I think it's finally hitting me ...

[Mildly]

... that I'm going to have a baby

Now I was, obviously aware of this before, but I think because I was focussing so much on progressing through the pregnancy - what with it all being so new to me, that I just hadn't really contemplated the actual birth and the actual having a baby.

I've started having panicky dreams over the last few nights, not specifically about having a baby to look after but I do think that they are related to that.

Oh is becoming more and more excited (which is lovely) but it is making me feel so much more nervous about everything. I worry about the pain of childbirth, about not bonding with Oscar afterwards properly, about coping on my own when OH goes back to work, about feeling stuck holding the baby and not having enough time for me, about not being able to afford to go back to work if I want to and about then not having any of my own money for the first time ever (well in many years anyway), about losing the phenomenal amount of weight I have put on and regaining my lovely flat stomach that I had.

Everyone else I see with babies looks so content and I worry that because I am not the most maternal of people that I won't be. I went to a first birthday party yesterday and there were loads of kids of differing ages there and they all sort of annoyed me. Not specifically things that they did, just them being there as I am so used to not coming into contact with kids. Please someone tell me it is different with your own kids!

I wonder if these feelings stem from the fact that it was OH's idea to start a family and if it had been left to me, I probably would never had made that decision. Don't get me wrong, I do feel bonded with Oscar, especially since the 20 w scan. But when he is actually here it's going to be so different. I mean now, there is no crying, no having to think who can look after him if I need to go somewhere. He's just a part of me at the moment and although it is knackering it doesn't really involve any extra effort from me.

Sorry for the depressing post, I just felt I had to get it out there instead of bottling it up. I guess I'm kinda hoping that worries like this are natural which will make me feel less of a freak. I have been reading posts in the Babies section which have been making me feel a bit better and a bit more prepared. I'm sure this is just a phase and that I will snap out of it soon

 

[Strangeness]

I'm still in denial about this baby actually coming I try to block out thoughts of how I will cope etc because I know after having my first that you just get on with it, maternal or not! Just rest as much as possible, take any help you're offered and try to settle with your baby. It's a huge thing that takes over your life but you tend to settle into it really well and everyday is about learning what works for you and your baby.

I remember the feeling of how the hell will I cope when my dh went back to work. Being left on your own after having your partner there for the first couple of weeks is really scary but that is the time you tend to start a routine and you get special bonding time with your baby. Babies sleep a lot in the first month so catch up on any rest rather than housework!

All your worries are totally natural but when the baby is born all the things you worry about will also come to you naturally. Even if you've never been around children, you just know what to do. Just enjoy your baby hun, because the time really does go so fast!!

 

[mandspice]

I know exactly how you feel and I think it is natural to be scared....every so often I get kinda panicky thinking that there is actually another human being inside me who's going to rely on me for everything! And like you I worry about the drastic change to my life and whether I'll be happy always having to consider someone else and not being able to be selfish ever again!

But when I look at my friends who have kids I can see that being a mum is such a rewarding experience and although we'll have good and bad days the positives will definitely outweigh the negatives.

As for other people's kids I know how you feel too! It sounds awful but sometimes they get on my nerves and lately I always seem to be comparing people's parenting skills to how I want to do things! But I instinctively know it's different with your own.

I'm seeing the future as an amazing journey and new challenge and my best achievement to date - much more rewarding than any career move - and whenever I feel abit scared I think of my life pre-baby and think "yeah, it was fun but do I really want to be drinking/clubbing/wasting my money for another 10 years?" What we're doing now is going to be soooo much more meaningful

 

[JoAnn&Aimee]

You have basically described exactly how I've felt!

As for children, I don't like them. Whenever I am at the shops I get annoyed by them just being there, running around, screaming, shouting and generally being pains in the bum!

I am not the most maternal person in the world but after seeing a friend with her 10 week old son it has made me realise that with Aimee I will be different.

 

[abcd1234]

I have this a lot too! I never planned this baby and now it's suddenly hitting me that i have 3 weeks max to myself and she could be here any day.

I got pain last night and found myself thinking "oh god please go away i dont want it yet" I was just too tired for it all.

We went round Dave's mums cos they had his niece yesterday, she's 11 months but really only 8 cos she was premature, i found myself thinking oh shit it's crying what do i do? But then i realised it's not as hard as i thought, i think i'm just worried about people watching me and expecting things from me, when really i know i wanna be left to learn things about Tally and how she responds to comforting by myself, without feeling im a failure if she cries.

 

[NickyB]

I hope it helps to see other people feel the same way. I do, and it makes me feel really guilty. DH doesn't understand.

I'm worried about so many things, money, bonding, worried about regretting trying for a baby once she's here, all sorts and it's been getting me down last week.

I'm doing something positive today, have been moving loads of stuff around and have sort of started on her room which has got some enthusiasm back into me instead of moping about downstairs all day. This weekend, DH and I have been chatting a lot about money and I'm aware I'm just worrying and have no real need to.

The bonding fears have got to be normal and hormonal, I'm certain everyone must feel that wat at least once so I'm going to try and put it to the back of my head, and not read the posts where the new mums write how they haven't slept etc etc.

 

[ANNA27]

it all comes naturally once they are born, and so worth all the pain of labour

 

[Mildly]

Thanks for the replies everyone

You've made me feel better and less freakish that I'm not alone in my thinking. I've been swimming today which I think has helped to raise my mood so I'm not in full blown panic mode any more!

 

[Bubalu]

I know just how you feel Mildly!

I never have had much of a maternal instinct...guess that's why I left it to the last minute to have my own LO. I have had to force myself recently to hold other peoples babies (I'm at least getting more used to that now) other than that, I've hardly had any contact with them. As for older children, I haven't got a clue what to do with them and generally keep away from them if possible (any one would think that they were a different species!). Sometimes I catch myself in the mirror with my enormous bump and I just can't believe it's me. Strangely, I've quite enjoyed all the stages of pregnancy but somehow it doesn't add up in my brain that I'll have a baby at the end of it. On the odd occasion that it does I do worry about what sort of mother I'll be. I really want to bond with my baby and for her to feel totally loved as she grows up...I hope I can achieve that!

I'm sure we'll do fine.

 

[Neev]

I know how you feel Mildly. I have been near enough same if not exact. We did want a baby and planned for it but only because it felt like the right time - AGE!! If I was any younger I would have opted for a delay - not because I dont want children but I know there is so much more one can do before settling down to the prim and proper responsible lifestyle.

I have been freaking out at the sight of having "leaky" nipples and only yesterday was saying to DH I feel strange having to think that a child will be sucking milk (sorry for the words) but thats exactly how I felt. His words were - "you will feel odd now but the moment you have given birth and see this Little life we made depend on you for everything including feed, sleep, cuddles etc, you will know naturally this is what you would want to do for life". He made sense but I cant stop thinking a bit indifferent about it sometimes, that makes me feel guilty as this is my child but the bonding so far that has happened is great but I think it is only 5%, I just feel we will bond that extra 95% after holding him for the first time. So all the doubts will disappear.

I never used to be very maternal. Infact I used to avoid places where there were lots of kids. I could go as far as even being judgemental of others' kids but I think we all do that. When my neice and nephew came into the world a few years back I felt that difference in loving a child - I felt maternal but even today am more their friend than motherly like.

We will be very good mothers, nature has made us this way so all the doubts now are fine. I am also petrified of giving birth but keep telling myself - at the max it might be 2 days intense pain with a lifelong gain. I am going to be thinking of just that during labour but god knows what else I will be doing - maybe screaming?

Yikes - guess what I realised..its only 10 more weeks. Lord almighty, where has the time gone?

 

[claireyfairey]

I'm seeing the future as an amazing journey and new challenge and my best achievement to date - much more rewarding than any career move - and whenever I feel abit scared I think of my life pre-baby and think "yeah, it was fun but do I really want to be drinking/clubbing/wasting my money for another 10 years?" What we're doing now is going to be soooo much more meaningful

That's an amazing way of looking at it

Mildly - It's all a lot to take in huh? I get moments of panic too. I've never really had much contact with babies - older children I'm fine with but newborn babies????????? I haven't got a clue. I don't even now how to hold a baby and I panic if they so much as whimper if by some miracle I am holding them But I feel so much differently about the little girl growing in my stomach. She is mine, and I have faith that I will know how to care for her. I feel like I know her already...it's a really special feeling. Of course I panic and think 'I can't believe I am going to be looking after a baby!!!' but I'm positive it will come naturally. I'm sure you'll feel the same once you hold little Oscar in your arms Your love for him will overcome whatever obstacles you have to face and you'll learn together - it'll be great

C xxx

 

[Redshoes]

Wanted to pass on lots and lots of
And just say that Oscar will be loved, looked after and happy, and no better than by anyone else but you because you're his Mummy I never feared pregnancy or birth with Isaac, I definitely feared the after part, I had many worries and some of them did come true, it is hard work, you do lose some things you now take for granted but its a good change, and you do cope, other kids annoy me too, it doesn't mean you'll have no maternal bond with Oscar although Isaac does annoy me at times too, especially now he's decided to wake at 5am every morning for no reason

I found things with Isaac came very naturally but that's not always the case, it may not happen, but it will come to you as time passes, its a big thing having a baby and no-one can go through it like you because it is a unique experience for everyone, just know you will try your best and love him, you can't go far wrong there You're certainly not a freak for feeling the way you are, its natures way of dealing with the reality of having a baby around before they're actually here, and will help you once he arrives, you worry because you care, best wishes

 

[Mildly]

Aww thanks girls All of your kind words are great!

I feel much better today I think the combination of having posted this and having got really helpful replies has really made me feel better