Im trapped!

[beth1234]

Hey girls.
I need some advice, NYE.. my boyfriend flipped out on me, nearly ended up hittin me.. and he was sobar.....Last night he snapped again on the phone tellin me to delete somebody off facebook and if i didnt he would finish me
i thought this was rediculous, im 19 nearly 20 and i have my fella sayin this to me, but seen as im pregnant and dont wanna be alone, i agreed. But hes scared me, im not sure i want to be with him anymore and i just wanna run away.. but i know i cant because of the baby. Its all such a mess, iv missed a lot out cos its a huuge story.

My point is, he was saying to me last night that he ''110% didnt want the baby'' i said its a bit late for that! He asked me what i was thinkin and i said ''Im wonderin what the hell iv got myself into'' and he replied ''you know what u do, you get rid and FUCK OFF'' i was shocked. then he started textin me tellin me how much he wanted it to work!
i just dont know what to do

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'm sure the thought of being alone right now is scary but if you don't want to be with him any more (and it sounds like you'd be a hell of a lot better off away from him), you CAN do this on your own. Have you got family near you for support? Even just to stay with them for a few days while you think things through away from him? Do you live together?

If you are at all worried that he's going to hurt you, please don't be afraid to leave him just because of the baby. You deserve so much better

 

[beth1234]

Thanks for the quick reply!!
We dont live together thankfully, and the thing is - i already have a 17 month old from a previous relationship that broke down at 12 weeks pregnant and hes never seen my son in his life. Iv managed to bring him up alone, but the thought of doing it alone twice scares me
Before we knew i was pregnant, he was amazing.. our relationship was a typical fun young one. And now, things just seem messy. Hes told all his family, and i havnt. I live with my mum and i know she would make me leave home, so im waiting til im ready to move out to tell her. He was happy, then hes changed his mind.
I dont know what hes capable of anymore - He says he would never lay a finger on me, but when he got mad it was like a different person sitting next to me, and he was sober, would of been a different story if he was drunk!

I just dont know what to do for the best, wether to talk to him or not?

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'd at least give him a bit of space to think about the way he's been treating you - it's not uncommon for partners to freak out when they find out they're going to have a baby..even when that baby is planned. There's no excuse for treating you so badly that you feel afriad of him though. What makes you think your mum would make you leave? She might surprise you if you tell her everything

 

[ickleprawn]

Leave him now!!! I was with a controlling, threatening man for 4 years - good for the first one but then he snapped over someone who was my friend. After that he was manipulative, threatening, suspicious, controlling - he made my life hell. He made me text him all the time so he knew what I was doing and expected me to answer the phone whenever he rang. We lived about 2 hours apart and he controlled every aspect of my life. It took me 3 years, meeting someone absolutley lovely (now my husband) and a phonecall to the police after he started smashing cars up (starting with mine) in the car park outside my flat to get rid of him. Even now I worry about bumping in to him as he lives near my parents. I wasted 4 years of my life with him. It all starts as something so small and they apologise and make you think it's just because they care so much, you end up being sucked into their excuses and making your own for them, but you'll never be happy living like that. It's not love.

Sorry for the rant, it just sounds so similar to my situation. Make your own decision about the baby - you don't need him messing with your head. I'm sure you'll find someone lovely to love and support you both.

 

[evie_smith]

sounds like your better off without him hun sorry x x x

 

[ickleprawn]

Just read your reply above - couldn't you tell your mum everything and see what she says. She know him and you and wouldn't want to push you into moving him with him if he treats you like that. As Sam's mum said, at least give him some space to think about things, and point out to him how he's made you feel. xxx

 

[beth1234]

Well my mum has always said that if i ever got pregnant again, she would throw me out for being careless. It sounds strange but i dont have the sort of relationship with my mum where i could go and talk to her about things like this, strange but true!!

ickleprawn - That is what im afriad of, i can see my life months down the line and him being a control freak. Especially when im carrying his first baby, he'll be a living nightmare.

The thing is with him, hes a football hooliagan. So hes not afraid of anything, i threaten to leave him if he flips on me again - does nothing to him. He said to me if you dont go out anymore on a saturday night i wont go to football, to me, thats a little immature. You can go and watch football without arrangin to go and have a big fight with the opposite team supporters. Gets me so pissed off!!

He told me i need to ''sort my head out'' iv told him iv stopped drinkin and im makin an effort for this baby, puttin away any spare cash i have (which of course isnt easy when i have a child already!) and he said hel do the same. Yet he hasnt.

Its such a mess. Sounds horrible but i just wish i wasnt pregnant. Im startin to love the little bean more and more each day but, its somethin which is makin me attached to him forever

 

[Sam's Mum]

I think it all does nothing to him because he doesn't think you mean it. You might threaten to leave him but he doesn't think that you actually will, because he thinks that he's the one in control. After the way he's been this week I'd cut all contact for the next few days, take some time for yourself and make him realise that you're not putting up with his behaviour. Sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do

 

[ToffeePop]

I'm biting back my comments in case they're unhelpful but to sum up my thoughts on your posts ref. this "boyfriend"? Step away.

Step away. A violent man - or potentially so - is NOT worth sticking around. Just trust me on this one. Please.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I havent posted for the same reason as Toffeepop...I dont think I could be very constructive.

 

[Kylie85]

Hi,

Don't really hVe much advice, do you have any close friends or someone else in your family to talk to for support. You also need to consider if he sticks around and turned on you is there a possibilty that in time he could turn on bubs?

Anyway I hope you're ok all things considered.

 

[evie_smith]

i would say to leave him def i have been in a violent relationship before which started with him being funny about my friends and family then he would come to visit me and be fine next thing you know he would snap at me for somthing i love you - fuck off leave me stay with me one thing and the next it ended with him hitting me so i was almost unconsious then rapping me and said the next day he just 'wasting thinking properly' he was the same i would say i was going and there wasnt a blind bit of notice he was lovley then it all un spiralled all at once put it this way if he does end up hitting you he might hit your tummy then would you want to put the baby at risk would you want someone like that around you baby full stop? sorry to be blunt hun x

 

[ickleprawn]

Perhaps one thing you need to think about are your options - and yes, you do have some!!! You've called this thread "I'm trapped", which indicates the fact that he's got you where he wants you. You're not trapped and you need to show him that it's your life, your body and your baby. If you decide to work things out with him it should be on your terms. Tell him to leave you alone for a few days whilst you think things through and talk to your friends (don't tell him that you're talking to friends as this will wind him up!!! - just tell him how he's made you feel and that you need some space). Consider your options and decide what's best for you and your children. Do you honestly think this is a one off because he's a bit freaked out about being a dad, or could it end up spiralling into something worse? And remember once it starts spiralling out of control, it's so, so hard to get out of it. The mental damage a controlling man can do is often much worse and much longer lasting than the physical things, although they often go hand in hand.

I hope this helps - am no expert, am just speaking from my own experience. I know what I would do, but I have hindsight on my side now!!! Good luck Beth. xxx

 

[bearsmummy]

My ex boyfriend was like this specially when i told him i was expecting and i just had to make the descision to get rid of him because there was no chance at all of me giving up my baby for him. I'm on my own now and at first it was really scary but it gets alot easier trust me 'm the same age as you aswell so i know how you feel! x

 

[furryheart]

Honey, i really feel for you. You need to get rid of this "man" as you are worth alot more. Your babies need you to be strong. I know how it feels to have an idiot in my life like you have. You can do it, as you have proved that already!
Will be thinking of you

 

[Mamafy]

I have to agree with toffeepop and Merv's mum I'd just advise you to kick his miserable ass and a pg lady shouldn't be kicking anyone ass

No-one should be afraid of anyone, the minute you are ; they should be HISTORY!

You deserve so much better hun and so does your little baby xxx

 

[Toonlass]

I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years! Why did i stay so long? because i was pregnant when he became abusive and i didn't want to leave him when we had a child together. One day he hit my son over the head when he was 5 and that was it. I waited for him to go out and i had a van come round, put my stuff in it and left. I rented a small house in a different town and had no sofa or bed or white goods but i slowly found my feet again with the help of my family. I don't have a very good relationship with my mam but when it matters she is there for me as i am for her.

Don't take any chances with this dude coz to be fair he sounds like a divvy anyway, i hate footy hooligans!! Keep yourself and your bean safe and away from him. Good luck xx

 

[secondtimemum]

This is so sad but you have to be strong. Get in touch with your local authority about getting your own place. Talk to your mum. You can do this... you can... and we'll all be here to support you whenever you need us x

 

[joanna0110]

Hi Beth, I don't think I can say anymore on this matter. Just wanted to add that one of the questions that i was asked during my booking app was if i had any concerns about my relationship, or if there was any abuse. My MW later explained that abuse increases during pregnancy and what this man is doing is abusive. It is worrying for both you, your son and baby if this kind of treatment escalates. I don't think this relationship will improve as this man seems to have complete lack of respect for you. I know you say yu don't have a good relationship with your mum but i would talk to her, before she finds out your pregnant from someone else. Just be open and honest, i'm sure she wil give you time to find your own place and help you with things.

Hope things work out for you x