need to moan, sorry

Discussion in 'First Trimester' started by Layla, Jun 4, 2005.

  1. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    hi guys

    i need your help with something, as some of you know, im having trouble with my other half, he has been driving me crasy, to the point where im questioning whether or not i want to be with him.

    here is an expamle of what happend today

    i was carring a light chair upstairs ro put in my daughters room, no big deal, i would not do anything that i thought wuld hurt the baby or myself.
    as i got it upstairs, the chair came off in my hand, i told him about this and he came upstairs to see, i was putting it back together myself when he tryied to take over, i stopped him and said i was ok doing it myself, he then said "oh fine" like a little kid and stropped off!
    i pulled him up on it and said there was no need for that, then he turnt round and said, i cant win with you????

    i dont get that, he trys to take over everything im doing, he treats me like im thick or an invaild!! its driving me crazy.

    i have told him to stop doing this a number of times but i dont seem to get through to him. then when he does it and i tell him not to, im the one in the wrong??!

    he sulks like this at least twicew a day and it really is getting me down, i already have 2 children, and im carring another one, i didnt expect to be marring one aswell!

    now what i need to know from you girlys is, am i over reacting? is it me, or is he really being the chlid i see him being?

    thanks, and sorry to go on

    xxxx
     
  2. Lisa J

    Lisa J Well-Known Member

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    Hello
    maybe he is just trying to protect you, it might be him just caring for you, and then when you tell him you don't need his help he feels useless, some men do get that coz you are the one whose got the baby inside them and they can't do anything.
    BUT there is no need for him to sulk like a child, you do not need that, (are you sure your not just being over sensitive coz of your hormones).
    then as you said you have told him already you are capable then he should allow you to carry stuff. sorry to go on i am just tryng to see both sides of it!! to be honest he sounds like he needs a slap and told to grow up!!!
    keep in touch
    xxx
     
  3. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    he used to sulk like a child before i got pregnant, i have talked toh im about it a few times, i think coz im pregnant with all the hormones running about i am letting it get to me more.

    im really on my last nerve with him
     
  4. Lisa J

    Lisa J Well-Known Member

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    your right your hormones are probably making it worse,
    HOWEVER he is a grown man and should not be acting like this!!! was you who posted before about his mum buying you a fridge and him buying your kids furniture?
     
  5. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    yeah that was me.

    i have worked out, that without the fridge, i owe him £485, i can pay that back to him weekly if we do break up, i know im sounding heartless now, but i really cant help it, id rather bring up this baby on my own than have another chlid getting under my feet and sulking when he doesnt get his own way
     
  6. Lisa J

    Lisa J Well-Known Member

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    have you told him you feel this way? maybe if you told him eactly how you feel and i mean eveything inc. that you wanna leave coz of his behaviour it could make things better? you will never know until u try, forget about the money for now that is irrelevant, this is about your feelings, is he happy about the baby???
     
  7. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    yes he is happy about the baby, whihc makes thinsg twice as hard for me
     
  8. Lisa J

    Lisa J Well-Known Member

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    you need to tell him, thats the only way that i can see things getting any better what do you think his reaction will be???
     
  9. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    he will either go quiet and sulk, or blame it all on me
     
  10. Lisa J

    Lisa J Well-Known Member

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    how old is he????
    he sounds like he is 12, you can't live like that its not fair on you but you do need to discuss it with him before you can make any decisions about your future, if he tries blaming you then ask him to explain in full why it is your fault i bet he hasn't got any real answers! they never do.
     
  11. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

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    Hey Leyla!

    Thought it would be better to answer you on your thread. You know, really before you make a big decision like this, wait for a bit. I get stressed sometimes when my b/f wants to cuddle me, i even shout at him and tell him to leave me alone. sometimes I blank him out totally and he asks me " do you hate me that much?" and i would answer yes but i know it is not how i feel deep down. He knows it is my hormones and when i told him i wanted to have the abortion he asked to take my time because hormones can play a very important part in the decisions you make. If I had listen to my hormones, there will not be aby baby. And since i have cancelled it, i feel a bit better about it. you told me you beleived in fate. So wait a few weeks, at least until you are well in your second semester. You are keeping the baby and you said otherwise your partner was good with you and your kids. That is why I am advising you to wait for a bit until your hormones calm down. If you still feel the same then leave him but you might change your mind.
    talk to him, tell him that what is doing is irritating you, tell him everything that irritates you and tell him also that your feelings are not as strong at the moment due to your pregnancy and hormones going on. Tell him you are finding it hard and he needs to understand that things are happening in our body. you know what, if you go to google and look for pregnancy week by week, they explain all the different stages for women, physically and emotionnally and they give tips for men of what to do to.

    this is just my opinion :D

    Good luck,
    Nathalie
     
  12. HayleyB

    HayleyB Well-Known Member

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    Graham keeps trying to take over stuff that i do, which is annoying me, my response is "i'm pregnant not sick"
    I know he's only looking out for mine and the baby's best interests, but it irritates me that all cos of this that i can't do the things i'm used to doing!!
    We've had to have words about it and last night i told him to get out of the house if he was going to sulk and not talk to me (we're at my parents house dog sitting) so i knew he could go back to our house. And i have once before considered splitting with him, but i think it is just my hormones making all those things that normally i can deal with.
    I don't know what to advise you, cos it seems that his answer to everything is withdraw and sulk... which is what graham did yesterday, so i sat in silence for half an hour till he would talk to me (i even turned the TV off!!!)

    He needs to know that he is upsetting you, and its messing with your head and your hormones just aren't helping the situation!!!!

    Good luck whatever you decide xxxx
     
  13. Nikki2003

    Nikki2003 Well-Known Member

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    futuremum

    Hey how is everything going? Work things out yet? I ain't trying to tell you what to do, I'm just offering you some advice you can take it or you can leave it, that's totally up to you but whatever you do PLEASE don't get an abortion....I know a girl that's friends with my older sister who got an abortion and she really regrets it....if things don't get any better and you don't want to keep your baby if anything adopt the baby out but don't abort it.....there's a lot of people out there that can't have babies of thier own and you should be proud that you have a 'lil baby growing inside of you that's part of you and the man you love.....
    (maybe it's not my place saying all that stuff)...but just before you do anything think it through so that you don't make any mistakes you'd later regret.
     
  14. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    he is my age, 27
     
  15. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

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    Hey Nikki!

    I have made up my mind last week and it was to keep the baby. I am also staying with my b/f, see if things will get better as he is really keen on trying to improve his attitude and so far he has been very good!
    Thanks for your concern!

    Nathalie
     
  16. Nikki2003

    Nikki2003 Well-Known Member

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    Hey I am so glad that you didn't take that as offensive! Also that's great that you're keeping your baby and that you and your man are doing a lot better. Personally I could never give up my baby that would be too hard to do.....
    But congratulations and best of luck :oops: :roll: Well, if you ever need anyone to talk to just let me know.

    ~Nikki Lee~
    married 7 months, will be 21 7/30)
     
  17. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    well my other half has gone out now, i called my mate and asked him to take him out for a drink to get him out of my hair for a while, he is going to try and talk to him for me as im not getting through to him
     
  18. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    i wanted to talk to my midwife about it today to see if she could recomend something if it is just hormoes, but he was there so i couldnt, grrrrrr
     
  19. Lisa J

    Lisa J Well-Known Member

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    i am glad that your man went out for a while to give you some time off, i can't believe he is 27 and acts like that, i hope your mate got through to him tonight.
    Bloody midwifes they are never there when you need them,
    let me know how you get on
    xxxxx
     
  20. futuremum

    futuremum Well-Known Member

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    Hey Leyla!


    How did it go yesterday then? Did he manage to see things a bit better?
    something you could try but the problem is it can work in the reverse way too is to show him some of the posts you wrote on here. When i had this argument with my b/f , he looked at my posts while i was at work. I don't put any password or the password is always remembered on this site but he told me although that did hurt him, he understood better my state of mind and he has been better since. but as i said it can work against you too.

    hope things will get better,

    Nathalie
     

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