Irresponsible dad-to-be needs help

[jim_01]

Hi I'm a man. I've been a bit daft / irresponsible so please bear with me.

I went to Africa in early August and stayed there for 3 weeks with a lady I hardly know.

In that time we had unprotected sex - in fact we were irresponsibly trying for a baby - many times and towards the end of the holiday the girl showed me a positive pregnancy test.

Here I have to be controversial but realistic. Africa is full of scammers. Not saying the lady I was with is but I would be a fool if I ruled it out.

So, I didn't believe her. So we went to a private clinic, where she urinated into the sample in front of me and the test was positive. It was witnessed and certified as such by a doctor. We also both tested neg for HIV but that's an aside.

If the date she told me of her period is true I arrived 1 day before the dangerous time and had sex many times during this dangerous time. We simultaneously orgasmed which, I feel, increases the likelyhood of conception (but I'm no expert).

Also please bear in mind that I've probably got what it takes down there as my 1st child with my ex-wife was an accident as we were using the withdrawal method.

She wants to have the baby and I am perfectly prepared to send her money to support her but I don't want to be scammed. I just don't know enough about pregnancy tests to know if they can be made positive in some way. Or I don't know if she will terminate or have a miscarriage.

Of course, I don't know that the baby is mine but that is something that I am fully prepared to find out in the end. If she is pregnant there is no way that I will "abandon" her.

Please bear in mind this is Africa we are talking about. If she is pregnant there is no way she can keep doing her profession - erm, prostitution - and without my money she will be kicked out of her rented accommodation and have no food. There's no welfare state over there. No money means eat from bins or die. She has no family, they are dead (this I do 100% believe).

I can go to Africa again in December to visually inspect her belly as she will be showing by then as she will be 4 1/2 months pregnant. But between now and then I would like concrete proof that she is pregnant. I can arrange for a man to go and visit her between now and then. So please, when is the earliest time that a bloke can 100% tell by looking at a ladies belly that she is undoubtedly pregnant. And I don't mean a doctor. I just mean a typical bloke.

I have already sent her £200 and I don't want to send another £200 between now and December if I am being scammed. I also only want to go back to her country in December if she is genuinely pregnant. If she isn't then I'd rather go to a different part of Africa. So I don't want a wasted journey to her country.

Please don't flame me for being irresponsible. I know I have been. This is about finding out whether a destitute woman is genuinly pregnant so that she will continue to receive my help or scamming me so that I can put all this behind me.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Charlotte & Emily]

sorry, i think i read it wrong, did you say you were trying for a baby? with a prostitute??? sorry if im wrong

anyway ive never heard that you can fake a positive pregnancy test, but it could be a possibility

and women start to show at different times during their pregnancy, i didnt show until i was about 25 weeks, everyone is different,

tbh i wouldnt send her anymore money until the baby is born and you have a DNA test to make sure because it could be a scam

but i dont think you can be certain until she has the baby and has a DNA test

Hope this helped

 

[Josephine_Beth]

Right, you were there for only 3 weeks, likely hood is that she was 2 and a half weeks gone when she tested, which means someone is telling you porkies! Pregnancies are hard to pick up with a urine test at that stage, most likely she was around 4 - 6 weeks preggers. If she is that niave and silly (no offence) to do what she was doing with you in a short time, then think of how other many men she has done it with.

My husband is west african, he has read this and I know his views and many others from people in his region. Alot of the poorer african countries i.e. Kenya, ethiopia, somalia, central africa etc unfortunately, like to scam for money. Where exactly did you go?

I wouldn't even think about sending money until a paternity test has been taken, it may cost a few hundred pound but it puts your mind at ease. Also keep in mind, that a majority of africans are against abortion, they claim it to be a silly white man's thing. They also like to have a lot of children!

Keep an open mind about this, sorry to say but it smells a tad fishy, I don't like to judge or point but I also feel this baby isn't yours.

 

[krystal&jack]

sorry to say this but if your daft enought to sleep with a prostitute and try for a child within weeks of meeting then your stupid! know you said you didn't want to be judged but bloody hell that is just the most stupid thing i've ever heard. instead of using money to take yourself back to africa why don't you use it to educate yourself on the problems with aids in africa.

 

[**C**]

Why did you go all the way to Africa to sleep with a prostitute to try for a baby???

This story doesn't add up for me. It's a bit odd....

 

[Babylicious]

I think she's lying

 

[lisa&alex]

how silly do you feel? you go to africa.. i guess on holiday and sleep with a prostitute and use no protection? a baby is a good thing to come out of it.. im sooo supprised you didnt catch HIV!, you are sooo stupid.. and its stupid men like you who get these poor girls to have unprotected sex with them.. for money as they are so poor.. that help the disease pass on..men like you are actually helping africa to produce more children who die young of HIV! shocking if you ask me.

 

[budge]

Hi I'm a man. I've been a bit daft / irresponsible so please bear with me.

I went to Africa in early August and stayed there for 3 weeks with a lady I hardly know.

In that time we had unprotected sex - in fact we were irresponsibly trying for a baby - many times and towards the end of the holiday the girl showed me a positive pregnancy test.

Here I have to be controversial but realistic. Africa is full of scammers. Not saying the lady I was with is but I would be a fool if I ruled it out.

So, I didn't believe her. So we went to a private clinic, where she urinated into the sample in front of me and the test was positive. It was witnessed and certified as such by a doctor. We also both tested neg for HIV but that's an aside.

If the date she told me of her period is true I arrived 1 day before the dangerous time and had sex many times during this dangerous time. We simultaneously orgasmed which, I feel, increases the likelyhood of conception (but I'm no expert).

Also please bear in mind that I've probably got what it takes down there as my 1st child with my ex-wife was an accident as we were using the withdrawal method.

She wants to have the baby and I am perfectly prepared to send her money to support her but I don't want to be scammed. I just don't know enough about pregnancy tests to know if they can be made positive in some way. Or I don't know if she will terminate or have a miscarriage.

Of course, I don't know that the baby is mine but that is something that I am fully prepared to find out in the end. If she is pregnant there is no way that I will "abandon" her.

Please bear in mind this is Africa we are talking about. If she is pregnant there is no way she can keep doing her profession - erm, prostitution - and without my money she will be kicked out of her rented accommodation and have no food. There's no welfare state over there. No money means eat from bins or die. She has no family, they are dead (this I do 100% believe).

I can go to Africa again in December to visually inspect her belly as she will be showing by then as she will be 4 1/2 months pregnant. But between now and then I would like concrete proof that she is pregnant. I can arrange for a man to go and visit her between now and then. So please, when is the earliest time that a bloke can 100% tell by looking at a ladies belly that she is undoubtedly pregnant. And I don't mean a doctor. I just mean a typical bloke.

I have already sent her £200 and I don't want to send another £200 between now and December if I am being scammed. I also only want to go back to her country in December if she is genuinely pregnant. If she isn't then I'd rather go to a different part of Africa. So I don't want a wasted journey to her country.

Please don't flame me for being irresponsible. I know I have been. This is about finding out whether a destitute woman is genuinly pregnant so that she will continue to receive my help or scamming me so that I can put all this behind me.

Thanks in advance.

OMG!!!

you're an idiot - but thankfully you have recognised this fact

I would stop sending her money - You may have proof that she is pregnant but no proof that the baby is yours. This may be, as you suspect a scam.
I would personally go and see a solicitor and get some legal advice. It wouldn't hurt and you get half hour free.

Wait till the baby is born. Get a DNA test to confirm its your baby(make sure its a professional one in this country) then start deciding what your next move is regarding support, contact etc.

Another thing to consider is your health. You need to have another HIV test done and checks for other STI. There is a 'window period' in which certain infections including HIV are not detected. Go to a clinic in this country and get checked out.

Hope you have learned from this experience.
Its alot simpler to have a wank. Invest in some quaility porn and KY jelly.
If you relly think about it having sex with someone you don't know is just like having a wank. There are no emotional feeling involved. But its alot safer to have a wank.

Whats with Africa anyway? Why do you go there (just a general question)

 

[lauramumof2]

I think if someone wanted to try for a baby with me then decided he wasnt happy about the chances of it being his and didnt support me through the pg, then wanted a DNA once the baby was born I would tell him to f**k off.

I know these circumstances arent 'normal' but

 

[budge]

I think if someone wanted to try for a baby with me then decided he wasnt happy about the chances of it being his and didnt support me through the pg, then wanted a DNA once the baby was born I would tell him to f**k off.

I know these circumstances arent 'normal' but

if i were a prostitute and decided to try for a baby with some british holiday tourist who i had never met and i fell preggo and he didn't believe me then im not sure him not supporting me and wanting a DNA test would be my top problem.
sorry but its a farce.

 

[lauramumof2]

worthy of jeremy kyle

Im not being sarcy but I dont believe this story. This is a faker trying to instigate a fight.

And dont anyone post saying that he is only looking for advice and I have shot him down and laughed.

 

[budge]

i think its genuine.

men are in general stupid creatures and this sums it up

He wants advice

 

[Robyn_]

Why did you go all the way to Africa to sleep with a prostitute to try for a baby???

This story doesn't add up for me. It's a bit odd....

what she said.

 

[jim_01]

lauramumof2: I am not a troll. I am not trying to cause a fight. If you don't believe me just stay out of the thread please. Your comments arn't helpful. What type of troll-like comments have I made exactly?

Thanks everyone else for your help. It was bad news hearing what you all had to say though. Basically I have no way of confirming she is pregnant for at least 6 months. I will show her this thread and talk to her and report back. Don't worry, she knows that African's have a bad rep as being scammers so she won't be surprised. We have already talked about it at length.

I probably will continue to send her money as it's not fair for me to abandon her just cos she is from a place with a bad rep. I knew what I was getting into beforehand. I will visit in December and go with her to a clinic that is far away so she couldn't have arranged a scam with the doctor. If it turns out to be someone elses kid then more fool me. But, I don't think she would have went to such extreme lengths of getting pregnant with another man just to get money from me. She might be a hooker but she is not a cold-hearted, evil B***h.

Why Africa someone asked: Over her I am a nobody. I'm 37 and average looking. I have a well-paid job but it's not 6 figures so I don't stand out as being rich. As such, I can only get, say, 32y old average looking women.

In Africa I am a superstar and can get 21y old stunners - and I don't just mean prostitutes. I tend to hang about with prossies though as they like to drink and have fun and are up for adventurous sex. Plus they don't have day jobs so they can knock about with me during the day. The fact that the girls I get over there don't truely love me and are just after my money is largely irrelvant to me.

As long as they treat me nicely and are sweet then alls fine and dandy. If the relationship starts to lose it's sparkle then I can just get another lady at the drop of a hat.

I'm not really looking for love. I'm looking for good-looking, intelligent women who want my baby. I'm not very paternal but I do have instinct and that instinct is to pass on my genes.

And I am responsible when it comes to insafe sex. If I have unsafe sex with ladies in Africa it will be with ones that have tested negative. Yes, there is the 3 month period but I would have to be very very very unlucky to catch it. I am someone that can rationalise risk.

Thanks all for your help. I'll report back sometime.

 

[lisa&alex]

dear me!! your ego is rather large mr superstar, you are a stupid man..

and to pass on your genes in such a poor country where prospects are very very poor you are even sadder than i 1st thought.. surly you should have thought about that before hand..your child will now grow up in a 3rd world country.. thats if it is delivered safly..and will struggle no end to survive.. you are a selfish man.. and all i have to say is.. whatever floats your boat really.. and im glad that there are some decent men int he world..

you actually disgust me.. i cant read this thread anymore..im completely shocked.. errgh!!

 

[SarahH]

lauramumof2: I am not a troll. I am not trying to cause a fight. If you don't believe me just stay out of the thread please. Your comments arn't helpful. What type of troll-like comments have I made exactly?

Thanks everyone else for your help. It was bad news hearing what you all had to say though. Basically I have no way of confirming she is pregnant for at least 6 months. I will show her this thread and talk to her and report back. Don't worry, she knows that African's have a bad rep as being scammers so she won't be surprised. We have already talked about it at length.

I probably will continue to send her money as it's not fair for me to abandon her just cos she is from a place with a bad rep. I knew what I was getting into beforehand. I will visit in December and go with her to a clinic that is far away so she couldn't have arranged a scam with the doctor. If it turns out to be someone elses kid then more fool me. But, I don't think she would have went to such extreme lengths of getting pregnant with another man just to get money from me. She might be a hooker but she is not a cold-hearted, evil B***h.

Why Africa someone asked: Over her I am a nobody. I'm 37 and average looking. I have a well-paid job but it's not 6 figures so I don't stand out as being rich. As such, I can only get, say, 32y old average looking women.In Africa I am a superstar and can get 21y old stunners - and I don't just mean prostitutes. I tend to hang about with prossies though as they like to drink and have fun and are up for adventurous sex. Plus they don't have day jobs so they can knock about with me during the day. The fact that the girls I get over there don't truely love me and are just after my money is largely irrelvant to me.

As long as they treat me nicely and are sweet then alls fine and dandy. If the relationship starts to lose it's sparkle then I can just get another lady at the drop of a hat.

I'm not really looking for love. I'm looking for good-looking, intelligent women who want my baby. I'm not very paternal but I do have instinct and that instinct is to pass on my genes.

And I am responsible when it comes to insafe sex. If I have unsafe sex with ladies in Africa it will be with ones that have tested negative. Yes, there is the 3 month period but I would have to be very very very unlucky to catch it. I am someone that can rationalise risk.

Thanks all for your help. I'll report back sometime.

After that comment I dont think you even deserve them!!

 

[**C**]

Why Africa someone asked: Over her I am a nobody. I'm 37 and average looking. I have a well-paid job but it's not 6 figures so I don't stand out as being rich. As such, I can only get, say, 32y old average looking women.

In Africa I am a superstar and can get 21y old stunners - and I don't just mean prostitutes. I tend to hang about with prossies though as they like to drink and have fun and are up for adventurous sex. Plus they don't have day jobs so they can knock about with me during the day. The fact that the girls I get over there don't truely love me and are just after my money is largely irrelvant to me.

As long as they treat me nicely and are sweet then alls fine and dandy. If the relationship starts to lose it's sparkle then I can just get another lady at the drop of a hat.

No the reason that you can't get a woman over here is clearly because........well after reading that, I think the technical term is, um you're a wanker! What an attitude! Well at lest you're not spreading yourself on these shores thank god.

I think you should send her all your money because not only are you a wanker, but you're a stupid one too, and deserve to have all your money scammed.

So I hope when the mother of your unborn child reads that you could dump her at the drop of a hat when you become bored of boffing her to find another "21 year old stunner" then she realises what a knobber you are.

Bye Mr Superstar. I hope your enjoy your exciting new Gangsta life, Mo fo!

 

[SarahH]

Bye Mr Superstar. I hope your enjoy your exciting new Gangsta life, Mo fo!

sorry but that made me laugh!

 

[**C**]

Bye Mr Superstar. I hope your enjoy your exciting new Gangsta life, Mo fo!

sorry but that made me laugh!

Don't laugh Bitch, he got a shooter dat for shizzle! YO!

 

[SarahH]

[quote="**C**":ifhgaaoi]

Bye Mr Superstar. I hope your enjoy your exciting new Gangsta life, Mo fo!

sorry but that made me laugh!

Don't laugh Bitch, he got a shooter dat for shizzle! YO![/quote:ifhgaaoi]

you know that sh*t be real (or not in this case I beleive!!)