Inlaw problems!

[NavyLouise]

Hey ladies, this might be a bit of a rant (again lol) but I've had it up to the eyeballs with my inlaws and need some reassurance that i'm not just being a bitch/emotional/whatever!

They have always been incredibly controlling of my husband, even though they barely bought him up imo (he had nannies 24/7 until he was old enough to put in front of a playstation). I always got the impressions they (or particularly his mum anyway) weren't keen on me, they're very well to do - small village, big money - types and I suppose I don't fit in with all that at all and have always been very opinionated!

They have always told us what to do as a couple and as much as I could ignore them I have, but my OH is terrified of doing wrong by his mum and often gives in.
They don't like him doing things without their say (he's 26 fgs), he bought a new car 2 yrs ago and because they didn't pick it they hated it and went on and on about it being rubbish.
They didn't like us buying a house because we didn't share our options with them first.. bad neighbourhood they said, too expensive, not big enough etc etc. (none of which is true!) They said we 'couldn't' get a loan to buy all our furniture and should buy one piece a month (I did it anyway as theres no way i'm having a half empty house when I can afford not to!)

Well now they are trying to tell me how to be pregnant(?), what I should and should not be doing and it's the last straw.
We had a car accident last week on the way to Scotland and OH phoned his mum to tell her, we were planning to borrow my dads car and continue on but she promptly said she would come over with some food and told us we would either have to fly or not go as "Kerry can't cope with the drive in her condition". OH not wanting to annoy her agreed and she came over.. I sat with stony face not talking as they wasted 3 of our precious travelling hours telling us how we could'nt go unless we fly. I hate flying so said no.. eventually my husband grew some balls and told them we were leaving then and there and that he would drive.
They left barely saying a word and we didn't hear from them again until my husband phoned his mum today to say hello (3 days after we got home).. she promptly gave him an earfull about how livid they both are with us for continuing our holiday. She said she spoke to a midwife who says I seriously jeopardized the health of my baby by going and that if something had happened it would have been our fault. She then went on to say that once I get my insurance money I am to get a bigger car as my Fiat is obviously not good enough (even though it saved us!) and that they will sort this out with a car dealer friend of there's.

There's been 5 years worth of other stuff too and currently about OH's car also as they want him to get rid and have offered to get him a bigger car too (great more to pay for for us!?).. and the comments are still flowing.

So basically I am beyond stressed and angry about it all, they keep saying I need to avoid stress but the only stress I'm getting is from them!! They keep slagging off my mum even though she has done more for us that they have and I'm so worried they're going to say they want to be there straight away when the baby is born and that OH will give in.

What can I do or say? My husband just agrees with them 90% of the time for 'an easy life' but I can't do it anymore.
Sorry this is so long!

 

[Doob]

How annoying. I don't think you are being a bitch at all hun and I think its really annoying when OH's won't stand up to their parents for whatever reason when the parents are being interfering. You are right to be honest with them and your OH about this situation because them interfering isn't necessary and OH giving in will only encourage them to do it more. Plus how dare she start ringing up midwives asking for opinions!!! I doubt you wouldn't have gone ahead with the holiday unless you were 100% sure you and LO were ok and I don't see how flying would have been any safer or less stressful. I'd be furious too tbh.

Have you spoken to your OH about how it makes you feel? What did he say?

 

[VikkiR]

Well if your oh won't say anything you'll have to for your own sanity. I'd ask your oh to stand up for you and protect you otherwise threaten you'll do it and not so politely (that's what I did). Gawd knows what kind of grandparents they'll be. If your oh would rather see you upset than his mother then what kind of family life are you going to have with the in laws from hell. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, there's only so much crap you can take x

 

[babyem]

I think that your OH should stand up against his mummy and tell them what he wants to do.. I don't think it's your job too. If he doesn't stand up to her now then she'll only get worse x

 

[PeaPod]

If i were me, I'd have to say something! Always try to be polite but if they don't seem to be listening just tell them that you and your OH are adults, it is your life and your baby's life and if they need to back off as they are the biggest cause of stress in your life. Sugar coat it if you think it will help but I find with people like this it is best to be honest and blunt. (you don't have to attack them but you definitely have a case to defend yourself). I do hope they see the light and let you and your OH live your life in peace!

 

[Leah04x]

Oh my god, this would do my head in!
Your OH needs to stand up to his mum, and not keep quiet just to keep the peace.. And even though it shouldn't be up to you to do, if he doesn't, you need to.. Otherwise it will just get worse..

xx

 

[zoe82]

I would just tell them myself, I know its awkward as its not your parents, but how dare they dictate everything to you, especially calling a midwife, I'm surprised you haven't told her to f**k off yet! My MIL is a pain, but nothing compared to this, and whenever she comes out with any crap I tell her straight, probably isn't making me too popular, but I'm past caring! It's yours and your husbands baby, not theirs, and your life, so do what you want! I can't believe how many interfering families there are out there, so frustrating!

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk 2

 

[Karate Kid]

If it wasn't for my Hubby being so vocal towards his family (after a few heated discussions between us) I would be in a very simular situation....

My MIL was livid when hubby and I set a date for our wedding without formally agreeing it with them first! She has tried to control everything about our relationship since day one but thankfully hubby has always listened to my concerns and managed the situation well. My saving grace is that my FIL is one of the kindest men you could meet and I generally have really good conversation when I am around Hubby's family.

I understand that your OH is in a difficult position, he want's to keep you happy whilst keeping his parents happy....BUT you and LO are equally important, stress is not good for you so maybe try to reinforce the fact that you MIL drives you insane with her attitude.

Hope you get a resolution soon xx

 

[natashateale]

Oh my days!!! I am so glad my other half stands up to his parents. And makes my problems with is sister seem so small lol.
But if he wont say anything u should. U wil feel so much better if u do x

 

[NavyLouise]

Thanks everyone I'm glad it's not just me! I tried to talk to OH last night but he just can't understand what's making me angry! The last straw was that she called a midwife and essentially accused me of not caring whether my baby would have been harmed .. This really, really hurt as I would never do a thing to jeapordise the safety of my LO and spent the whole week worrying even though I got the all clear from 2 paramedics and a doctor and had felt her kicking since it happened!

I don't know if it's just because he is used to this behaviour but he just doesn't take me seriously.. from now on I've told him I'm not going out if they invite us for a meal or anything (they do once a month usually and they don't eat till gone 10pm which I can't handle), I'll be sivil but I'm not going out of my way for them and I will definitely snap next time she tries to tell me what to do.. If he doesn't want that to happen then he has to say something himself.

I just don't understand why he's so scared of her?

 

[janey78]

This sounds a bit like my Inlaws luckily not quite as bad and OH does stand up to them more not but when he does they sulk like kids for ages but at least we get some peace

 

[Doob]

I think you are right hun, if he can't stand up to them refuse to have anything to do with them! Maybe when your MIL starts to ask why they haven't seen you he might say something? The level of interference and undermining you ringing that mw was totally uncalled for and if nothing is said they'll just continue and it'll be even more upsetting if they start doing it with your child too!