expecting him to just go out leaving her with us again, we have friends coming over tomorrow and think this gives us the oppotunity to say no as if were doing something even if it is in our house i dont hink we should be left with the responsibility, thing is my OH wont confront him about it even though he dosent agree with it.

What are your thoughts on this and how would you appraoch him.

 

[keepontrying]

You have addressed this with him before and he still does it?
I would sit him down tonight and tell him its completely unacceptable that he leaves his daughter with you - that you are going out and therefore will not be here to ensure her safety or soothe her if she wakes.... Tell her that if he leaves her in the house alone you will not hesitate to call social services and report him for neglect. This is outrageous!!!!

Try not to put your personal opinion on it, in terms of that you believe the one night per week he sees her he should stay with her etc..... focus on this child's safety!!

I find it shocking that spending the night sh@gging his new woman would come before his child.......

 

[littlemuffin]

I don't even know what to say, that is terrible.

I would tell him in the morning that you are going out with friends, and that if he intends to leave his child in your care, you wont be there. If he see's later in the day that you haven't left just say the friends are coming to you now, but you still don't wish to be responsible for his child, as they will be drinking and you are too tired to drive if anything happens.

Really I would have a word with him.

 

[Welshy1]

That's awful!

There are so many Dad's out there who would jump at the chance of spending quality time with their children and aren't able to.

I'd def put your foot down, his daughter's welfare is his responsibility. Plus his new gf has taken him on knowing he comes with a daughter and therefore has to lump it!!

xxx

 

[suzzi]

Thanks ladies good advice x x will speak to OH about it, the drinking thing is right to as im the only one not having a glass or 2 and dont want it falling on me if something does happen.

also if anything was to happen to me and i needed to go to hospital what the hell do we do with her, she wouldnt be able to come to hospital with us and the lodger is at least 45 mins away from us!!

i do feel sometimes im being a bit mean but i think its wrong, and since my children are old enough to look after themselves and if me and OH wanted to go out and do our own thing we cant, and with LO coming along soon well have plenty of time to stay in looking after baby. I like to have 'us' time on our own at the weekend while we can.

 

[keepontrying]

He is 45 minutes away????? jesus... i would feel tempted to get in touch with the little girls mother. This man is a disgrace!
gggrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

 

[MrsHakaxjdx]

He is 45 minutes away????? jesus... i would feel tempted to get in touch with the little girls mother. This man is a disgrace!
gggrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

i agree, i would tell her mother. one night a week is nothing for a man to spend with his daughter. i have a 5 year old, if there asleep they dont know whats going on, i would hate to know that my son/daughter was being treated like that.
hes your lodger and you are obviously nice people to put up with what he does. if hes moving out and finds a new place to stay who says that them people are going to be as nice as you, theres weirdo's all over x

 

[suzzi]

i have thought about telling her mum but she's a bit of an evil cow and would stop him from seeing her altogether and to be fair i dont want that on my shoulders, he does love her but i dont think hes got the common sence to know whats right and wrong, (or when he takes advantage) he sees it as well were in all night so its just like baby sitting.

thing is he always asks OH who is a bit soft, so i dont get a chance to say its not ok, i might say to OH that since we have friends round that for once he cant leave her. i might have a word myself and just say she isnt our responsibility and since we have arranged a night for ourselves he shouldnt expect us to look after her.

 

[MrsHakaxjdx]

yeah, you have enough on your plate! your to nice to put up with it x

 

[suzzi]

when he moves out he is going back to his dads house so i guess he will be doing the same, dont know if his dad will put up with it, but hes that sort of person who doesnt think he's been there 8 months and never replaced any food hes eaten, even though OH has said this to him a few times, hes even invited his girlfriend round and cooked a meal using food id bought for me and my kids and then i had to pop to shop and buy something else!!! so you can see what were up against.

he did say he would move out when baby arrives but i want him gone before. ive only got 10 weeks left!

 

[Lulabell]

I would try to get in touch with the mother and tell her. This is not on!x

 

[keepontrying]

Have a word with him yourself - tell him that your heading to the latter stage of your pregnancy and should you need to go to hospital etc or indeed you get an emergency requiring you to leave the house she will be alone and you wont be able to wait 45 min for him to return.

be straight with him , tell him that its not on - she is his responsibility and either he takes hi daughter to his g/f or he stays at home.... then next week i would give him his official 4 weeks notice in writingxx

 

[Princess81]

That is a disgrace! Totally irresponsible. Even if the mums a cow I would still tell her. he needs to wise up! X

 

[Bee7]

Cannot believe my eyes! This is a disgrace! You definitely shouldn't put up with this, you don't need the added responsibility of someone elses child hanging over you while you're dealing with your own pregnancy. If, god forbid, anything happened to the little girl while she was there then he'd probably have the cheek to hold you responsible because she was in your care. Think how this could affect your life/conscience?

Plus, as everyone else has said, it's ridiculous that this bloke can't spend one night a week away from his bird! If he only has his little girl once a week he should dedicate that time fully to her, not swan off and leave her with someone else. Have a word with him and if he still carries on doing it then you should tell the mum.

 

[suzzi]

im so glad you ladies think like this as i was begning to feel a bit mean but will defo be saying something x OH is bit more laid back although he does say (to me) he takes the piss.

and as Bee7 rightly points out being pregnant i dont need the responsibility of his child. I was livid the time he went out and my son ended up looking after her as if my son had gone out thinking the lodger was in he wouldnt of locked the front door, and if the little girl had got up scared no one was about she could of gone outside onto the road. makes me shudder thinking about it, and who hed blame! also my son had to cancel his plans with his girlfriend as they were going out.

 

[Sarah13]

I would tell her mother! Imagine if this was your child being left, i would go mad if my daughters father was doing this to her when he sees her although she is 14 now! It might make him face up to his responsibilities if she stops him seeing her for a while, he's off out every sat anyway! There's been a lot of women having babies early on here or emergencys you shouldn't have the added worry of what to do with his child if something happened while he's not there. It's not like she's even your niece or anything, he's being very unfair and selfish on you and the little girl. Hope you manage to sort it before tomorrow and put your foot down!

 

[Hunnie]

I would also tell the mother!!

 

[suzzi]

update today. the lodger turns up last night as he is having his daughter 2 nights this weekend, didnt really see him all night and when me and OH went to bed i asked OH if he was in, OH said he didnt know. I had a sneaky look out the window to see if his car was outside which it wasnt!!!!

this morning i looked at my phone and my daughter had bbm me saying the little girl was crying and was her dad in, this was 1am id not heard my phone or the girl, so my daughter had to go into her and comfort her till she went back to sleep.

im f***ing fumng firstly at OH coz he must of known lodger went out and knowing my feelings on this didnt tell me!!! and the fact my daughter has now had to get up and sort her out!!

im soo gonna let rip today!!! how dare OH lie to me for one thing! there is no way this is causing trouble between me and OH just so he can go sh@g hi GF.

AAAARRRGGGHHH sooo sooo mad!!!!!! and stressed!!!!!!!

 

[Iriki]

That is unbelievable behavior!!!!!!!! I'm truly shocked. I'd definitely have it out with him and while you're at it, give him a date by which he has to have left your house. You don't want to go into labour with him still there!!!!! What an absolute cretin

 

[suzzi]

i asked OH last night when he was moving out and he just said before baby comes, well gypsy rose lee can you let me know exactly what date baby is coming so im prepared!!!

im just so stressed with it all and OH dosent see it, ive said i dont want him here if i go into labour as i feel uncomfortable being around him while im pregnant as it is (thats just a me thing lol) but i dont want to be puffing and panting in pain while he is here if it does happen.

thing is its OH house and i moved in with him and his lodger was here already, he is a mate of OH.brother,

im just so fed up of the situation i told OH yesterday id been having pains and loads of BH this went on all night, not enough for me to call MW but what would happen if i had to.