How life is about to change........

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by Kerry, Nov 25, 2005.

  1. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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    Being A Mum


    We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

    "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

    "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

    "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

    But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.

    I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

    I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

    I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?"

    That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

    That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

    That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

    I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.

    She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine.

    That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

    However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

    Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

    That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

    I want her to know that a caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

    My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks.

    I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

    I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

    I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

    My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

    "You'll never regret it," I finally say.

    Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

    Please share this with a Mum that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Mums. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.
     
  2. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    blooming hell Kerry

    I have tears rolling down my cheeks and i am at work!!!!

    x
     
  3. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    Kerry

    Have you got a what to take into hospital list that i could print of please.

    x
     
  4. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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    No - I haven't, sorry. Found this for you though:

    Things to bring into hospital with you:

    Toiletries and night wear
    Clothes to wear during the day once you have had the baby (T-shirts and leggings)
    Bath towel
    Bra and breast pads
    Disposable pants
    Sanitary towels
    Coins for the phone

    Additional things for when you are in labour to make you feel more comfortable:
    Comfortable nightie or a big T shirt
    Lip salve
    Water spray
    Don't forget the camera and the film
    For partners: ensure there is enough petrol in the car!

    For the baby:
    Disposable nappies
    Vests and babygros
    Cotton wool
    Scratch mitts



    What to take for your stay in hospital

    Two to three front-opening nightgowns
    Bathrobe
    Socks and slippers
    Maternity underwear, including a nursing bra and breast pads
    Two to three packets of maternity sanitary towels
    Personal care items such as a toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, hairbrush, comb and body lotion
    Massage oils, lotions or a tennis ball. Your partner can use these to give you a back massage
    Reading and/or writing material, just in case you are in for a long wait (or stay)
    CD player/radio; soothing music might help you to relax
    Camera/video camera or digital camera and enough rolls of film or tape. You don't want this photo opportunity to go by without someone capturing the special moment! Make sure that you can lock these items up in a cupboard or other safe place
    If you want to phone family and friends with the good news after your baby has been born, you should not forget to pack your cellular telephone. However, make sure that you are allowed to use the phone in the hospital
    A watch or clock with a second hand to time your contractions
    If you haven't decided on a name for your baby, don't forget to put a baby name book in the bag
    Snacks such as boiled or glucose sweets and diluted natural fruit juice
    Extra set of clothes and flat shoes that you can wear when leaving the hospital
    Some women take their make-up bag, while others prefer not to bother with it. However, be prepared for photo opportunities!

    What to take for your newborn baby

    A few nappies
    Waterproof pants
    At least two to three babygros
    Socks or booties
    Blanket
    A car seat that your newborn baby will fit into
    If there are other items that you think might make for a more comfortable stay in hospital, take them with. It is also a good idea to take an empty bag in which you can put all the presents you and your new baby will receive during your stay in hospital.


    Hope that helps!!
     
  5. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    I must say that a lot of my friends have already had kids before me and I have been told that many stories that most of what I have just read doesn't come to too much of a shock. This is why I often witter on about being more daunted by being a mum than excited (at times).

    The whole stretchmark / war wound thing is one of the reasons why I am glad to have chosen to have children now rather than ten years ago, when a stretchmark to me would definitely have seemed like the end of the world. Now it just seems to be part of being a mother.

    I must admit, I hadn't thought about the gents toilets thing or the not being able to watch things about children on TV. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for the warning! :D
     
  6. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

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    thanks for that list Kerry, save me thinking too much
     
  7. Tiny Sue

    Tiny Sue Well-Known Member

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    Kerry - that is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. I have wondered about all these things, and have no mother to ask. It is a wound still, five years after her death, that she is not here to share all that with me. I wish I could share that post with her.

    I remember asking her once, in younger, more spontaneous days when I was not even thinking about becoming a mother, what it was like to be one. My Mom may not have had a way with words, but she said this, and it stayed with me.

    "It is difficult to describe the feeling when you hold your child in your arms for the first time. You hold her, and you suddenly know that while you live nothing will ever hurt that child while you are near."

    Thank you Kerry for helping me to remember my Mom, and for saying all that she was trying to say that day.

    Sue
     
  8. Guest

    Sue your message made me cry - I am so sorry for the loss of your mum and that you don't have her to share your experience of motherhood with.

    Kerry - you're post moved me so much, made me scared and filled me with happy thoughts at the same time. Even at 19 I look forward to my 'battlescars' to show I am someone's mummy, and already feel proud of my red-streaked boobs knowing that they are that way because I'm bearing a new life.

    It scared me in the sense that I have never thought of some of these things such as the restroom incident. That fills my heart with fear and dread as I know that sometimes I won't always be there to stop things from harming my little boy no matter how hard I try.

    I look forward to motherhood so much and everything that comes with it, and know I probably don't yet know the true meaning of unconditional love until I have my baby in my arms and my darling partner Mark by my side.

    Thank you for sharing that Kerry xx
     
  9. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

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    Your messages are all making me cry!!

    Glad it has meant so much to so many, especially you Sue, your Mum is watching and will see what a great Mum you are!!
     
  10. marylou

    marylou Well-Known Member

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    aw thats real nice kerry

    i wish my mum was here aswell. she didnt even have the chance to talk to me properly about anything ,never mind kids.

    cya luv me xxxxxx
     
  11. petchy

    petchy Well-Known Member

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    i'm sure i've read this before - didn't you post this a while back as well kerry? or maybe i've read it elsewhere? well either way it made me cry reading it this time as well! those words are so beautiful and touching! the first time i read it i immediately rang my mum and told her how much i love her - by the end of the conversation we were both in tears!! lol

    here's a toast (a non-alcoholic one!) to every woman in this world who has ever been a mother. you are amazing, and i cannot wait to be able to join you in the amazing experience that motherhood must be.

    i can only hope that i will be half as good a mother to my little son as my mum has been (and still is) to me and my sister. (mum, you're the best! i love you to bits!!)
     
  12. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    Petchy

    You've got me started now!

    Damn those hormones!!!!!! :cry:
     

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