Is this normal?

[thumbelina29]

Its been almost 5 months since I miscarried but I don't feel its much easier. There was 3 weeks between my twin sister & I; she's finishing work this Friday for her maternity leave. I'm still finding it very hard as I have a constant reminder of what I should've had.

I'm also still trying to deal with my partner walking out 2 weeks after the miscarriage & finding out he'd been cheating on me. If I had only had one issue to deal with I might've been on the road to recovery but the other things have also been a lot to take in.

I'm also underperforming slightly at work because I find my mind is easily distracted. My boss is giving me quite a hard time; I think she thinks I should be over it by now & back to my normal self. I'm going into work almost waiting in her telling me off & the more she does it the more mistakes I'm making because I'm concentrating so hard on not making a mistake. I confided in a member of HR team on Friday & I've been offered more counselling but I also need to speak to my boss which I'm dreading in case she shouts at ke again.

Is it normal for me to still feel this way after so long?

 

[laurat]

Oh honey, what a lot to have to go through. A mc is truely awful on its own never mind that you have hone through a break up too because of it. I think its understandable to be upset and down about it. Have you thought of counselling maybe. It may help to speak about it.

In terms of other people being pregnant at the same time you were it is always going to be so difficult never mind that person being your twin sister. I really feel for you!

 

[mistyblue]

I'm so sorry all this has happened to you at once. I can't imagine how tough it must be to have so much happen at once.

Is there any way the HR person you have confided in could come with you to meet with your boss? It might help you to have someone with you when you talk to her. . Is she like this with anyone else? She may just not understand all that has happened. My sister had a similar experience at work after her mc, because her boss didn't understand that mc is not just physical and actually suggested that my sis was responsible for the mc, which upset her greatly, because her boss had no experience of it, yet thought she was an expert.

I don't think there is any set time for grief and coping with loss. It is very much a personal thing and, given that your sister is due soon, must bring it to the forefront of your mind. You have had a lot to deal with and I hope counselling helps you. Don't beat yourself up. The grief I feel for my mc is not dissimilar to the loss I felt when my beloved grandfather died and the ladies on this forum are really supportive.

I would seek some advice from your HR colleague on the work issue and take up the counselling. It may help offer you some closure on a clearly very difficult time in your life. Again, I'm so sorry you have had all this to deal with at once. My sister lost her baby in Oct 2011 and she told me she still thinks about it from time to time, but she told me it gets easier with time, which is what I am holding on to.

I want to believe life never throws things at us we can't ultimately cope with - it's hard at the moment, but I hope to feel stronger in time. Hope you do too x x x

 

[thumbelina29]

Thank you for you're kind words ladies it really means a lot & gives me hope that things will eventually get better for you & for me.

I took yesterday off because I couldn't face going into work to get told off again. My boss phoned me & encouraged me back today; our talk had both positive & negative points. She told me I'm a really valued member of the team & that I'm just going through a blip but she also said when I get upset I'm distracting the rest of the team. She keeps telling me I have to tell her when something is wrong how many more things does she want to go wrong in my life?

I took up the offer of counselling & have my first appointment on Friday. I'm finding it hard to accept the mc & cope with my partner walking out. The night I told him I was pregnant he finally told me he didn't want kids & didn't love me anymore. I feel my mc is my punishment for wanting what he didn't.

I hope things get better ladies & in time we can all become stronger xx

 

[mistyblue]

Honey, none of this is your fault. Your mc is not your fault, nor is your ex partner's appalling behaviour. Don't punish or blame yourself. You have been through a lot physically and emotionally and it is no wonder you feel the way you do. I am glad you've been offered counselling and I hope this provides some closure for you.

I hope your work situation improves too - what you've been through is not a 'blip'. It's huge and it seems your boss doesn't really understand that (IMO).

Take each day one at a time - that's how I'm trying to cope with it all. Look after yourself x x x