Is it worth trying for a 45+ pregnancy?

[Tara77]

Hi everyone,
I am debating whether or not to even try the conception process and would love some down-to-earth advice on whether it's even practical. I would LOVE to have another baby, but I also know that if this is totally impractical that I need to come to terms with not having one. I absolutely love being a mom and feel like it's something completely natural and successful for me.

So, here's the scenario: I am 44yo and have a beautiful and healthy 7yo daughter. I had always intended to have 2 children, but I divorced my daughter's father when she was 2.5 because he was a terrible spouse and father. I was a single mom for 3 years, and then met my current husband and we married in December 2019. My husband, who is 51, has three children - 12, 18, and 25 - and had a vasectomy after his third child was born. He doesn't want to have another child because of his age and the finances, though he says he would be fine with adopting (so I don't really "get" those objections...). Though we talked about this before we got married, he changed his mind.

I had my daughter (only pregnancy) when I was 36 and got pregnant naturally the second month we tried. I did track my cycles for 3-4 months prior, but did nothing else to get pregnant at that point. My "geriatric" pregnancy was relatively uncomplicated except at the end when I had raised blood pressure and had to be on bed rest for 3 weeks. Since the divorce, I've had an IUD and no periods. So, is it worth getting the IUD removed, and the vasectomy reversed (or sperm extraction done), to try to get pregnant naturally? Or to risk the expense of trying IVF with my own eggs if that doesn't work? I don't think our insurance would cover much of the IVF.

I could really use some help with this issue. I've started to feel really resentful of my husband and to think that I should have stuck to dating men my own age who would not have been opposed to another child. I want to bring this up with him, but not if it really is a "lost cause" to try to get pregnant quickly and without the need to spend thousands of dollars on something that is not likely to work anyway. Thank you for your help!!!

 

[Rebecca2014]

Hey Tara,
I think you should speak to your husband definitely. This sounds like something you really want and the last thing you wanna do is mull it over yourself for a long time and not act on it and regret it.

Could you maybe book a doctors appointment to go to by yourself if needs be to check the prospects? Also about getting the IUD removed although obviously you might wanna discuss it with your husband first xx

Goodluck

 

[Clarkecharm]

I’ve just turned 40 and I’m ttc for my 1st.

I’d see your doctor and weigh up your options.

You need to talk to your husband lovely.

good luck xx

 

[MysticKitten]

As a woman who was married to a man who had a vasectomy (he got it after our second child even though I didn’t want him to), I’ll say that if you really really want a baby, it’ll come between you guys if you don’t talk it out. As suggested, definitely talk to your dr about your chances of even becoming pregnant. What the success rate and risks are for your age. Make pro and con lists. It’s a huge decision and vasectomy reversal is insanely expensive. Insurance doesn’t cover it. Maybe discuss the possibility of a sperm donor? (Depending on your view of that). Good luck in whatever you decide. I know how hard it is to want something so badly and feel like it won’t ever happen.

 

[miamia]

I would recommend visiting your doc to check out your eggs quality and karyotyping (age -related aneuploidies). If you have no issues with your eggs, and will be clear with genetics issues, you might consider starting ttc-ing. Unfortunately, in your age most women have poor ovarian reserve and higher risks of aneuplodies, it means you will need to consider having IVF with PGS NGS or donor eggs, both treatments are more expensive than IVF with own eggs. x