I hate when friendships end...

[BellaRiven]

So after purposefully not contacting my supposed best friend to see if she would contact me and nothing I messaged her.

To be honest I am gutted, we were both pregnant at the same time and I thought that would bring us closer together, she has changed since meeting her current boyfriend, after she met him I didn;t get much contact from her and then it was me contacting her all the time, and me that would always make the effort to go and see her she lives about a half hour journey away at that point til I moved now she is only 15 minutes away.

Here are the messages on f/book that I sent her:

• • Hey Hun
    
    Hope your ok? and that Jacob is alright.
    
    I have to be honest and say i'm a little peeved I've had no contact from you in ages, I purposefully left it and didn't contact you to see if you would contact me and nothing.
    
    I'm not sure what I have done but I considered you one of my true best friends and when we both had babies so close together I thought it would make us closer.
    
    I'm really sorry if I have done something or I have pissed you off I didn't mean to.
    
    I think after all the time we have been friends you can be honest so please do.
    
    Hopefully we will talk soon
    
    Me xxxxx
    
  
  
  
  
• http://www.facebook.com/stef.rawlings
  • Well im a little peeved aswell - ive not had any contact from you either? Also I know we popped in unannounced to see you all the day of the shoot but we didnt exactly feel welcome. I dont know maybe we have just outgrown he friendship as we both have completly different outlooks on life that we did when we became friends. I also must admit ive never got over how i was made to feel with the whole andy business and that you and lee both backed right away from me when he said id cheated on him. im just not sure how to be around you anymore its sad but sometimes these things just happen x
    
  
  
  
  
• • I'm sorry you felt that way, I always supported you all the way through the andy thing, you know full well how I feel about that person. Lee it was different as he was still friends with him. I think your views on our friendship changed when you got with Darrell it's almost like you didn't care anymore and that's fine as you have to expect that. On the day you dropped in we weren't expecting t that's all and you know how Lee likes the house to be up together when people come over he freaks out if stuff is all over the place and he hasn;t hoovered, it's different now we've moved. I don;t know what is so different to our outlooks on life unless yours has changed.
    
  
  
  
  
• • I'm not sure what to say hun, I don't want to lose you as a friend but like you say it happens. Maybe we both should have made more of an effort
    
  
  
  
  
• http://www.facebook.com/stef.rawlingsHer
  
  http://www.facebook.com/stef.rawlings
  
  • i dont know what to say either maybe we should just give it some time and c what happens
    
  
  
  
  
• • If that's what you want if I am honest i'm gutted and a little hurt
    
  • I thought we were closer than that
    
  • but fair enough, space it is
    
  
  
  
  

Was I wrong to leave contacting her? I know it shouldn't make a difference.

This is probably worse than a break up...........

Jeez i'm a woose....

 

[aliciabubba]

I don't have any advice, but I'm a true believer in things happen for a reason.

Big hugs xxx

 

[LoopyLouize]

Awww hugs hun

Being honest, from her responses, the attitude she portrays in my opinion is that she doesn't actually sound bothered!

So sorry a good friendship came to this xxxx

 

[Sammyxo]

In a way it's good that you contacted her at least you know the score, although sometimes it is better to just move on. You never know one day she will probably look back and regret moving on and also she's trying to make out you've changed (with the different outlooks on life) when clearly it was her. I'm the same I hate when people just turn up at my house (unless family) as I like things to be neat and me to feel prepared and especially if you have a baby it will be even more that way.

Me and my best friend fell out earlier this year as I just found her to have changed from being a sweet innocent girl to then gossiping about me to other people, also gossiping about everyone else to me, and hooking up with a guy friend of ours who is in a serious relationship. She also pretends to be great friends with his girlfriend - even today I've seen that she's liked a picture the girlfriend uploaded of her and him when she slept with him behind her back on numerous occasions. Made me think what she could do to me if she can be fake to her and yet hook up with her boyfriend!
She just changed from being someone I spoke to every day and saw all the time to hearing her say things about me behind my back to my other friends, as I'd let slip that she'd hooked up with this guy to another girl friend as I couldn't keep it a secret any more so she was trying to get revenge by making me look bad.

She's never even congratulated me or spoken to me since I announced I was pregnant, not sure why I have her on my Facebook, I've blocked her from everything as I don't want her seeing anything about my life or my babies. Maybe I should just delete her!? Sometimes people change and whilst I am really sad about losing my friend I realise I'm sad about losing the old her not this nasty vindictive new girl that she's become. I need to remind myself of that as I do get down a lot about not being close to her but then when I think of the REAL her then I remember why and am happy not to have someone like that in my life. It just annoys me as she's still friends with all our mutual friends as they don't know the real her.

You'll meet new mums who are lovely and will be good friends to you, it's her loss that she's gone from your life and you're better off!xxx

 

[BellaRiven]

Thanks Ladies

I think I'm just gutted she gave up so easily as well but maybe she has a point, I've said to her I'll be around when she is ready, I do believe people come and go from our lives to show us something and she helped me when I really needed it.

Sammy - How do you just block someone on f/book?

xxxx

 

[Sammyxo]

Well I haven't blocked my friend from my facebook completely although you can do that. I've just blocked her from seeing peoples posts on my wall etc. Think I will just block her completely though, even though we've not spoken about why things fizzled out like you did, we just don't ever speak now and the fact she never said congrats to me about being pregnant is just pathetic.

If you go top right and where it says home click the arrow and click privacy settings you can then edit settings for anything listed e.g Timeline and Tagging. Then for something such as 'Who can see wall posts on your timeline?' just click down to custom and add them in the 'hide this from' area.
You can then go to your profile and click the settings button icon next to activity log and selec 'view as' and put in the persons name so you can see what they can of your profile.

If you just want to block someone completely from your profile go to privacy settings again and scroll down to blocked people and apps and just add them there. If you do that then they won't be able to search for you/see your profile, it's just as though you've deleted yourself off Facebook.

 

[redbear]

It sucks hun doesn't it but you know what i have never had as many friends as i do since i started going to the baby and toddler groups im always at someone's house having a cuppa, i have made a really close friend too which i found hard to do before i had Alice. You will be fine, people change and its sad but sometimes its for the best hope your ok xxx

 

[LouiseB]

I'm sorry that you feel like you have lost your friend, but it seems almost inevitable considering how you've both been acting. It's like you've both got a chip on your shoulder.

I know you said something about things changing since her new fella, but your fella made her feel unwelcome when she did put some effort in to see you.

I mean, if you can't drop in on your true best friend unannounced well something is wrong right there.

Then, what is with the whole "not contacting her to see if she contacts me" thing? She probably felt really hurt because of your OH. You should have picked up on that and cleared the air or apologised when you do realise what her problem is rather than trying to justify it.

"Well, OH hadn't vacuumed so it's to be expected that you feel like an intruder when you try to visit me" is basically what you said

Then you both start trying to make out that your are being philosophical about life when in reality you are just both trying to avoid actually saying sorry for your role in the situation coming to what it is.

If you want to be her friend, stop moping and go around to see her and apologise for whatever she thinks you've done and I'm sure she'll apologise back and then make the effort to see her if you want to.

Sometimes it takes a grand gesture to clear the air and its not always the person that should be doing it that ends up doing it, but so what if you get what you want out of the situation which is her friendship xx

 

[LoopyLouize]

I think Lou speaks a lot of sense here hun x

 

[Loula]

Sorry its come to this... I had a friend who i saw althrough my pregnancy and weve known each other for like 12 years however since having had baby i had no congratulations or anything and still 13 weeks on nothing so ive given up and deleted her on fb and her number, might be childish but i had to do it. I hope to meet new people and people that value me xxx

 

[Sammyxo]

Sorry its come to this... I had a friend who i saw althrough my pregnancy and weve known each other for like 12 years however since having had baby i had no congratulations or anything and still 13 weeks on nothing so ive given up and deleted her on fb and her number, might be childish but i had to do it. I hope to meet new people and people that value me xxx

This is what i'm going to do with my 'friend' who can't even congratulate me on my pregnancy when we were best friends for years. I'd rather just cut her out completely then have her tied to me through facebook etc.x

 

[redbear]

Your best friend shouldnt be hard work and if they are i just cut them out, i really dont have time and energy for people that need me to go apologizing every time i just dont bother, harsh but has made my life much easier! xx

 

[Mrs N]

I think having a baby really makes you question your friends, my best friend has been my best friend for nearly all my life but she has dissapeared since I had h, we still talk occasionally but she hasnt got kids and cant understand that I cant do certain things etc. I have made loads of friends through NCT and other classes and I now see them every week so I kinda feel I have a place in my life for friends I see every week and can tell anything and a friend I can go out with every now and then!!
I do kinda also agree with louise as if you want to keep her as a friend (doesnt have to be best friend but a friend) then maybe its best to swallow your pride and make up with her???
xxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

It sounds like she's not bothered but them could that be coz she's hurt she didn't feel welcome when she came over last? If you value the friendship it's worth giving it another go, not via Facebook but meet up somewhere neutral like a park or coffee shop for a chat? Good friends are hard to come by and it does get hard when you have a baby.. Along with the hormones etc.. She's had a baby the same time as you so you can understand each other.. My best friend I've known for at least 12 years and we had babies 3 years apart.. When I had mine we lost contact but when she had hers I made the effort to go and see her and get back on track coz I know it's hard being a mum.. We are closer than ever now even though we did fall out for a year again but family life got the better of both of us and we took it out on each other.. It took that time to realise that our friendship was important to us both and to just move on from the past and look towards a good future together with our kids being friends too..
I'd make the first move if I were you, she felt unwanted then you didn't contact her for a while.. She probably feels very rejected.. Everything changes when you have kids.. It's up to you really hun..

 

[BellaRiven]

She has done this before.

I've already apologised via f/book and text and she hasn;t replied to either now, following this post.

I have sent her one last message saying that if she needs me she knows where I am, can't say I haven't tried.

and yes we are both as bad as each other.......I realise that ....

 

[littlemonkey]

Since finding out I'm pregnant I'm really questioning some of my friendships. I had a hard few months before and found some people dropped off the radar, didn't wanna know when I had a hard time etc. Then when I found out I was really tired/sick etc and again some people didn't wanna know. If I didn't wanna go out drinking they didn't wanna know. But now I've announced the news these people suddenly wanna know all about the pregancy like they're my best mates again! Ha ha! Don't think so!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

It's horrible when you come to that realization.. But tbh I'd rather count my true friends on one hand than have a bunch of fake friends!!