I'm truely a horrible person=[[

[LuW]

Now before I start, I know this will upset a few people. I'm just hoping someone says 'Oh god I felt like that at (insert random time here).

I love my OH to pieces, it's just lately with him being on tour he's seemed extremely distant whenever we've spoken, none of the cuteness there used to be in our conversations. He just lets me lead and answers with one or two words unless theres something he needs to tell me over whatever. I know he's on limited time, I'd just like ten minutes of daftness instead of 15 of me talking to myself. It's started to feel like I'm in this on my own. I know he's just having a hard time which makes the next part of this worse.


I'm a cuddler. It's like my thing, I crave physical contact constantly. So, Like a b*tch, I phoned a close friend of mine (J) and asked him if I could swing by his flat as I was in that area anyway. His flat mate openned the door as a typical student does (pretty drunk lol) and I found J in like the common room with beer in hand, and passed me one (Also said I looked like crap so thanks for that J.. )
We talked over absolutely everything with OH and J quite rightly told me that he does need me right now and I have to be strong for him, which is hard when whenever we talk he seems like a stranger. We pratted for a bit 'gambling' and playing cards and smoking our way through like 60 odd fags between us in the space of about 3 hours. Considering I don't usually smoke just when I'm really low that says something. We then put a film on and, s I do, I cuddled up to J, legs over his knees, head on his shoulder with his arm around me and a big squishy pillow over my body. His flat mate joked we looked like a couple and J went 'who says we aren't' as a joke. I don't remember falling asleep but we'd decided before I was guna stop on the sofa, then I woke up in J's bed (fully dressed still, so nothing happened) holding on to the neck of his shirt like a loon with eyeliner and mascara down my face and over his shirt.


I've never felt so comfortable with someone other then my OH, but it actually felt nice just pratting about then cuddling up and waking up feeling safe. I can't work ot if I'm just feeling this because OH's away ( even though I'm used to that) or because of how I feel he's treating me.

I know I should be thinking about him and how hard things are for him but I do kind of need someones arms to fall into atm as it's getting closer to Billie's birthday and I sure as hell don't want to be alone right now. Am I just making excuses for the fact I want to play house with J? Confused.


Sorry for the long post, just needed to right it down- don't feel the need to comment, spesh if your going to preach over cheating - I would never actually do anything othe then cuddle.


xxx

 

[Geminiblue]

OK here goes. My OH is not a cuddler and not emotional and sometimes, just sometimes I miss that as I am/used to be very affectionate. BUT I know as I have been round the block a few times and back actually and I know that my OH is a good man. I love him very much and yes I get frustrated and doubt that he loves me from time to time, but I know that there is not someone out there better for me. IF he thinks there is someone out there better for him then he will find that person, but its not going to be me doing that searching if that makes sense. Got that T shirt and I didnt fit back then it sure aint guna now.

Do you think you could spend the rest of your life without your OH? Never seeing, never touching, never speaking, NOT EVER? How does that thought make you feel? If it makes you feel bad at all then you need to work on whats happening with your OH. Tell him that you think hes being distant and if there is anything you can say or do, or not say or do to help him? Whether there is anything you need to discuss?


The arms around you thing, the security/insecurity thing, is short lived, its momentary, you are craving affection and getting that from a friend or otherwise is not going to address the issue with your OH or with you needing that affection...does any of this make sense?

Ive had a chat with my OH lately about his lack of empathy and he laughed!!!! BUT he's trying to be warmer. He ran in tonight as he heard me saying to a friend on the phone that there was a massive spider "Ill get it for you baby" is what he shouted ha ha, thats his way of affection!!!! Nobodys perfect and I have to remind myself Im not either and that he has a kind heart.... searching in another place whether its innocent affection or not is not going to make you feel better or solve any issues (this is not a lecture about being faithful or unfaithful its about human nature).

Im not sure if thats helping babe but try not to feel guilty about it, have honesty with yourself and ensure that it doesnt happen again, unless you are completely honest with yourself and see that ending up in bed with a friend ends up with you ending up in bed with a "friend" and youll have something to really feel guilty about . Does that make sense?

xxxx

 

[Geminiblue]

ps youre not a horrible person youre just feeling down and lonely xxx

 

[littlemiss83]

I've not been in this situation coz i'm not really a cuddler - but I know if sometime is missing in a relationship, people look for it elsewhere, its natural & its a shame your OH is missing out on that with you. Its good that you have a male friend that you can cuddle & nothing else.

You should try having a good chat with your OH next time he's free, explain that your emotional needs aren't being met!

 

[LuW]

The thing is he is a cuddler normally and obvs we can't be together atm because hes on tour. It's changing him and I just want him home. The idea of not having him in my life hurts so badly but right now he isn't giving me much of an option.

Today he thought it would be appropriate to post on facebook this- 'no it's fine no one send me anything - not like I'm feeling lonely or ewt. Hell I might even move out here for good' no message saying I love you or telling me how his feeling.

I totally get what your saying Gem- the difference between having a friend to cuddle and a 'friend' to 'cuddle'. I really do love my OH, he's just making it so hard for me to stand by him and do everything I can to make things better for him, and sometimes (like today) he acts like a selfish brat and pushes me away.

One thing I think he still wants, is for us to have a litte mini try at our munchkin when he's home on R&R but I'm scared he'll go straight back to behaving like this once he's back out there. I've already stopped us once after he had a paddy over work and I don't know if thats whats making him cause a fuss. God I might just be thinking this through too much.

Just want my man back being himself and home and so wish my little boy could be with us.



Thanks girls, its made me feel not so awful about this. xxx

 

[suzzi]

few things you need to ask yourself,

Will you tell OH that you went round to your friends house?

Would you be happy if he did the same?

I for one would go mental if my OH stayed the night at a friends house that was female, it would end our relationship as i wouldnt be able to stop thinking that something went on. no matter how much i loved him.

How long will OH be away, is it normal for him to be away for a long time, i think you need to sit down and talk everything through with him so you know where you stand and are back to feeling loved and secure.

your not a horrible person you just seem a little lost to me x x big hugs x x

 

[Geminiblue]

one thing you cant change is him, but you can change your behaviour so I would continue be caring and loving, send him messages like that. He sounds lost and lonely too send him messages and a gift if you can, keep it up ignore him pushing you away as its a vicious circle and see what happens then....well thats what i would do, it will be hard but worth a try x

 

[LuW]

Suzzi - He knows and he does and will always spend nights at female friends of his and tbh I really don't care - I'm far too laid back too be bothered. If he was going to cheat he's ample opertunity in his job and I've seen plenty of the lads do it purely by sayig 'Sorry babe- can't come home I'm on guard this weekend' then they go and do whatever and he always tells me wherever he eds up being. And it is and isn't. Normally he's away in germany, but we speak every single day either on the phone or on skype. But now he's actually on tour with the army so I can only speak to him for like 10 mins a week. And I can get the odd message from him and thats all.

Gem- he's got a little 'bag' of goodies already half way there and I've a nice big medium postpak packed with all his favourite sweets and a new duvet cover and silly things for him that'll hopefully remind him that he is loved and wanted and that he really does need to cut ties with his family as they just stir sh*t when we really don't need it.

Could have killed his sister today ¬¬


Thanks guys xxxxxxxxxxxxx