Bit of a worry...

[jarjar7]

Hi...just needed to vent something really and maybe get a bit of advice...My OH has got a Son from previous relationship who will be 10 in July. He's a good kid and we get on well but I've always known I come second to him and always will. In a way I always accepted it and was pleased really cos I knew it meant my OH would always put his kids first if we were to have any. Anyway, he went through a lot of crap when they split up, her stopping him seeing his son etc and it really affected him. Now he has finally realised he wants more children and we are actively happily TTC. However, he has, on numerous occassions, turned round and told me that he dont know how he'll react to another child. He has had only his Son for 10 years and he cant promise me that any child we have will ever mean as much to him as his Son does. While this upsets me I am also glad that he can be honest about it. Do you think I'm still doing the right thing by TTC with him? I have told him that any child I have will never be made to feel second best to anyone and he agrees with me but just cant guarantee he wont continue to constantly put his Son first...He cant imagine loving another child as much as he loves his son.
xxxxxxx

 

[ema-lou24]

strangely enough i know where hes coming from hun...

i have my son who is 7 in may from a previous relationship...and i have been put off having another cos my ex was such a shit, but ive finally found someone i want to have a baby with (similar to your story)

but i always fear i dont love the 2nd child as much as i love my son....ive had him 7yrs and for a good 4yrs it was just me and him...

but as they say, words cant describe how much you love your child ....here yet or not.

I think he will be worried that his son will feel "left out".

I would be there for both of them, let them both be involved in the pregnancy(when it happens) as much as can be. He will realise as soon as he holds his new baby, that he loves that one just as much as the 1st one.

It is very good that hes being honest with you, sounds like you have a strong relationship....

Hope this helps xx

 

[MrsR]

I don't think anyone can truly know how they'll feel about a baby until it arrives x I'm the other way round, I have a daughter who's nearly 6 by another man (long, very traumatic story). I was alone through pregnancy until she was about 2 and a half and even then it was still me and her as one and my ex fiancée was always on the outside. This time I've actually let my OH take more of an active role in her life but I'm scared that she'll be left out by him when baby arrives and he'll love baby more. It's so difficult. Only you can know if it's right for you guys to ttc x x it's good he can be so honest with you x x good luck honey

 

[karenandbump]

I think a lot of people worry about loving a second child as much as a first and they all say it's not a problem - good that he's being honest. I can see why you are worried and you need to make sure you are happy with his thoughts if you are going to TTC but I think a lot of people with children together worry about this when the second comes along so sure it will work out just fine xxxx

 

[jarjar7]

Yeah luckily we are really strong cos I have stood by him so much while he has told me in the past he wont want anymore kids and his ex has been putting him through shit etc...I seem to have convinced him enough that no matter what happens I would never treat him like she did/does. He is such an amazing Dad, it comes so naturally to him and I just want us to be a family you know? I have told him that I want his Son involved in everything, right from when we find out I'm PG and that made him happy too so I think I have done and said all the right things to get where we are today. I have constantly been honest with him, even when I HAD to come off the pill (Dr's orders due to migraines) I phoned him straight away and told him, didn't 'accidentally' get PG or anything...
I obviously dont know what the love for your child feels like but a fella I know was exactly the same with his Mrs, put it off for years cos of crap with his ex and 1st child but when his current Mrs gave birth to his 2nd child he said as soon as he held her he couldn't believe he had put it off for so long and she is now PG again! So hopefully yeah, it will all come naturally to him again when we do finally have one. And yes, I'm so glad he is honest with me about it, rather than lying and then possibly rejecting the little one or something.
Sorry, went on a bit there!! Lol...
Thanks though Ladies...
xxxx