In law rant

[Rosieroo]

My Mil & Fil come over for a weekly visit to see Ella, on a Friday at lunchtime for a couple of hours (whilst DH is at work).
During that time I feel like they try to make her perform like a dog. Yesterday they had a bit of awake time with her when she was in her chair (for about 20 mins) then she started to get grumpy. She wouldn't settle with Mil and I got a comment about how she's a mummys girl (she's 2 months old ffs). So I popped her in her sling and she went to sleep. I could tell that Fil wasn't happy that she was asleep and after 30 mins I offered to take the sling off so they could have a hold (thinking they'd say 'no, don't worry, she might wake up, let her have a sleep'. But no!! Passed her to Fil and he woke her up, the poor maid was trying to go back to sleep and was obviously tired but he kept poking her in the face and saying 'oh no you're not going back to sleep on me'. He was jiggling her about and holding her in the air above his head (she's only 9.5 weeks old). They were trying to get her to smile for photos etc etc. Then fil passed her to mil and this continued in all for about 30 mins which is a lot for a little baby (well it is for Ella). She started to cry and he was taking pics of her crying and in the end I had to say to them 'would you like me to take her' as they had no intention it seemed of handing her back and had no idea how to settle her. I kept being told that she must be teething or that she had tummy ache I didn't even trust them to look after her whilst I went to the loo as they were keeping on with her that much.
She was so upset that she was screaming like she was in pain, so I sat down to feed her and they buggered off! Left me with this baby that was so upset she wouldn't feed and kept choking on her milk which made her more upset. In the end I popped her in her sling, bunged a hat on her and walked round to my mums in tears as it was upsetting me so much to see her like it. She settled in the end and went to sleep and I tried to keep things calm for her for the rest of the night.
They don't seem to have a clue how to look after her and TBH I don't want them coming around anymore whilst DH is at work, which means that we will have to go up there at the weekends which is normally our family time at home.
I was an emotional wreck last night as I felt so guilty for letting them get her upset, but I didn't feel I could stand up for myself as they were both there.

It was really really horrible

 

[Kim]

That sounds awful and I completely sympathise. I hate it if someone holds Rubie the wrong way or whatever and she looks uncomfortable or unhappy. We know our babies and know what they like and what works for them, and it's horrible seeing someone else doing things we don't like with them. Then afterwards you look back and think why didnt I say something? They are probably just excited becuase she is a new baby but they should have picked up on your vibes that it wasn't really approprate to be passing her around and keeping her awake. It's hard enough with a newborn, getting your routine sorted etc without someone messing it up. Poor Ella she must have been well p***ed off with it all. I can't offer any advice unfounately but I can understand where you're coming from if that helps??

 

[tommy]

i know exactly what your going through mine r just the same and i get that all the time about her being a mummies girl and i think sod you, she is my second so i have learnt.but if we go to their house they never let her sleep and won't give her back when she cries until she is a total wreck and then it takes me ages to carm her down, and what makes it worse is that oh is looking at me all the time as if to say "don't you say anything" so that causes arguments when we get home. sorry i ended up ranting then, inlaws who needs them(i'm sure some of you out there have got good ones before i get shot down in flames)

 

[michelle82]

When Matthew was a week or two old I would let him be passed around even if that meant picking him up when asleep although he would normally stay sleeping! But now naps for him are rare no one is allowed to touch him, if he falls asleep in the car seat then I leave him in it until he stirs otherwise he ends up in such a grump and gets really cross with himself and me! But it is hard when other people have him and your thinking just put him down he;s tired !

 

[Rosieroo]

I just needed to get it off my chest - I felt really awful. They haven't had a baby since DH and have not been around them since then really. My mum said that you'd have thought they'd have a bit of common sense though! I understand that they get excited to see her, but it's their choice to come down on a Friday, they don't do anything else all week/weekend.

I've decided to be more vocal now though and stand up for Ella, even if they get upset with me and think I am being a bitch.

 

[lauramumof2]

I dont think you are being a bitch
Can you tell them to come down later when ella is rested? Difficult as it is you need to be harsh to others to do what is best for baby. You know the consequences of her not getting a sleep but the in laws dont.
Its not a nice situation to be in, I was cringing while reading your post. Give me their phone number and I will phone them at 2am and annoy them.

 

[Hypnorm]

i know how you feel - i'm just getting ewan to slep after he has been grumping and my dad comes in see'sEwan and starts talking to him - even if you say i'm trying to get him to sleep he still starts saying 'i can see you - your not sleepy are you' and i'm think 'no coz your talking to him...go away!' even my hubby if ewan is asleep on the sofa some times he will stir to change position - but as soon as he has his eyes open hubby/dad start talking to him...argh... igf i say i've only just got him to sleep they say oh well he's awake now... yes but he wouldn't be if you'd left him alone!!!

then i get my mum saying oh he's got wind/dirty nappy/ teething... give him here ..

ARGhHH

 

[Lucy]

Hey Kina - you're not a bitch! You're right, you're just sticking up for wee Ella and how would they like it when they're just nodding off to sleep and people are chatting to them and getting them to smile when they're grumpy!

I think what you say that they've not had a baby since DH is key, my in laws also haven't had a baby since DH's younger sister (who's 31!) and although I do love them giving Olivia a lot of attention and love sometimes I have to take her upstairs using the excuse that she needs another feed just to get her away from them constantly passing her round and picking her up just the second her eyes open from a sleep.

I think the plan to get them to visit at the weekend is good but shame it falls during your family time, could they not do what Laura says and visit a little later on Fridays?

Lucy x

 

[Strangeness]

I hate when people ruin Aaron's routine because it's mum who has to deal with it! My Mil is always saying "oh he doesn't want to be in his car seat" when he is either asleep or quite happily sat playing in it. It's not like she wants him out to hold him either because she's had a heart operation so can't lift him or hold him. Then I get "he's hungry" when he has just had his feed, like I don't know my own son!

I just don't bother to see them very often really, if I did I'd lose my temper!

 

[Lauz_1601]

I can sympathise with you! I hate it when people do things i dont want them to do to Ella, but i dont have the heart to say anything! The other day at the inlaws Ella was not happy she was screaming so I was rocking her n her car seat and she settled. But oh has a young brother (12) and he is always in her face, like she is a bloody hamster in a cage which i hate, he gets really close to her face lol, anyway i was trying to rock her and he had her face right up to her so i cdnt rock anymore and she started crtying! I thought, right im going to rock this into his face in a minute if he doesnt move lol so frustrating

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

thank god i dont have to put up wit garrys mum

 

[hels]

Lauz id tell him that she'll probably puke in his face cause he's scaring her....worked with OH's son!!!
My friend is totally fab, and loves Charlotte to bits, but she has 2 kids 6 + 8, who squabble about whos holding her next and end up crying and having paddies if they dont get to hold her. I hate seeing the boy hold her cos he moves her roughly etc. He is so naughty, but my friend neve tells him off. he's always screaming and shouting near Charlotte which makes her jump. OH has to go out when they come round because he wants to slap him Its really awkward with my friend as she adores baby, but she wont tel the kids off.
I think im going to have to say that no one holds her even my friend, make up an excuse or something. Its such a hard predicament. Im hoping the novelty wears off FAST!!!