Think my friend is lying :( updated

[Sully2012]

Sorry it's not that pregnancy related but it was a toss up between texting her or writing in here. Basically when I first found out I was pregnant my friend announced she was pregnant, but unfortunately 4 days later she text to say she miscarried, this was back in sept. Then she text me on 4 Dec to say she is pregnant again and I was so happy for her. She told me she was about 9 weeks. After Xmas I asked if she had had her 12 week scan to which she said no and she was blaming it on Xmas post. I thought this was a good reason and thought nothing of it. She text me last fri to say she was having a scan mon just gone but when I text her mon she said she was too tired to go so rearranged it for fri. I asked her what time and she said 3pm. I replied and said I would see her there as I have a scan at 2.30. She then text to say I jinxed her as the hosp phoned her to change her scan to next thurs. I really don't want to think this way but I can't help but think she is lying. She has changed since being with her new fella and as he younger I'm wondering if she is trying to keep him? She has not told anyone else she is pregnant, yet I can't help but wonder why she would lie? I'm probably reading too much into it but stuff is not adding up. She has not even booked to see a midwife and by now she is well over 12 weeks. I am supposed to see her over weekend but don't feel like it as I want to tell her lying about a baby is a childish and stupid game to play. It's sounds like school ground stuff but it is winding me up as I'm worried she will say she lost it
an I will have to act supportive. What would u do?

Well seems my suspicions were right. She text yesterday to say she was bleeding really heavy and knew she was losing baby. As she doesn't drive I went over and told her I would take her to hosp. When me and OH arrived she was outside playing in the snow with a neighbour. Her face dropped when i pulled up. I told her she should be resting and she said what is point baby died. I told her she needs to get checked out to which she said she was fine and just viewing it as a cycle!!!! I then just said "you were never pregnant were you" and she replied saying no and that she was just trying to keep her OH. I told her if she can't keep her OH by being herself it is not worth it and that pretending to be sick and miscarry is worse. Se admitted that she lied the first time to see how her OH would react to a baby and as he was caring it made her want his attention like that again. My OH told her to stay away from us and I just stood there crying as I knew I lost a long term friend. It's sad but I'm so angry she could be so flippant over a little baby and disrespectful to women who have actually gone through the horror of a miscarriage.she has text to say she is sorry but I just told her she had her reasons but I don't understand and I would rather just leave things ad move on as she seems to have changed for the worse and I want nice friends so close to baby not drama. Going to miss her.

 

[Zoeox]

Didn't want to read and run, but not too sure on what you should do...
I would also be heading towards that she is lying because a hospital wouldn't change an appt that many times. My hospital had to put an extra clinic in for me as I was almost 14weeks when I had my first scan and this is the latest they like to do it, but prefer it done at 12 weeks.
Its silly that she would have to lie, maybe she is jealous? xx

 

[Sully2012]

She has nothing to be jealous of she just seems to have changed. I would have thought with a previous miscarriage etc that she would have been scanned x

 

[Verity2011]

I would agree with Zoe - she must be well past the cut off date for the normal 12 week scan (the latest they can do the nuchal is 14) - so I'm pretty sure the hospital would be getting her in for a dating scan asap. Where I am at least they're also pretty difficult to rearrange and they would have told me to come in if it was only tiredness stopping me originally (and after a loss, which I've also suffered, nothing would have kept me from my 12 week scan - but maybe that's just me). It's a tough one though as you don't want to accuse her of something especially like lying about pregnancy if you have any doubts. Don't really have any advice but I agree with Zoe - maybe it's for attention? Or maybe she hasn't got over her first loss and saying she's pregnant makes her feel better...

 

[So_hopeful81]

That's a point! Could she just be trying to cope with her first loss!?
It may sound crazy but I remember desperately wanting to be pregnant by the time my baby was due after my first miscarriage! It was really hard, and every month that I wasn't conceiving, I was driving myself mental!!!

She definitely wouldn't have miscarried again would she!? But perhaps afraid to tell you while you are so close to giving birth incase she upsets you?
It does all seem very suspect, but I am trying to think of reasons a grown woman would be doing this? Xxx

 

[Zoeox]

I guess that she could be struggling to get over the miscarriage, or maybe she has miscarried again and is afraid to speak about it. I guess everyone deals with things differently. :s x

 

[poppypd]

I can totally see where you're coming from, it does all sound quite suspicious. Especially the part about being too tired for 12 week scan, this is such an exciting time for a pregnant mother! I can only offer my story, if it helps? I had a friend many years back who told me she was pregnant and then decided to have a termination. I didn't think much of any of it at the time, as in I believed her 100% but years after it did seem quite suspicious. It was a guy who she was a bit besotted with, they weren't in a relationship, and it could have been that she was trying to see what his reaction would be, (and I don't think it was great.) The thing I wasn't sure about was that from my memory she didn't ask me to go with her on the day, and I'm not sure anyone did go with her, surely you would need someone to help you immediately afterwards. She didn't seem to talk about it in the way I would have expected either. She was staying in my flat at the time, and I don't think she had many other friends around at the time, and i don;t remember her even resting afterwards.
In some ways i'm glad I didn't suspect anything as it would have been hard to be all supportive if I felt she was lying. This is a friend who also told me that she had had a date and kissed a hollywood star when he was filming in our town (which he was!) it was hard to accuse her of lying as even she said, I know no one will believe me. Anyway, she is not a friend anymore, long story, I don't have a habit of giving up friends but I do when they don't make my life better or aren't honest. Not sure this is any help at all, but perhaps in your case as you cannot be totally sure she is lying, and depending on how good a friend she is, let her come clean or tell you she miscarried? and perhaps just say I'm so sorry but know in that back of your mind that your suspicions were correct. People do say and do things for all sorts of reasons that we can't comprehend.

Keep us posted, as this is an intriguing story!

 

[rosiee]

Strangely i have had the same thing! so i really feel for you. i have a friend that got a new partner last year and started to act strangely. she didnt seem to care very much about anyone else anymore but wanted to almost 'brag' about things all the time, everything seemed to be a competition for her if that makes sense? then i announced i was pregnant, and she didnt seem very happy for me at all, then a week later told me she was pregnant too. then when it got to my first scan, the day i had it, she told me shed had a miscarriage the day before. i felt awful for her and tried to be supportive, and i wouldnt talk to her about the pregnancy anymore for fear of upsetting her, and she never asked anything about it. then a few days after my 20 week scan and posting pictures on facebook, she told me she was pregnant again. she started talking about it lots and getting excited, but still wouldnt ask me any questions about how anything was going with me, even after finding out id been in hospital. then it got to the point when it should have been her 12 week scan, and i asked her about it, and she told me when the date was. when i asked her how it had gone, she told me they changed the appointment. then when i asked her again how it had gone, she said good but the baby was too small to get any pictures, which ive never heard of, especially as she was supposedly 14 weeks pregnant at the time?! so i have my suspicions now that she is lying. i feel really guilty for feeling this way, but it just doesnt seem to add up, it seems to be part of the competitive thing almost? like she doesnt want me having something she doesnt? i dont know, it sounds very petty but i cant help but feel this way. ive started to distance myself because im so excited about babbas arrival in the next few weeks and the situation with her is stressing me aout a little. i either feel annoyed because i think she's lied or start to feel guilty because i think that. im not really sure what to do really, because i dont feel as though i want a confrontation about it at the moment either. I know I havent really offered any advice in anyway, but felt i needed to comment because our situations are so similar! So i really feel for you. I hope the situation isnt too stressful for you x x x

 

[mummy2b19]

Strangely i have had the same thing! so i really feel for you. i have a friend that got a new partner last year and started to act strangely. she didnt seem to care very much about anyone else anymore but wanted to almost 'brag' about things all the time, everything seemed to be a competition for her if that makes sense? then i announced i was pregnant, and she didnt seem very happy for me at all, then a week later told me she was pregnant too. then when it got to my first scan, the day i had it, she told me shed had a miscarriage the day before. i felt awful for her and tried to be supportive, and i wouldnt talk to her about the pregnancy anymore for fear of upsetting her, and she never asked anything about it. then a few days after my 20 week scan and posting pictures on facebook, she told me she was pregnant again. she started talking about it lots and getting excited, but still wouldnt ask me any questions about how anything was going with me, even after finding out id been in hospital. then it got to the point when it should have been her 12 week scan, and i asked her about it, and she told me when the date was. when i asked her how it had gone, she told me they changed the appointment. then when i asked her again how it had gone, she said good but the baby was too small to get any pictures, which ive never heard of, especially as she was supposedly 14 weeks pregnant at the time?! so i have my suspicions now that she is lying. i feel really guilty for feeling this way, but it just doesnt seem to add up, it seems to be part of the competitive thing almost? like she doesnt want me having something she doesnt? i dont know, it sounds very petty but i cant help but feel this way. ive started to distance myself because im so excited about babbas arrival in the next few weeks and the situation with her is stressing me aout a little. i either feel annoyed because i think she's lied or start to feel guilty because i think that. im not really sure what to do really, because i dont feel as though i want a confrontation about it at the moment either. I know I havent really offered any advice in anyway, but felt i needed to comment because our situations are so similar! So i really feel for you. I hope the situation isnt too stressful for you x x x

I have a picture of my baby at 8/9 weeks pregnant (she looks like a peanut moth little arms and legs) so I honestly don't belive that her baby was too small to get a picture sorry Hun xx

 

[dollface79]

I have to be honest, it does sound very odd to keep changing dates and whatnot, i would not care how tired or sick i felt i would make sure i was at my 12 week scan. Maybe it jelousy... or some kind of way to get over the first MC.. i don't know.

 

[sky2012]

I would Definatly express your concern over matters such as 'the baby was to small for pictures' or other silly excuses...Just say something like 'Well ive never heard of that before' ...Its sad that some people are struggling or really upset being in situations their unable to control such as concieving or other people having children & not themselves bcos its just so tragic but despite their heartache, the way they are dealing with the situation, that their also bringing friends into, just isnt fair. Your pregnant...and thats a really special time, 'friends' should be able to find it in their heart to at least not lie and ignore the occasion. whatever you do, do not feel bad about being pregnant at this particular time!!! no one should take that happiness away from you, understandably.

 

[leesey]

Has anyone ever heard of such a thing as a phantom pregnancy? Apparently, one of Henry VIII's wives (I think it was Anne Boleyn or Mary, can't remember) actually carried to full term and beyond, a visible pregnancy with all the symptoms and everyone 100% per cent thought she was pregnant. When nothing happened after 10 months, they were considered hysterical and dismissed as non-existent pregnancies.
Obviously nowadays there are ways of finding out sooner, but for some people the psychological or emotional desire to have a baby is so strong it can actually produce all the symptoms, including hcg (I think) in the body and give them a bump and morning sickness and everything. It would only be at the scan that it would be discovered that there's nothing there.

It's obviously extremely rare, and I don't necessarily think this is the case in either of the situations, but I just thought of that in this case, especially after a loss. It's bizarre what the human body can do.

I do, in this case however, think that this has been a sad person making up a story to make themselves feel better

 

[My1stBaby]

this is a tough one but maybe she was so devastated after the miscarriage that shes lying to make herself feel better.... it is def not something you should lie about but emotions and hormones can do crazy things to a woman. only problem is, if she is lying and then has to say she has had a miscarriage how can you support her if you think shes lying... and if she is lying about that then i personally dont think i could be her friend.

maybe do a bit more investigating ? ask more questions? coz if you find out for definate that she has made it all up maybe she needs psychiatric help...?

hope its not giving you too much stress xxx

 

[TORino]

This is really sad.

This girl is obviously in a bad place for whatever reason to be fibbing about something like this.

I hope she can get the help she needs.

 

[Sully2012]

She does need help!!

 

[masonowen]

I just can,t belive what I'm reading!! She lied once to see how he,d react?!?!? Why not just bloody talk to him, then lied again coz she liked the attention. What an awful person to let her oh think he was gonna to be a dad, them watch him suffer the loss of two "babies"

 

[Sully2012]

Exactly I just don't want a friend like that. OH told me to never see her again or if I do not to take baby x

 

[My1stBaby]

i cant believe it, that is so so awful to lie about something so traumatising for some women its shocking. yeah your OH is right! you dont need someone like that as a friend but that must be very very hard for you to come to terms with.

all i can say for now is try not to think about it, dont let her ruin your pregnancy or make you stressed or upset, she obviously needs help but you dont have to be the one that gives it to her!

good luck for the final weeks of your pregnancy xxx

 

[redbear]

OMG has she not heard of crying wolf? when she actually is pregnant no one will belive her for a while, and then god forbid she lost it everyone would think it was another lie. She is not someone i would be friends with

-- i think henry the 8th wife actually had a tumor, well it said so in a book i read but could be wrong they dont actually know do they! xx

 

[sammi7]

I can't believe someone would lie about this. She seriously needs some help. I'm really sorry that you have lost a good friend though xx