I hope this is the last one...

[Lozzaste]

Tomorrow is the second due date. May 24th. I know it's highly probable I would have had the baby not on that date and as much as I tried for it not to be, it was always significant.

I lost the last one at eleven weeks or so (same as the first). It seems a long time ago but at the same time it feels like it was only yesterday. I had really hoped I would be pregnant by now but sadly I am not

Perhaps in a way, when tomorrow passes I can move out of the shadow of the losses, and move on. Poignantly, I signed up to be a fundraiser today for the saying goodbye organisation. The funds go towards counselling and also - treatment of people who lose babies. I've felt strongly about that for a while so today I spoke to the founder and I have joined. I listed my joining date as 24th, even though that's tomorrow. I was shocked by how sad I felt today, lots of tears. I do realise there was nothing I cold do or have done and that the 24th wouldn't have been any due date, because the baby and babies were destined never to make it.

Anyway, as the title says, I hope this is the last time I have to view an estimated delivery date with sadness, hopefully only joy from now. Time to move on, never forget but move on.

Sorry for the moan xxx

 

[lozzalozza]

It's not moaning it's grief and seems only natural that you'll be sad. Don't feel bad about grieving but like you say once this date has passed you have to try and focus on the future. Take care of yourself.
Hugs X

 

[scn]

Oh hun it's so hard isn't it? I would be having my 20 week scan this week so feel like after this week, I'll move on a little bit in terms of grief because that would have been the last routine scan iykwim? It'll hit me again when my due date draws close.
to you for the next few days xxxx

 

[Lozzaste]

Thanks guys
I didn't expect it to hit me like this, I really thought I was doing well.
Hope you're both well too, and thanks for the replies. I've just allowed myself a giant cookie, hope that helps xx

 

[leean10]

It's so hard isn't, I would be almost 12 weeks now and getting my scan by the midwife etc!! You deserve to feel sad and you will always remember your EDD!!

Hope you start feeling better soon xx

 

[Lozzaste]

Thank you Leean,
Yes it's so hard. I hope you're doing ok? How did your appointment go? Xx

 

[Lozzaste]

My lord, been my hubby is crying this morning. We just had a nice cuddle and I even found myself comforting him.
God this is hard. I'm hoping this is the end of the grief, almost like the peak, and now we can go back to normal and be positive xx

 

[scn]

 

[jojo3972]

It is realy hard no matter how far u were it hits like a brick wall when the day arrives specialy being on a forum when u see all the ladies u were I. The first tri with giving birth to there bundles happybfirnthem but very sad fir ur self I found the anniversary if my loss very very hard and I have another one coming up in a few days time and another due date in a few weeks , I try not to think about it to much but hell it's hard specialy as I'm still not pregnant and I'm almost 41 I feel my time is almost up and it's ripping me appart inside knowing it probably isn't going to happen big hugs and hope tomoro is not to bad for u xxx

 

[leean10]

I am doing ok thanks, just tired and feel like someone has punched me in the stomach today.

I was told by my doctor on Wednesday that the Histology report came back and there was no reason they could find for my baby dying but I am to keep trying as it was just "bad luck" this time. I have another appointment in London in July so I am hoping to get more answers there when I go.

You take the time to grieve hon, you will feel better for it and the pain will ease in the end but never truly go away xx

 

[Lozzaste]

Thank you all, I do feel better now the day has come and gone. I'm confident I won't feel as bad on the anniversary of the losses (5th June and 5th November) as that isn't anything for me to think "today... I should be having a baby or I would have been overdue etc" I feel like the date having come and gone has released me from the shadows of it all. I do find it sad that I'm still not pregnant, and I think that contributed a lot to how I felt, the injustice and frustration.
We will have our time. I hope we all get our much wanted BFPs together and can support each other through it xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Thinking of you today, i felt much better after my due date had come and gone like a little bit of closure

Wishing you good things in the months to come x