Jasper John Ryan, 15.07.2010 8lbs 14oz - BIRTH STORY PAGE 3
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x-misspinkuk-x
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congratulations hun xx
Dragonfly Fi
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The birth of Jasper John Ryan
Well, my waters broke slightly at about 2am on the 14th July 2010, I was in bed and thought I might have had a bit of a 'ahem' accident but I soon realised it wasnt that and woke Liam up
Was a bit too excited to go back to sleep (which was probably a bit of a mistake, I should have made myself get more rest) and we watched a film and waited for contractions to start
Finally around 5am I started getting some contractions, nothing tooo major but enough to keep me up and get me thinking, we woke up mum and got the front room ready for birthing – putting up the pool (which was amazing) and generally getting things 'ready'
we were all convinced he would be born that day, perhaps around 12pm
I laboured in the water for about six hours, Faith my doula came around 8am and I spent each contraction with Liam, Mum or Faith massaging my back and feeding me bananas. It wasnt too bad, the contractions were more than bearable with just some gentle breathing and massage (I got lots of massage, go me)
It was a bit like having a big luxurious bath with lots of rubs and nice things (accept occasionally I was in a bit of pain)
About 12pm the contractions were getting a bit more intensive and Jan one of the midwives appeared to monitor me a wee bit and also give me some gas n air (score)
I was aware I only had 2 canisters of gas n air in the house so I used them at first every third or so contraction, just to give myself and Liam a break who was continually rubbing my back through every contraction (lasting up to 2 minutes and 5 mins apart at this point)
After a while I got out of the birthing pool and had a little wander around, sit down on the loo etc
Around 3pm my contractions seemed to 'change' they because more localised in my back and much much more painful, too painful to deal with without the gas n air and just so localised in my back
I thought that was the beginning of the end so I laboured on through but nothing much seemed to be going on so I had an internal, I was 5cms dialated which was a bit disappointing really, I wanted to be there man I had already been in active labour for 12 hours or something crazy.
I carried on, got some more gas n air (oh yes) but after another internal at around 8pm (I think) nothing had progressed at all and my back was absolute agony
my main waters hadnt broken, the bit earlier being a cruel tease and I was really started to suffer from exhaustion
I also have an old issue in my spine, I dislocated my coccix slightly in my youth and ever since my hips have been slightly off center. I really felt like all the contractions were focussing on that spot on my back and that scared me a lot, it felt like something was 'stuck' and was directing everything to my back
My midwife had become Racheal by this point and she suggested that as soon as my waters broke my labour would continue at a good pace
unfortunatly they cannot break your waters at home because it carries some risk so we made a decision to transfer to salisbury district and have the rest of the labour there
we arrived in SDH around 8pm, I was given my own room and gas n air on tap (yay) and I remember my waters being broken and it being like a stream of relief and comfort. I then remember my contractions moving from the point in my back and spreading over the whole of my belly
it felt like a stomach cramp from weird food, period pain and needing a shit all at the same time... I then remember NOTHING until I transitioned and began pushing
Apparently I swore at my mother, tried to punch Faith and spent most of the time in between contractions cracking jokes at the midwives and getting high (I have no recolection of any of this though)
Then I can remember feeling like I would never be able to do what I had to do, and feeling this weight just get heavier and heavier, I finally had the gas n air wrestled off me by the midwife (I didnt attack her for some reason, much to the suprise of everyone there.
I can remember Liam not being in the room and knowing that the baby was coming soon, I can remember being totally just gutted that he might be missing the birth of his child as I began the final push
I was on my knees with my arms over the hospital bed and I can remember thinking it was very silly and I was pushing down on my knees. I begged for pain relief but I had soberly said I didnt want any and it was too late by then anyway, you have to feel that bit its the law
Finally I realised that I had to just do it, regardless of how I felt, regardless of that feeling of wanting to die rather than do
I jumped onto my feet from my knees, dispite being told not to (silly buggers) and got that baby out. I was exhausted, I had been in active labour for 21 hours and my waters had broken and woken me 24hrs earlier
I just kept thinking 'well it cant get any worse' and it did and then 'it cant get any worse' and it did. Liam was there again and he went down the gory end to watch his boy being born into the world. I suddenly found myself pretty alone, everyone had sort of headed south to catch the show and I was there with this wall infront of me feeling more scared than I ever had in the world
Everyone except my mum, who stayed with me and held my hand tight and told me I could do it and cried with me and let me have some of her strength
Finally Rachael told me the baby was crowning and that I had to pant through my contractions and I tried I really did but my body was just so tired I couldnt help but let it go a bit and I tore quite badly
LISTEN TO YOUR MIDWIFE WHEN SHE TELLS YOU NOT TO PUSH, USE EVERY OUNCE OF YOUR BODY NOT TO PUSH
because the after bit just aint worth it.
Liam was telling me I am amazing and I was wanting to punch him on the nose and I felt the warmth of my child for the first time and I felt his shoulders and knew he was nearly here. Its so hard to describe but I knew as he came out of me that it was HIM, I knew that he was my baby and in that second I knew that I would do anything for this agonising piece of warm that was being expelled from my body.
He was passed between my legs and I collapsed in a fit of pain and trauma (it really is traumatic) I looked at him and couldnt believe what he looked like, he looked like... well like someone I had never known but had always know. Every thing I ever wondered about who he was just slotted into place and I knew him straight away.
I was shakey and uncomprehensibly scared and I knew that something wasnt up and I could feel him on me but my body felt cold next to his and my vision was blurry and I couldnt speak or feel or move.
Thats when I started to feel the blood gushing out of me and the midwife told me she had to work and get the placenta out of me straight away because I had lost so much blood and things werent good. I knew that to be the case and watched as she cut his cord and poked about a bit and got the placenta out of me, which felt like my teeth were being pulled (only thing I can compare it to)
After that I was still loosing so much blood but Racheal was amazing and sorted me out before handing me over to a team of doctors who spent half an hour stitching me up and putting me back together again. I had given Jasper to Liam because I just couldnt give myself to him then, he needed to know that life was not all shakey and weird and I needed to concentrate on keeping myself awake and not succumbing to the terrible fear and coldness that I felt
I have never been prouder than when I looked over and saw my husband on the chair, cradling his naked newborn son against his chest and sharing the love that connects us with this new being that symbolises our love for each other and is such a beautiful person in his own right.
It was afterwards, when I felt less scared that I could hold him and love him and show him how I felt.
Unfortunatly we left the hospital without diagnosing Jaspers tongue tie. For 3 days I watched my chubby, healthy 9lb (nearly) baby fall further into himself, he went yellow, he didnt poo or wee and I would lie in bed watching my little boy getting more and more ill
these have been the worst most hardest 3 days of my life, I would give anything to not have felt that feeling of ineptitude, of inablity to feed my son, of the pain I felt whenever he was put to the breast and screamed instead of suckled
eventually we spent massive periods of time expressing my milk into his mouth a tiring process but the only way I felt I could give him anything.
Jasper was diagnosed with tongue tie on Sunday morning, for 24 hours we syringe fed him religiously at every hour of the day until finally today he was treated and I could begin to rebuild the relationship between my son and the boobies that would feed him.
Today he has taken the breast with a sheild 4 times, each time I have looked down at him and wept. He is no longer yellow, I no longer feel he is wasting away.
My baby made it, I made it and we have had excellent care from the very special team on the Salisbury labour ward. In our own home we have had the Wilton commuity midwifery team visit daily and reassure, advise and support us.
Today I was diagnosed with superficial vein thrombosis and have to have daily blood thinners and further treatment to stop it getting worse.
Birth took my everything, it made me work for my baby but he is the most perfect thing in the world to me and worth every bleed, stitch and scan.
Tonight I feel I can finally lay my head down without tears streaming from my eyes, I can look at my son without fear and my husband without shame.
Tonight I can sleep without feeling inferior
Tonight, is about the future and all that it will bring, from the fuss and the fiddling grows our young family and we are strong and powerful to the end, this experience has more than proven that.
Well, my waters broke slightly at about 2am on the 14th July 2010, I was in bed and thought I might have had a bit of a 'ahem' accident but I soon realised it wasnt that and woke Liam up
Was a bit too excited to go back to sleep (which was probably a bit of a mistake, I should have made myself get more rest) and we watched a film and waited for contractions to start
Finally around 5am I started getting some contractions, nothing tooo major but enough to keep me up and get me thinking, we woke up mum and got the front room ready for birthing – putting up the pool (which was amazing) and generally getting things 'ready'
we were all convinced he would be born that day, perhaps around 12pm
I laboured in the water for about six hours, Faith my doula came around 8am and I spent each contraction with Liam, Mum or Faith massaging my back and feeding me bananas. It wasnt too bad, the contractions were more than bearable with just some gentle breathing and massage (I got lots of massage, go me)
It was a bit like having a big luxurious bath with lots of rubs and nice things (accept occasionally I was in a bit of pain)
About 12pm the contractions were getting a bit more intensive and Jan one of the midwives appeared to monitor me a wee bit and also give me some gas n air (score)
I was aware I only had 2 canisters of gas n air in the house so I used them at first every third or so contraction, just to give myself and Liam a break who was continually rubbing my back through every contraction (lasting up to 2 minutes and 5 mins apart at this point)
After a while I got out of the birthing pool and had a little wander around, sit down on the loo etc
Around 3pm my contractions seemed to 'change' they because more localised in my back and much much more painful, too painful to deal with without the gas n air and just so localised in my back
I thought that was the beginning of the end so I laboured on through but nothing much seemed to be going on so I had an internal, I was 5cms dialated which was a bit disappointing really, I wanted to be there man I had already been in active labour for 12 hours or something crazy.
I carried on, got some more gas n air (oh yes) but after another internal at around 8pm (I think) nothing had progressed at all and my back was absolute agony
my main waters hadnt broken, the bit earlier being a cruel tease
and I was really started to suffer from exhaustion I also have an old issue in my spine, I dislocated my coccix slightly in my youth and ever since my hips have been slightly off center. I really felt like all the contractions were focussing on that spot on my back and that scared me a lot, it felt like something was 'stuck' and was directing everything to my back
My midwife had become Racheal by this point and she suggested that as soon as my waters broke my labour would continue at a good pace
unfortunatly they cannot break your waters at home because it carries some risk so we made a decision to transfer to salisbury district and have the rest of the labour there
we arrived in SDH around 8pm, I was given my own room and gas n air on tap (yay) and I remember my waters being broken and it being like a stream of relief and comfort. I then remember my contractions moving from the point in my back and spreading over the whole of my belly
it felt like a stomach cramp from weird food, period pain and needing a shit all at the same time... I then remember NOTHING until I transitioned and began pushing
Apparently I swore at my mother, tried to punch Faith and spent most of the time in between contractions cracking jokes at the midwives and getting high (I have no recolection of any of this though)
Then I can remember feeling like I would never be able to do what I had to do, and feeling this weight just get heavier and heavier, I finally had the gas n air wrestled off me by the midwife (I didnt attack her for some reason, much to the suprise of everyone there.
I can remember Liam not being in the room and knowing that the baby was coming soon, I can remember being totally just gutted that he might be missing the birth of his child as I began the final push
I was on my knees with my arms over the hospital bed and I can remember thinking it was very silly and I was pushing down on my knees. I begged for pain relief but I had soberly said I didnt want any and it was too late by then anyway, you have to feel that bit its the law
Finally I realised that I had to just do it, regardless of how I felt, regardless of that feeling of wanting to die rather than do
I jumped onto my feet from my knees, dispite being told not to (silly buggers) and got that baby out. I was exhausted, I had been in active labour for 21 hours and my waters had broken and woken me 24hrs earlier
I just kept thinking 'well it cant get any worse' and it did and then 'it cant get any worse' and it did. Liam was there again and he went down the gory end to watch his boy being born into the world. I suddenly found myself pretty alone, everyone had sort of headed south to catch the show and I was there with this wall infront of me feeling more scared than I ever had in the world
Everyone except my mum, who stayed with me and held my hand tight and told me I could do it and cried with me and let me have some of her strength
Finally Rachael told me the baby was crowning and that I had to pant through my contractions and I tried I really did but my body was just so tired I couldnt help but let it go a bit and I tore quite badly
LISTEN TO YOUR MIDWIFE WHEN SHE TELLS YOU NOT TO PUSH, USE EVERY OUNCE OF YOUR BODY NOT TO PUSH
because the after bit just aint worth it.
Liam was telling me I am amazing and I was wanting to punch him on the nose and I felt the warmth of my child for the first time and I felt his shoulders and knew he was nearly here. Its so hard to describe but I knew as he came out of me that it was HIM, I knew that he was my baby and in that second I knew that I would do anything for this agonising piece of warm that was being expelled from my body.
He was passed between my legs and I collapsed in a fit of pain and trauma (it really is traumatic) I looked at him and couldnt believe what he looked like, he looked like... well like someone I had never known but had always know. Every thing I ever wondered about who he was just slotted into place and I knew him straight away.
I was shakey and uncomprehensibly scared and I knew that something wasnt up and I could feel him on me but my body felt cold next to his and my vision was blurry and I couldnt speak or feel or move.
Thats when I started to feel the blood gushing out of me and the midwife told me she had to work and get the placenta out of me straight away because I had lost so much blood and things werent good. I knew that to be the case and watched as she cut his cord and poked about a bit and got the placenta out of me, which felt like my teeth were being pulled (only thing I can compare it to)
After that I was still loosing so much blood but Racheal was amazing and sorted me out before handing me over to a team of doctors who spent half an hour stitching me up and putting me back together again. I had given Jasper to Liam because I just couldnt give myself to him then, he needed to know that life was not all shakey and weird and I needed to concentrate on keeping myself awake and not succumbing to the terrible fear and coldness that I felt
I have never been prouder than when I looked over and saw my husband on the chair, cradling his naked newborn son against his chest and sharing the love that connects us with this new being that symbolises our love for each other and is such a beautiful person in his own right.
It was afterwards, when I felt less scared that I could hold him and love him and show him how I felt.
Unfortunatly we left the hospital without diagnosing Jaspers tongue tie. For 3 days I watched my chubby, healthy 9lb (nearly) baby fall further into himself, he went yellow, he didnt poo or wee and I would lie in bed watching my little boy getting more and more ill
these have been the worst most hardest 3 days of my life, I would give anything to not have felt that feeling of ineptitude, of inablity to feed my son, of the pain I felt whenever he was put to the breast and screamed instead of suckled
eventually we spent massive periods of time expressing my milk into his mouth a tiring process but the only way I felt I could give him anything.
Jasper was diagnosed with tongue tie on Sunday morning, for 24 hours we syringe fed him religiously at every hour of the day until finally today he was treated and I could begin to rebuild the relationship between my son and the boobies that would feed him.
Today he has taken the breast with a sheild 4 times, each time I have looked down at him and wept. He is no longer yellow, I no longer feel he is wasting away.
My baby made it, I made it and we have had excellent care from the very special team on the Salisbury labour ward. In our own home we have had the Wilton commuity midwifery team visit daily and reassure, advise and support us.
Today I was diagnosed with superficial vein thrombosis and have to have daily blood thinners and further treatment to stop it getting worse.
Birth took my everything, it made me work for my baby but he is the most perfect thing in the world to me and worth every bleed, stitch and scan.
Tonight I feel I can finally lay my head down without tears streaming from my eyes, I can look at my son without fear and my husband without shame.
Tonight I can sleep without feeling inferior
Tonight, is about the future and all that it will bring, from the fuss and the fiddling grows our young family and we are strong and powerful to the end, this experience has more than proven that.
Dragonfly Fi
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yeah would have been nice! or just a day without stress between now and then, but hopefully that day will come tomorrow
vixforever
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Oh Fi that made my eyes water, love how you wrote it Hun. Sorry u didn't get the birth you wanted, hope ur stitches feel better soon. Jasper is beautiful xxx
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thankyou so much for sharing your story. Sorry you didnt get the birth you wanted. I hope things start to pick up for both of you now and well done, sounds like you had to work very hard indeed for your family, you should be very proud of yourself 
