just feel like a bad person*bit of a rant really*

[BumbleTumble]

hello everyone

well, about this time of evening, i get panicky and paranoid about things i probably shouldnt. but idk

i just feel like i am an awful person. my pregnancy was an accident (a wonderful accident, but still). i dont know who the father is, and dont even know how to find out. ill be a single mum living off benefits, i dont even know where i will be living when i get to the later stages, could be anywhere.

i know about all the stigma that goes with women in the situation im in, some people have said horrible things to me, like im just having a baby to get more money and my own flat. i know that's not true, i would never even think of doing something so despicable, but who will believe me?

what if when my LO gets old enough, he/she will ask about their dad, will ask what happened to my arms. what do i say? really, what do i say.

i so wish things could be different, i wish i could work (again, sounds like another excuse, but i actually cant right now), i wish i could be in a stable relationship, i wish i had family that were close enough to support me with my decision to keep my baby, rather than constantly telling me i wont be able to cope and how hard and horrble it will be. well, if its so horrible, why did my mum have 5 children?
i just feel so awful. im over the moon to be pregnant, but im doubting myself so much, and i know people will judge me. they already do anyway.

sorry. i just needed to get this out somewhere. its way to early to be thinking about this. but i cant help it.

 

[Sam's Mum]

You have nothing to feel bad about. When it comes to it I would tell your child the truth - if anything they will only think you are even more amazing for bringing them into this world without all the support that so many people take for granted. Just because you might not be able to support yourself and your baby financially now that doesn't mean that you can't change that. I have a friend who got pregnant at 17, went back to college and then to university and trained to be a lawyer and is a fantastic mum to her son who is now 10 - ignore people who look down on you as you can show them how wrong they were.

I'd have a word with your midwife about support groups for both before and after your baby is here too x

 

[BumbleTumble]

thankyou very much for your reply

my midwife has told me about groups before the birth, like learning how to bath them and change nappies, which will be really helpful, im just worried about everyone being there with their parters and ill be alone.
ive been referred to a specialist mental health team for pregnant women, also a specialist midwife, but they wont see me until my care has been transferred properly from herts.

and social services. my first thought is that they think i will be a bad mum, and try and hurt my baby, which i know i would never, ever do. i used to work in a pre-school, i was just out of an adolescent hospital, but i enjoyed it so much, and the lady who runs the pre-school wrote me a recommendation and said i could come back and work there properly when i finished school if i wanted. i hope they take that into account.

im just so so sensitive to judgement and critisism. im finding it very hard to give up smoking, although ive gone from 20 a day to 2 or 3 a day, i want to stop completley, caffiene and alchohol werent so hard to give up, despite massive headaches from caffiene withdrawal.
i just want to do everything right, i want everything to be perfect. there is nothing worse, than seeing a pregnant woman smoking.

sorry about the long ranty posts. just insecure.
xxx

 

[Sam's Mum]

You've done so well to cut down so much with the smoking. I've had headaches from caffeine withdrawal too - I'm a massive tea addict

Anyone who gets involved is only going to be there to help and they have no reason to think that you would ever do anything to harm your baby - I'm sure the fact that you've worked with kids will show them how great you'll be as a mum x

 

[HeppiBean]

Im a single mum living off benefits... Cesca was an accident... But I think Im a good Mum I do my best, and thats all anyone can ask xx

 

[Bee7]

You're not a bad person hun. If you were a bad person then none of this would even be bothering you and you wouldn't be beating yourself up so much. Obviously your circumstances don't sound ideal but i'm a firm believer that you can achieve anything if you work hard enough. You need to try and get organised for the future. Put your name down for social housing, look into any extra ways you can make money (even sell things on ebay etc?), go to support groups, ask your midwife for help. There's lots you can be doing to try and improve things for yourself and your baby. Don't compare yourself to all of these 'happy couples' you see, it will just make you feel worse and everyones situation is different. Just make the best of what you have.

Are you in a position to speak to the possible fathers and explain the situation to them? Will they offer you any emotional/financial support? When baby is born you can take a DNA test if you choose to.

Good luck, hope you can work things out xxx

 

[Olive]

I agree with Sam's Mum Tell your lo the truth. Life isn't black and white and if you're a good Mum, which you will be, your child will love you no matter what

Def look into support groups hun. I go to antenatal alone. There are quite a few of us that do. In fact, I'd say there was more of us alone than with partners. One lady brings her Mum along.

PF is a great place to chat to people in similar situations too. I'm sure there is a single parenting section and the ladies in there might be able to point you towards good support groups.

xxxx

 

[BumbleTumble]

thankyou all

you have all helped reassure me loads. i just get a bit panicked sometimes! lol

i really doubt the possible fathers would want to help in any way. i havnt been contacted by any of them since and have no way of contacting them.

i have a meeting in a few months with bed placement to see what will happen. i dont think they will let me have my own place just yet. i know id be fine, but my mental health professionals are just overly paranoid

im really going to give it my all!