In a dark place after chemical. Think I need a TTC break? Any tips!?

[hannah2409]

Hi ladies,

After ttc for two years I got a BFP last month but then had a chemical pregnancy.

Initially, I felt OK about it but then it hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt REALLY sad last few days. I can't seem to shake myself out of it. My initial urge was to 'fix it' by hopefully getting preg again straight away. DH wanted a break for a few months (we've done a lot this year, bought a house, got married, changed jobs). This made me really mad as I just wanted to get back on the horse and I couldn't understand why he wouldn't want to too.

I am a smoker and have smoked on and off throughout ttc. I never thought it would ACTUALLY happen for us so when it did I was obviously beyond happy and stopped smoking immediately.

I started again after finding out I had lost it but I have since felt extremely guilty about it and so decided to stop a few days ago. DH smokes as well and has carried on, making it absolute HELL for me trying to stop. He agreed to not have a break but I think he just did it to shut me up tbh. We are usually so close but I feel really distant from him atm and just as if we are on different pages completely.

Now I am thinking that maybe I should give him his 'break' for a month or two and set a date when we will BOTH get really healthy together and try again with a fresh outlook on things. TTC has frankly taken over my life and I need to find a way not to obsess because the whole process is so tiring and draining and I worry/ think about it practically 24/7. I also don't want to push him into trying. It's exhausting enough as it is, right!?

I don't really know how to move forward at the moment. I am still quite young (nearly 25, but DH is 33) so part of me thinks I have plenty of time and a month or two of break won't ruin my chances. the other part of me wants to cash in on the 'super fertile' window of opp after a chemical.

At the moment, I feel like I'm in a very dark place and just want to find a little bit of light.

I guess I am writing this as a means to get some of it off my chest. If anyone has any pearls of wisdom, please share.

If not, thanks for reading and babydust to one and all! xxx

 

[Lou1103]

Sorry about your chemical hun, i can relate to being ok initially and then the sudden low.

We're WTT for a few months while we wait for tests.
Its strange, i want to try but know we shouldnt and to be honest its been a relief to think of other things. I personally think a 1-2 month break is a nice break but not too long and at least you both will get what u want in a way and as u say, u can focus on being healthy during that time so you're body will be ready

Hope you're ok xxx

 

[Iwant3]

I have had 2 early losses and a chemical straight after my 10 week miscarriage! and everytime it happened like you all I wanted to do was try again asap and have the hope of a new bfp and to fill the void with another pregnancy! DH was always on the whatever you want to do I'll back you up kind of thing so it was never really an issue - we did have a wobble after the first miscarriage where DH day before ovulation day said he wanted to wait a few months, but then the next day he said it was just a wobble and no reason to wait so we didn't and got a bfp (unfortunately miscarried again).......

It's been 5 months since I was last pregnant now and I feel totally ready = like it was a natural break that we didn't conceive in those months. If you feel a break would benefit your relationship it would be important to take one......important thing is to keep talking to each other about it and how each other feels, don't assume you both feel the same about it all.

good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Mummy2toddler]

Sorry to hear you had a chemical. I had a chemical last year and was absolutely gutted. I decided to ttc straight after and I got pregnant the month after x