Feeling fed up; whinge

[Merfairy]

Hi all,

Things are a bit crappy at present after my OH's ex wife demanded they tell their 12 year old, very spoilt and only child that I was having a baby. I did not feel this was the right time and thought we should wait a few more days. Ig noring my suggestion they told him and he was devstated and then she requested that my OH be on call to go to his son if his son finds things hard to cope with over the next week. Baring in mind he made an allegation about his dad some months ago and his mum thinks the son has some sort of mental health problem, oh and he is a potential arsonist; oh and he has some physical health problems going on and my OH and her have been paying for private schooling over the last three years (which is fine) but my child will not get of course!!!!

He then says to me last night that he will not take the money from his wife which is a payment she is to give him to settle the house problems (their house) because I will only take it from him!! I was so angry, he then told me he does not trust me and thinks I will have the baby and then leave, thus meaning he will have to pay out!!

It is bad enough each month he won't let me pay the house bills while he pays the rent, to divide out spending ( he earns more than double what i do) and wants to see my wage slip every month so he can work out how much money I am to give him, but he won't let me pay the bills which I would much rather do as I am starting to resent giving him any money at all. I know I have never been great with money, but I always have made sure essentials are paid out at the beginning of the month. I have a credit card debt after having to buy a car for work (had a shitty 2010) and having to pay tax and insurance etc; and I want to get the payment down before babe, I wonder how I am going to do it when I feel like I am living with a banker and there is no way he would give me slack on rent to get the card paid of!! I even thought about leaving him last night, though I see this isn't overly rational.. he will not have us buy a house as he thinks I will take it from him.. I made a comment about living alone in council accomodation with the baby and all he said was 'I am sure you would be fine'

I recently got a new job after being at Uni on and of for a year, and still it is not good enough and getting a job isn't easy these days... I am so fed up!!
To top it all I wonder if his first child will be so much more important to him then this one and that our child will come second to his son who has everything. Then my other fear is he will do a runner with the baby at some point using the money from the house (am I being completely irrational here). I actually don't think he cares particularly about me, or the pregnancy but baring in mind we had a mc in June for some reason I think he should be more caring.

I am feeling really unhappy at the moment... sorry for the rant, but thanks for the read in advance x

 

[Lexusno1]

Didn't want to read and run babe but havent got much add except I DON'T think you're being unreasonable with your issues and I don't understand why he has such a hang up about you taking responsibility for your share of the finances?

He can't treat you like a child just because he earns more.

Sounds like there's a whole load of complex issues surrounding his first child so I wouldn't even comment on that as I don't know the ins and outs except to say that your child should not have to take a back seat at any point.

Not sure if laying your cards on the table with him and telling him exactly how you feel would do any good but if he's convinced himself you're going to run off and leave him, he's not exactly doing much to prevent that by the sounds of it.

Hope you sort things out as im sure you wouldnt be having a baby with him if you didn't and that he understands his failings.

Big hugs

xx

 

[midnight]

just touching on the 12 year old as he ever seen a child phycologist? yes sounds scary but seriously its not he could have underlying issues my ds has severe ADHD and the stigma around it is that its due to bad parenting but its been proven its not the case my son is under the phycologist for this and is medicated during school hours so he can concentrate, people who dont know about his problems proberly think he is a spoilt little brat who gets away with loads and is naughty but he cant actually help how he is and does need constant supervising and strict bounderies, as for the OH did his wife leave him then screw him over because he sounds insecure and like he is testing you or pushing you now he may feel like why bother getting attached to the baby because you will just take it all away from me anyway so whats the point???

either way its him that needs to understand that he cant behave the way he is otherwise he will lose you and not because you dont want to be with him but because he has pushed you away hope you get this sorted xx

 

[purplehippy]

either way its him that needs to understand that he cant behave the way he is otherwise he will lose you and not because you dont want to be with him but because he has pushed you away hope you get this sorted xx

Hear hear!

You maybe ought to try finding a way to tell him that you aren't out for all he has, you love him. And that if he's scared you'll run off, he is already pushing you away with his current behaviour.