I'm So Mad!!!

[dannii87]

I'm soooo angry...

My Mum & Dad divorced when I was 15 (6 years ago), I chose to live with my Mum, and the courts decided that because of my decision & the fact they think children are better off together, they put my 2 brothers in her custody too (my Dad got the house instead).

My whole Dad's side of the family HATE my Mum with a passion. They disowned me (without actually saying it) because of this and I suddenly I was no longer invited to family meals etc and was completely excluded by them all.

My Dad is very stormy, you can't have an opinion with him. It's his way or the highway so I could never voice my annoyance about it all. He also blames me for a lot of stuff, which is ok because I've got over it now and have stopped blaming myself, so I see it as their problem. Not mine.

Anyway, my Dad started to say "go & see Grandma & Grandad" (his mum & dad) and started trying to basically force me over there when they'd not spoken to me for years! So once or twice a year I'd go through gritted teeth. Chat nicely and leave again - They NEVER contact me, but get very pissed off with me when I don't go and visit!

There is too much to go into but I actually don't have one ounce of love or respect for my Dads side (only my Dad). I think they're values are crap and the way they treat people are disgusting.

My Auntie has recently started contacting me (funnily enough, since I got pregnant), out of the blue, no mention of why she disowned me as a young teenager and telling me she "is getting very impatient for the arrival of Evie" - Who the fuck is she to get impatient?!

I'm SOOOOO angry. I've started to ignore her but she STILL emails me. She hates my Mum too and says things like "I bet Evie will be a Priestman" "If she has dark hair, she's a Priestman" it's all about being a friggin' Priestman!! It makes me so mad!

I wish I could tell them all to go shove it up their arses because I don't want Evie getting involved in their crap, or me for that matter. I can't say anything though because they'll tell my Dad who will then disown me (he's done it LOADS of times before, but we've been alright for about a year now (no fall outs) and I want that to carry on.

I've been so tempted to just say to her;

"To be honest, I'm feeling a bit confused that no-one's ever bothered with me up until I find out I'm pregnant?! It makes me feel a bit uneasy and whenever this happens (where I've apparently done something with no mention of "what" I've actually done) all of a sudden it's all brushed under the carpet and because I'm pregnant, I'm a bonafied Priestman member again!?"

I'm too much of a whimp.

It's getting me down because as soon as Evie is born, they'll buy her loads, want me to go visit constantly, get angry when I don't etc... xx

 

[purple13]

you can't choose your family no advice from me i'm afraid - i'd be just like you and want to say something but never actually do it...

 

[LisaJ1986]

My family is sort of similar. Mum and dad split 4 years ago and dad's side turned snobby on us. Mum moved out then dad did and left us kids to it. Dad's side never spoke to me as i never had kids, just my sister as she did. Then my younger sister had a baby and i got pushed further out. I stopped getting invited places.
Then i find out i'm pregnant and dad gives my auntie my number and she starts texting me. Silly things like "Is she not here yet?" and "If you ever need a babysitter" Firstly they complain when my younger sister ask them to babysit, and secondly they can't as i'm breastfeeding. I keep getting these texts but i never reply. It may sound rude but it's just as rude as they have been to me in the past! And to be honest, i'd have thought my dad will have mentioned i'm still breastfeeding.
I don't go and visit anyone, same as they don't visit me! My aunt and uncle complained they haven't seen me or baby yet, but they're always on holiday, and they know where i am! They never even spoke to me last christmas, and they were sat a few feet away from me! I have a fairly large family but no one really has ever bothered with me, so they won't start now!

I know it's not as severe as your situation but just ignore them. You do as you have been. You give Evie the life you want her to have! Sod the family, this is your family now. I'd keep dropping hints if i do speak to them like, she looks like a (whatever your mum's side is called!). Just to be slightly annoying! Lol

 

[mum's the word]

People are nosey in general when someone in the family are pregnant, but the novelty soon wears off with the less genuine family members once they've had a look to see who she looks like etc.
There's nothing like a birth to bring all sorts of unwelcome (and welcome) attention, but from what you've said it sounds like pure curiosity to me (maybe mixed in with a bit of guilt-you never know).
You'll always have an excuse to be 'too busy' to visit them once baby arrives, eg 'I'm watching Jeremy Kyle, having a nap' etc!
You will make sure your baby doesn't have any negative influences around her-it'll come naturally so don't worry-sod the nosey gits!

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

I don't really have any advice or anything to say that would make you feel better but didn't like to read and run so have some of these instead

 

[nickilubs]

May just be me but yes they will try and home in on Evie when you have her but if they don't like your mum and you don't spend overly alot of time with your dad or when you do its probably on mutual ground then you wont have to see them. So yep If I was really annoyed and I didn't want anything to do with them then I think you should just ignore it all, you didn't need them when you were growing up and Evie wont either. The thing I find with with family's and things like that is that its all well and good till Evie becomes a teenager and then they will start to see yours and your mums ways in her and will put her through what you had to go through and she will be the one getting upset that they are acting strangely after when she was little she was a "priestman" then shes grown up and has got your ways because she will adopt them your her mammy. Also if they have made it clear to you they hate your mum then its not exactly a nice thing for her to hear about how much they hate her nanny because she will pick up on the little comments and stuff.

 

[dannii87]

its not exactly a nice thing for her to hear about how much they hate her nanny because she will pick up on the little comments and stuff.

Yeah that's it!! They will say things about my Mum and I don't want Evie hearing nasty stuff about people she's going to love..

Hmmm.. Well, little update. She emailed me saying

"Dannii! For heaven's sake! What is that girl doing to us?! I desperately want to see pics of Evie. When you've had her, send me pics as I'd like to add them to my profiles and blog so everyone can see my beautiful neice! You'll have to pop down to London with her one weekend and come and stay. Beginning of Oct is good for me as I have a week off 2nd-8th Oct. Take care & inform me the second anything happens! I'm too excited! Love Aunt D x"

I just replied saying "Hiya, she'll be here soon. I'd rather pics of her stayed with me and not on the net to be honest on various profiles... I'll post them on my profile and you can have a look that way. Beginning of Oct Evie will only be a few weeks old and I don't really fancy tubing it to London with a newborn! It's my Mum's birthday on 7th Oct anyway, but thanks for the offer. Take care x"

Thing is, she'll just KEEP emailing me!! There's no amount of hinting to get that woman to realise xx

 

[Flame]

That email is very selfish! I would personally not let her see the photos on your profile cause she can still copy them and from the sounds of it she will still put them on her profile whether you like it or not.

In future i would let them come to you, dont go to them just cause say so, if they want to see you and you want to see them they can go to you. Also if my dad had disowned me so many times i think i would have just given up with him and if he speaks to you then all good, if not dont worry yourself cause you know he will again in time. Tell them you dont want anything said against your mother in front of Evie and make it very clear the minute they do you will leave.

I know you say you are a bit worried of saying what you think cause you are afraid of being disowned but personally i think if they disown you for speaking the truth about how you feel then they are not worth being "owned" by and you would be hassle free without them.

 

[ejjie]

"Dannii! For heaven's sake! What is that girl doing to us?! I desperately want to see pics of Evie. When you've had her, send me pics as I'd like to add them to my profiles and blog so everyone can see my beautiful neice! You'll have to pop down to London with her one weekend and come and stay. Beginning of Oct is good for me as I have a week off 2nd-8th Oct. Take care & inform me the second anything happens! I'm too excited! Love Aunt D x"

Danni I can't believe she even suggested you 'popping down to LONDON!' to see her with a new born baby! She will eventually get the hint, especially if you leave it a bit longer to get back to her emails etc. I know you think you're being a wimp but to be honest I would handle it in that way rather than the confrontation, especially right now - you don't need the stress when you are waiting for Evie... Although if you are looking to kick start the labour...!?

 

[nickilubs]

"Pop down to London" Shouldn't she make a effort to be coming to you!!! Your probably just going to have to be blunt with her....not necessarily nasty just be honest say you don't want to bring Evie up around people bad mouthing her Nanny and thats what will happen also I expect although your mum wont have said anything she probably doesnt want that either.