Is she a bad midwife?

[MissMoooo]

Hello everyone

Like most of you im really worried about something and i guess i just want to know if my expectations are simply too high or if my midwife really isn’t that great. This is my first pregnancy and i don’t have anyone else i can really talk to about this.

During my first visit at home my midwife made a few comments that just didn’t sit right. She asked if my partner and i where using contraception, i explained that we where using condoms and she replied ".. don’t tell me, they didn’t work” She asked if myself or my partner smoked, we replied "yes he does but he goes outside". She said "Yes, of course you do" but it was really sarcastic. Enough for me to say "Yes he does, that’s why we have a bench in our front garden".

I’ve seen her twice since then and each time i have been in with her for easily less than five minutes. She has never asked me if im ok or how im feeling. Ive just come back from my last visit and it was literally hello, have you got your urine sample and notes, get up on the bed, are you having nice movements and she was handing me my next appointment before id even asked he if It was ok to fire a couple of questions her way. The look she gave me… I really felt like I was just taking up space. She has never once tried to inform me of any of my birthing options she just simply told me I would be in the upstairs unit at my local hospital and not the birthing unit with birth pool and tens. I later found out this is because of my family history but that was never explained. I asked her if she knew of any antenatal classes locally and she honestly couldn’t answer me except to tell me they would probably be booked anyway. The more I asked the more irritated she looked.

Im really considering changing my doctors surgery but would hate to do it if this is all your antenatal appointments are about, like I said, this is my first time.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to reply. I really appreciate it.

Moooey

 

[dtaylor21184]

well like you this is my first pregnancy and i have to say my midwife is very different to yours.

she is friendly and informs me of everything she is doing and why?

she finishes every session with me by asking if i have any questions and when my OH is with me she will turn to him and ask if there's anything he wants to know.

somedays she is in more of a rush but thats to be expected with the amount of people i see waiting to see her in the waiting round.

i always assume she won't remember me as she obviously has lots of patients and she always does and is very nice to me i haven't once felt i had a bad midwife.

i've seen 2 others as well when she was on holiday and both of them was very similar in attitude to her.

my appointments do just consist of the basics checking my urine, blood pressure, listening to LO's heartbeat, feeling my bump and then fills my notes in but like i said i'm always given the chance to ask any questions.

however my sister had her baby 3 years ago and hated her midwife not sure why

 

[Anna23]

hiya hun she sounds dam right rude!! i'd be inclined to ask her about it. I think if you feel uncomfortable with your midwife then why not change dr's and get a new one, i personaly wouldn't have that, my midwife is lovely she will see me any time i need to see her and she will ask me about my otehr children and how they are doing at school i did find that the further on i am the more nicer she is lol although she was really sympfetic about my miscarriage at my first midwife app this time and said she totaly sympafises with me as she had one too, i think it's important to have a friendly midwife especialy with your first child

 

[dtaylor21184]

i think it's important to have a friendly midwife especialy with your first child

thats very true she should be making you feel relaxed about asking her stuff and informing you of stuff you wouldn't automatically know with this being your first. she should make more of an effort as she's the person you need to turn to with problems and if she's not approachable you won't want to.

 

[lisaspoon]

I'm attached to a team of 13 midwives! I've seen the one of them twice, and about 6 others. If I'm honest they have all been really really nice.

I did however come across a midwife when I was up at triage some weeks ago that sounds alot like yours. She was very off hand with me and took the opportunity to corner me when I was to go and do a pee sample and basically tell me I should be very careful about what I tell the midwives on the phone etc (I was worried about the possibility of leaking fluid). She upset me and made me feel like I was taking up and wasting her time...so you can imagine when they tried to keep me in overnight I refused point blank knowing that she was on duty!

I really sympathise as it only takes one bad/rude midwife to knock your confidence, especially if its your first

is she your named midwife? If she is I would maybe ring the doctors surgery you're attached to and ask how many midwifes are attached to the surgery and ask for a change?

 

[EllieBelle]

I see 2 MW's who do a job share, and its pot luck which one I see.......

They are both lovely, but have very different styles - one is very motherly, and concerned, the other more matter of fact - I like them both for different reasons!

I have also seen a couple of MW's at the hospital too, and also found them to be very nice.

I ask questions throughout my appointment, rather than waiting until the end, as I always feel there isnt enough time then!

All that said Im quite a forceful and confident person, so they may respond accordingly.

I would be making a formal complaint by now

 

[emman24]

I would ask for another MW if thats poss. Mine work in a team of 3 & they are all nice. They always remember me & take the time to explain everything properly. This is my 1st too so I have millions of questions, it would be awful if I was made to feel like I was wasting their time (even tho sometimes I think I might be!! )

Hope you get it sorted, my MWs have made me a lot more relaxed about the whole thing, without them I'd be much more nervous. xx

 

[lea m]

I cant help but wonder why some women choose to be midwives?
You know, in the "care" profession!? lol I have heard of some right horrid ones! Im just glad mine was nice!

 

[hennaly]

personally i would change midwife, mine was fab and i would never want a different one

 

[*CLAIREBEAR*]

she sounds awful! is there anyway you can change??

 

[valentine]

I was given a leaflet when first pregnant that explained how to get in touch with the Supervisor of Midwives (the head of the midwife team in my local area). I think I'm right in saying that its your right to request a different midwife if you don't get on with the one you've been allocated - for any number of reasons.

I would find out who your Supervisor of Midwives is and give him/her a ring - its their job to take your concerns seriously.

I don't think your midwife sounds like she is doing a good job - you need to be taken seriously, have the ability to ask lots of questions (no matter how daft) and to discuss your birthing options regardless of your family history - the way you choose to give birth is your choice not hers, its too important to be bullied into something you're not happy with - please remember this too.

Good luck

Valentine Xxx

 

[pickled_onion]

Your midwife sounds utter pants

I'd do as valentine suggests.

 

[mummysarah+co]

your midwife is very rude! iv had lots of midwives with my 3 but none of them were that rude. they all practise differently but never made sarcastic comments like yours did although a few of them did do the checks as quickly as possible like i was on a production line

your midwife is there for guidance and to help put you at ease if your worried about something and i think some midwives dont realise how abrupt and rude they come across and if they do then theyre defintely in the wrong profession.

you can request a different midwife, id do what valentine suggested tbh.

i hope you can get this resolved soon hunni let us know how you get on x x x

 

[Bee]

I'm attached to a team of 13 midwives! I've seen the one of them twice, and about 6 others. If I'm honest they have all been really really nice.

Same here but then I've noticed in your avatar that you live where I do

I didn't see any of the midwives more than once apart from when I gave birth

Personally I'd ask to change midwives if you aren't happy.

 

[Squiglet]

I put up with a horrible doctor just so I could keep my MW. She didn't mollycoddle me...but every time I went she made me feel important and special during my appointment, even though she had a hundred other mothers to see. When they found some problems in my test results a couple of times, she called me in and always seem genuinely concerned about the health of me and my baby.

She was just a genuine person and thats what you are looking for in a mw...not someone who will fanny around, beat around the bush...but give it to you straight and has your health and your babies health as her main concern. But they don't have to be rude to do it.

 

[charlotte_]

it was literally hello, have you got your urine sample and notes, get up on the bed, are you having nice movements and she was handing me my next appointment before id even asked he if It was ok to fire a couple of questions her way.

near enough all my meetings were like this. i usually feel q bit sorry for the midwives, as they are over worked & under staffed... but yours does sound like a bit of a bitch.

 

[samharris]

She i down right rude if you ask me i'd go and see her again and if she is like it with you again stand you're ground and make her listen to you, or like other have suggested change doctors. I myself had a fab midwife she was my mums midwife when she had me and my sister! I'd also put a complaint in about her i hate ppl like that its really annoys me

 

[lisaspoon]

I'm attached to a team of 13 midwives! I've seen the one of them twice, and about 6 others. If I'm honest they have all been really really nice.

Same here but then I've noticed in your avatar that you live where I do

I didn't see any of the midwives more than once apart from when I gave birth

yeh, I find it a bit frustrating, but luckly they have all been nice...so far! I found out the one I "encountered" at triage is not attached to any of the teams...phew!!

had our trip round SRI a few weeks back....was very quiet when we were there! OH was convinced there was no one in!! hehe!

 

[MissMoooo]

Hello again everyone and thanks for replying!

Its a load off to know that it really isnt me and she does sound like a meanie. Ive had a chat with my Mum and the other half who think i should also be happy and reasured. Im a natural worrier anyways but then you would never have guessed that? I will be getting in contact with my surgery in the morning to double check that there isnt another midwife i can see before i change but im 99% sure there isnt, i just cant remember how i know :S

Thanks again you have all made me feel 100% better.

xxx

 

[ericalightning]

mine was a nightmare too, i put up with it all the way through my pregnancy, then when i was overdue my hospital suggested i changed midwife. they made one phonecall and that was it, wish i'd done it sooner!