My impossible mother

[Dragonfly Fi]

My mother is being impossible. She lives in Australia and i live here in a house that she owns. Basically we are having to move out of this house because its too expensive to live here and actually we are paying the same price as we would for a private rental, without a landlord in the country, in a position where we have to fix anything that breaks ourselves and without the benefits of being able to apply for assistance with housing because its my mothers house.

So we are moving and she is putting the house on the market (by 'she' i actually mean I am putting the house on the market, allowing strangers into my home, taking photos, dealing with sales people etc)

anyway... When she first moved to Australia, she lived in a family home with a landline and a computer, so we could contact her on Skype or phone her landline for a small amount (more than it would cost within the UK but still not excessive)

In the last year or so, she has moved to Darwin, into an apartment with her new fella and blindly REFUSES to get a landline installed or get a mobile which has skype capabilities so that we can contact her. I end up spending around £50 a month on charges to phone her mobile, which more often than not she completely ignores.

Its starting to really get me down.

This weekend i told her i would be out during the days, but i would wait in until 11ish for her calls and then go out after that. She agreed to this but i got no calls on Friday, Saturday or Sunday and i called her at 11 on each day and left a message on her answerphone (which costs me about £1.50) to call me. I also tried leaving missed calls on her husbands phone which are also ignored.

By Sunday i was actually quite pissed off. I am trying to sell this womans house, i am growing a child AND i have a nearly-1-year-old to deal with. Frankly it would just be NICE for us to have a chat ocassionally when she hasnt just woken up at 3am and is unable to get to sleep, or when she decided to phone me 3mins before she has to run out of the door to work.

In my opinion, her actions are saying very loud and clear that she doesnt want any sort of continuing contact with her family here in England, and would rather just sup champers and live the cooperate lifestyle that her and her new fella have made for themselves.

Do you think i am being unreasonable in being upset about this? Frankly i am at the point where i dont want her to bother contacting me unless she is prepared to put something in place that allows me to contact her also, and where we can have a mutual understanding of when is a good or a bad time for us to contact each other.

Its REALLY winding me up, she earns 100k (in GBP) per year and yet is unable to go and buy a laptop so she can skype her family? Its absurdf!!

 

[Zazu]

I'd be annoyed too!

You need to tell her how you feel. Maybe leave a message saying you are moving out and she can deal with the house sale herself (which is what I personally would do), then she might bother to call you!

Hope things get better soon x

 

[Kezzamunster]

I completely agree with Zazu

As a mother.....its shocking behaviour tbh, how can she just cast you aside like that, it's awful & can't imagine how you are feeling

I really hope that things sort themselves out soon for you



xxxxx

 

[Xcitedmum]

its funny how we all see things differently, reading your post one thing screams out at me - your mums fella may be a control freak and this is the reason she has not installed a means of easy communication for you. Maybe I am way off the mark but if she is earning that much money what other logical explanation could there be when she was happy to do all this for you before she moved in with him?

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

thanks for the responses guys, i think after today she can have NO DOUBT how i feel about her actions (or lack of)

i agree about Jack (the fella) I dont necessarily think that he is controlling her directly, i think he is far more clever than that... I think its much easier for him to casually suggest they 'do something else' or divert her attention from thinking about us over in England rather than do what he should be doing, which is keeping her on track towards keeping in touch with her family.

He says all the right things but its just words

regardless, she is very much her own person and if she wanted to, she could easily make the effort and just walk down the shop and buy a laptop. Its very, very silly.

She lived with him in Perth too, in the family house, but that house already had an internet connection and a landline phone. Its since they moved to Darwin and got massive cooperate jobs etc that all this has been such a problem.

I have given her an ultimatum basically, either she makes the effort and puts something in place which allows us to contact her, or she can contact us when she is in the UK and no other time. Its just easier that way i think I am very sad about it though.