Just wanted somewhere to rant really, I'm a mum of 3 boys my eldest I carried full term my youngest two were born at 27 & 30 weeks. I still want another child, I'm one of four my partner is one of four I just feel I want four. I brought it up with my partner he said no way 3 is enough for anyone, it became an argument why should I compromise and say ok 3 it is when he won't even give it some thought? I said well we both want different things so when this time comes ( my boys are all under 3) we are going to have to come type of agreement or split. I need the chance to have a daughter another son would be just as amazing. He brought our argument up at his parents for them to sit there for an hour and a half telling me my boys have no life because the ages are too close together my second son is over looked and what's the point of carrying another child "you can't carry a child to nine months anyway". His mother told me I was to ruin my childrens lives further if me and dad were to split. Can anyone else see where I am coming from? I come from a split marriage I was 11 when they split I don't feel my life was ruined in anyway. Just because his parents argue all the time and are quite happy to admit they've never told one another they love them. I feel like a complete looser not standing up for myself and my kids 😞
In laws, partners arghhh
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Mum2Many
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Oh that would annoy the Hell out of me. I hope you at least told DH how annoyed you were that he bought it up with them. It's none of their business, it's between you and him and nobody else. As for ruining your kids lives - what rubbish. I had 7 kids very close together and I think it's made them closer than anything else would have done. You'll see it more as they grow and develop, I bet they'll have such a close bond as brothers!
And regarding the comment about splitting, I'd be wondering if they know something you don't?! Why bring that up at all? Has your DH said he's going to leave you? Has he indicated to them it's not working?! What the Hell would bring a parent to suggest to their childs partner that they won't last?
As for the "you can't carry a child" comment, I'd have hit the roof.
(((((HUGS))))) If your children are all very young, it may be a bit of a sore point, especially as it sounds like your last two births were fairly traumatic. Premature births are scary for all involved. Maybe the memory is just too fresh for DH. Give him some time and he may come around.
And regarding the comment about splitting, I'd be wondering if they know something you don't?! Why bring that up at all? Has your DH said he's going to leave you? Has he indicated to them it's not working?! What the Hell would bring a parent to suggest to their childs partner that they won't last?
As for the "you can't carry a child" comment, I'd have hit the roof.
(((((HUGS))))) If your children are all very young, it may be a bit of a sore point, especially as it sounds like your last two births were fairly traumatic. Premature births are scary for all involved. Maybe the memory is just too fresh for DH. Give him some time and he may come around.
Rachel80
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I'd be fuming, how dare they interfere like that?! I'd be so angry if my oh involved his parents like that, which if we were in your position he probably would! But, would you really want to split up your relationship & family over your desire to have another child? Would you plan to meet another man & have your desired fourth child with him? I understand it's a deep burning desire for you, but your oh obviously feels strongly that he doesn't want another. Personally I wouldn't dream of splitting up a family just because I couldn't have my own way, & if I were your husband I'd feel like you were backing me into a corner. Is there a lot of pressure on him to provide for all 5 of your already? Perhaps he is panicking about another mouth to feed? Of perhaps he's scared about another prem birth? Or perhaps he just wants to concentrate on & enjoy the 3 you've already got! You need to talk quietly & calmly about it. Write yourself a list of the things you want to ask & say, & try your best not to raise your voice. It's easy for these situations to turn into a stand off but if he's dead set against it there will only be one winner & one loser here x
It's not that I would go else where just for a fourth child I just want him to understand where I am coming from, from day 1 he said he would like 4 children so did I so we knew that way before our first child, but for him to say no I never want another child when he knows I do. I duno he's always said 4 is what he wants I am in no way ready for another yet my eldest is nearly 3 and my youngest is 1 shortly after so we have a lot to deal with at the moment. But why is it so easy for him to just say nope end of no more children, he asked me to have an abortion on my last after we had battled day in day out to keep my second alive. Just hurts to think he thinks his point is stronger than mine and what he says goes, I want to know that when the time is right we could try for a girl he knows it means so much to me. He keeps saying it's not what I want go find someone else to give you a fourth hence me telling him where does our future lie if we can't even discuss it.
I have asked him why he thought it was a good idea to bring this up with his parents and he says because they are his family ( he doesn't think me and the boys are his family, that's where he came from making that his family - same with "home" our house isn't his home?! ) if m either of my parents spoke to him like that I would step in and say this has nothing to do with you guys shouldn't out relationship be equal.
My youngest boys births were traumatic but he never came to the hospital only when I told him he had to at least make an appearance his family came to see my second the day after he was born but told me they couldn't look at him because it's a shame he looks like an alien. They still insist on having a picture of my alien son in a photo frame when I have repeatedly asked them to take it down, it's a private picture between me and my partner but they say that's life shit happens.
I wouldn't want to split my family up at all I think what I said came out in the wrong context it was supposed to be a point for him to think about, maybe he will come around after time.
Thanks xx
I have asked him why he thought it was a good idea to bring this up with his parents and he says because they are his family ( he doesn't think me and the boys are his family, that's where he came from making that his family - same with "home" our house isn't his home?! ) if m either of my parents spoke to him like that I would step in and say this has nothing to do with you guys shouldn't out relationship be equal.
My youngest boys births were traumatic but he never came to the hospital only when I told him he had to at least make an appearance his family came to see my second the day after he was born but told me they couldn't look at him because it's a shame he looks like an alien. They still insist on having a picture of my alien son in a photo frame when I have repeatedly asked them to take it down, it's a private picture between me and my partner but they say that's life shit happens.
I wouldn't want to split my family up at all I think what I said came out in the wrong context it was supposed to be a point for him to think about, maybe he will come around after time.
Thanks xx
Mum2Many
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Wow. 
He sounds like a keeper. 
Personally, if I were you I'd be running. A family that treats you like that, a partner who doesn't consider you and his own children his "family" or the home you built together his "home" and couldn't even turn up when his baby was born....
I'm sorry but he sounds like a total wanker. I'd be running away fast, before my children grew up to be just like him.
And that's really hard for me to say, because I often believe people split up too easily and are too quick to throw away relationships, especially when children are involved. But honestly, this sounds like emotional abuse to me and he doesn't sound very loving - I wouldn't stay in a relationship where you are treated so meanly whilst your children grow up watching and thinking this is acceptable behaviour from a man towards a woman.
He sounds like a keeper. Personally, if I were you I'd be running. A family that treats you like that, a partner who doesn't consider you and his own children his "family" or the home you built together his "home" and couldn't even turn up when his baby was born....
I'm sorry but he sounds like a total wanker. I'd be running away fast, before my children grew up to be just like him.
And that's really hard for me to say, because I often believe people split up too easily and are too quick to throw away relationships, especially when children are involved. But honestly, this sounds like emotional abuse to me and he doesn't sound very loving - I wouldn't stay in a relationship where you are treated so meanly whilst your children grow up watching and thinking this is acceptable behaviour from a man towards a woman.
Mum2betash
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No disrespect but his family sound terrible.,what awful things they have said!! I don't think i would want anything to do with them and certainly not my children. I am wondering if you youngest 2 Births have scared him and he doesn't want to risk another if you get me. I'm sorry to read what you're going through. I hope you sort things out soon. Xx
MrsHttc
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Wow...I think you've done well to hold your tongue with in-laws like that. How rude to say your children don't have any sort of life! I wonder why some ppl think they can actually say things like that to anyone and get away with it.
My 3 have age gaps like yours too....I had 3 under 3, and was a single mam, and they were very happy then and are very happy now, just as I'm sure your boys are.
From past experience with awful in-laws, I've learnt that it doesn't pay to hold your tongue cos then they think they can say whatever they want....they need to be told once and for all.
I really hope you and your OH finds a way around this, and that maybe he cuts the apron strings.
**big hugs** xxxx
My 3 have age gaps like yours too....I had 3 under 3, and was a single mam, and they were very happy then and are very happy now, just as I'm sure your boys are.
From past experience with awful in-laws, I've learnt that it doesn't pay to hold your tongue cos then they think they can say whatever they want....they need to be told once and for all.
I really hope you and your OH finds a way around this, and that maybe he cuts the apron strings.
**big hugs** xxxx
littlemonkey
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I can't believe his parents got involved in it all and your OH sounds like an idiot too. I can't believe he had to get his parents involved to solve his arguement with you! It is a private matter and both your OH and his parents should have respected that. Neither my parents or the inlaws would dare get involved in any arguements between me and the OH, they all know it's our arguement to have and no one elses!
