i'm so down....

[Marianne]

I've been down for a long time ....

it started when my OH's ex started being a bitch, she tried getting him to go behind my back and let her come to our house with the kid's while i was at work but without my knowing...but i cought him out as he asked me when i was working and when i was off ... i didnt click at first but then thought that's unusual, he doesnt usually ask (his face was stuck in his fone when he asked) i asked y u asking he said just wondering and i never said anything else about it... then i cought a glimpse of a txt from her saying " so whens she working and whens she off then" ... and i put 2 and 2 together ... i asked him out right about it and he said he thought it was the right thing to do to be able to see his kids...he was warned she was not to be in my house without my being there ... but she didnt want me anywhere near her kid's but he was warned she was never to be in my house and i would find out if she had been without my knowing .....

then she started sending pics of herself to his phone (fully clothed) but with things written like "and then you would cum" ..... i mean wtf ??? he said she hadnt been txting before the pic came through and he had no idea what it meant .... (hmmmm ??? )

anyway after that she was constantly foning him and asking him back and txting 24 hours a day (literally) ....

then she started harrassing me on fb saying he had cheated on me with 3 girls and that 1 of them was his mate who he hung about with everyday .... he denied it and still denies it .....

a couple of times we were getting intimate and actually having sex when he called me her name !!! he done this twice !!!

??????????????

after that i went off having sex .... i had sex with him but just bcos i didnt want to constantly say no .. i felt bad ... but i was so down and hurt .... but he acted like nothing has happend .....

i've been off sex for nearly a year now ... and it's starting to take it's toll on our relationship ... i personally believe it's bcos i'm depressed but he doesnt understand .... he rolls over in the bed in a huff and tells me to fuck off or storms downstairs and doesnt come back to bed ........

i love him and i still find him very attractive but i'm lost ... i dont know how to get us back on track

 

[Cantstop]

Aww hun, no wonder you feel down, it must be so draining having that worry and her presence and nastiness and everything constantly surrounding you. It's a right mess when there's kids involved and you can't be shot of her. Him calling out her name too - jeez, he's lucky a) you didn't chop his sex equipment clean off, and b) that you let him near you with it ever again. I don't know what to suggest to improve things, other than to not let her have the satisfaction of messing with your head and relationship. He could do with being a bit more sensitive and 'on your side' - telling you to fuck off and scheming behind your back are hardly likely to help. The only thing I can think of is having a heart to heart with him about how all of it is affecting you and getting him to change the way he deals with her so it's more him and you, and less him and her versus you.

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'm not surprised you're feeling down He's said her name while you were having sex and he's wondering why you've gone off it?!!
If she doesn't want you near her kids is there any way he can take them out somewhere on his own, or have them over without her being there? He needs to think about how all this is making you feel too, and while I do think it's important for parents who aren't together to be civil for the sake of their children if possible, you and Findlay are his family as well as his other kids, and if she's going to behave the way she is he needs to realise how it's affecting you.
I agree that you need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him exactly how it's all making you feel - or write it all down. Is there someone who could look after Findlay for an evening so you could have an evening to yourselves at home - a nice dinner and a chat or something? x

 

[Geminiblue]

oh wow you poor thing, I think that would send me over the edge and your baby is still so young, you are going through a lot. OK he needs to set boundaries around his ex and make it clear to her that you are aware of what is going on and that it is unacceptable. Like Samsmum said, he needs to arrange another time/place to have the kids. Also, do you think you have postnatal depression? as a direct result of having a baby AND the rubbish you are having to put up with? God I know how hard it was for me in the early days with my LO let alone all of this. Maybe see your doc and have a chat. I would feel the same about having sex with him after him mentioning her name xxx

 

[suzzi]

ive had problems with OH ex when we first started seeing each other, ive had the police round saying were harrassing her when we havent even spoke to her, turns out she did this to use against OH in court when he went to get access to his kids, she has sent me solicitors letters for taking her kids out to a theme park for the day!!! so i understand the stress your under.

your OH needs to grow a backbone and tell her in front of you that there is no way she will come between you with all this rubbish she is sending via text that he is not interested in her only their kids and that you will be there when he sees the kids.

he also needs to be honest with you about what she is saying and sending on phone.

i know its hard not to react but if he opens up to you and tells you all the stuff she says even if its sexual ect try not to have a go at him.

block her on FB so she cant send you messages or see your profile and make sure OH does the same.

good luck hun i know its hard x x x