I feel like a failure :(

[Jade89]

I have been to see HV today to get Aaliyahs height and weight done and her weight has shot way up and is no longer in proportion with her height

I have to write down everything she is offered and what food she is actually eating for two weeks then go back.

I just feel like I have made her overweight and we should be on worlds fattest toddlers or something

On average she will have cerial for her breakfast, a sandwich for her dinner and a banana or a yogurt or something then something hot for her tea which varies.

Snacks vary - fruit, yogurt, chocolate etc...but I don't usually have chocolate in the house to give to her, thats just if I goto the shop on the odd occasion. 9 times out of 10 she will ask for a banana or a yogurt.

I still use a pushchair sometimes and have been trying get her walk places as I don't fancy a double buggy when this baby comes along and Aaliyah will be nearly 3 by then but the health visitor told me to stop using her pushchair now and walk her everywhere. Easier said than done to be honnest. If she gets fed up of walking she just stops and wont move or sits on the floor or runs in the opposite direction...atattched to reins or not!

I take her playgroup twice a week so she isnt stuck in the house all the time, I walk her places when i'm feeling brave enough to put up with what is gonna happen when I do just so she isnt stuck in a pushchair etc... I just don't understand any of it because I know kids Aaliyahs age who dont go to playgroups, have burger and chips for their dinner often, take a packet of biscuits to bed with them because their parents don't want to risk upsetting them so close to bedtime and who just eat crap basically but they are skinny little things

I really am very upset and I have just cried ever since the HV showed me the charts in the red book and told me she was overweight, I feel like a failure to Aaliyah and I should be enjoying being a Mum not counting her calorie intake

Sorry about the long post but where am I going wrong?

 

[Minxy]

First place you are going wrong is beating your self up about it!

Aaliyah was a big baby born so the seeds of this were planted a long time ago. I've had similar worries over Stanley and I do empathise. Some kids are bigger than others and all we can do is everything that is within our control.

Are you fighting against genetics a bit? Are you or her dad big? It does sound like you're doing all the right things so I'd just carry on and maybe try and follow a heathier lifestyle yourself (if you think you need to) to set her the best possible example.

Good Luck. x

 

[mary70]

dont worry hun hv are a waste of space as long as your daughter is healthy stop taking her its not worth the upset, toddlers vary from month to month with their weight and your obviously feeding her the right things

 

[Jade89]

Thanks

Well i was 9lbs 12oz when I was born and OH was 7lbs something born at 6 months long story...

We are both well built and have a bit of tub about us lol but nothing spectacular

I do think things would be much better if she would walk places without all the fuss but that doesn't happen

Aaliyahs appetite is huge but we don't pile her plate or let her constantly eat but what she is offerd usually gets eaten.

Also people are getting wrong ideas...and when I answer when asked how old she is and tell people 2 they all say 'wow, big girl isnt she?' (expecting me to say 4) yep thanks for pointing that out and at a playgroup party, Aaliyah was the last at the table and there was a plate of choc spread sandwiches left, a woman just placed them infront of her and said 'Jade look' expecting me laugh, I went beserk and told her to move them now coz she would sit there and eat the lot! stupid cow!

I worry more about her being overweight and getting picked on for it too I shouldn't be having these thoughts, she isnt even starting school yet

 

[Minxy]

I think it's natural you'd have these thoughts. Obese children don't have an easy ride. But it really does sound like you're doing all you can to ensure she doesn't have a big weight problem as she gets older. It may just be baby weight still and will come off if she's moving and eating sensibly.

Did you see that programme the other night 'Why aren't thin people fat?' They did an experiment in a nursery school where children who had just eaten lunch and were 'full' were given a big plate of chocolate and biscuits. Some just pushed it away but others sat and ate their way thorugh it all. OH and I laughed and said Stanley would be licking the plate (he really would) but I know it's not funny really It seems there's evidence to suggest that an inability to turn off appetite may be gentically linked.

Not that it's an 'excuse' but I do think it explains why some of us seem to struggle more with food than others.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

I think it's natural you'd have these thoughts. Obese children don't have an easy ride. But it really does sound like you're doing all you can to ensure she doesn't have a big weight problem as she gets older. It may just be baby weight still and will come off if she's moving and eating sensibly.

Did you see that programme the other night 'Why aren't thin people fat?' They did an experiment in a nursery school where children who had just eaten lunch and were 'full' were given a big plate of chocolate and biscuits. Some just pushed it away but others sat and ate their way thorugh it all. OH and I laughed and said Stanley would be licking the plate (he really would) but I know it's not funny really It seems there's evidence to suggest that an inability to turn off appetite may be gentically linked.

Not that it's an 'excuse' but I do think it explains why some of us seem to struggle more with food than others.

I think Stanley and James are related!!

 

[Jade89]

yeah me and OH can eat until we feel like stuffed turkeys sometimes but I don't really give Aaliyah the chance to get stuffed.

 

[Minxy]

FWIW, she looks a little gorgeous doll on your avatar and not fat at all.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

Hun honestly dont worry.

At James's 8 month check i was told to bring him back at 10 months as they were worried he wouldnt walk or crawl because he was "so big". They had me in tears. He was over 10lb born and is equally off the scale in terms of height and weight. He does enjoy his food but I do try my best to only give him healthy stuff but i dont deprive him of the occasional treat etc.
Anyway, he crawled from 10 months and can pull himself up and walk holding his walker and the couch etc. There aint a thing wrong with him. SInce he has started being mobile he has really slimmed down too. Some babies just have a propensity to store fat more than others. Your baby is still so young and I would be proud that she is thriving and enjoying her food.

IMHO i would much rather have a baby with a good appetite than one who I was constantly trying to get food into and wont eat. Honestly I think that HVs sometimes make such a big deal out of these things to give their job some purpose so they have something to do!

 

[Hypnorm]

i dont like HV's and tend to avoid them, my boy has always been big, at the moment he is almost 3.5yrs but he is in 4-5 size clothes.
He has always been the size above, but not fat just solid! both me and his dad are pretty stocky. Ewan was 8lb 1.5 oz at birth.
People say shouldnt he be in school?? and they are quite shocked when i tell them how old he is.

With this new baby i will be avoiding the HV again, I prefer to trust my own instincts.

 

[babynumbertwo]

Hi Jade

At the risk of being very unpopular I'd like to suggest another way of looking at it. I know and totally understand that people are being supportive when they say ignore the HV. However, if she's picked up on a potential concern then she has to make you aware of it. Imagine if she said nothing and then in a few years it turned into a problem. You'd probably be furious that she'd not told you earlier. This way if anything does need doing it can be done early - although I hope everything will be fine for you.
By having it monitored you will hopefully find out there is nothing wrong - maybe you just have a naturally big child. But if there is a problem then you are more likely to get it picked up early and prevent it getting worse. Either way is a positive outcome compared to waiting until school age.
I hope you don't mind me posting this. I just thought it might help to look at it from a more positive perspective! It's so easy to feel bad when someone says something about your child. I hope you get some answers and feel better about it soon x

 

[Jade89]

thanx for replying everybody.

Of course I don't mind you posting babynumbertwo, everyone has their opinions and what you said is ok. Health visitors are there for a reason but I know where others are coming from by saying they stay away, they can get a bit full on.

Hypnorm - Aaliyah is in age 3 clothes all the way to 5 depending where they are from too and she's only 2. It just seems like it's her belly thats big!

i'm just gonna do the 2 week writing down thing, see what they have to say, im going be completely honnest with it and then if I am going wrong somewhere at least i'll know.

Today shes eaten....

Breakfast (at playgroup) - aprox 3-4 small triangles of toast on white bread with margerine
Sliced apple and banana
No added sugar squash

Dinner - Cheese oatcake (staffordshire thing)
Mullerlight yogurt (coz we were at nanas and grandads and she likes theirs better than the small pots)
She ended up having about 4 little fruit pastell things what nana diddn't stash very well
Fruit & Barley squash

she stole a tiny packet of haribo sweets from my neice's changing bag too

Tea - Tomato soup with a round of white bread chopped up
No added sugar juice

(I know it seems strange coz there is no milk in the diet apart from on her cerial which she has on non playgroup days but she does eat yogurts and cheese to make up for it, she just wont drink plain milk and sweetening it with milkshake powder all the time just isnt an option, especially with the situation im in now)

Now I don't think thats the worst diet in the world and she would usually eat more fruit and veg on a normal day but I need to do some shopping.

 

[kalia]

Remember as I comment that I have a 9 month old who will barely eat - today she had about 1 baby spoonful of weetabix for breakfast, a quarter of a grape, and for dinner a mangetout and about a dozen peas - so I am not talking as someone experienced in child nutrition.

It seems to me that she has a lot of sugar and sweeteners. No added sugar juices have natural sugar and added sweeteners. Yoghurt has lots of sugar or sweeteners - there used to be adverts about a whole yoghurt having less fat than a single crisp and that annoyed me because it made them sound completely healthy when they are full of sugar. White bread has sugar in it. Tomato soup has a lot of sugar in it. The apple and banana are obviously much healthier than things with refined sugar or sweetners as they have natural sugars. The only thing she had with absolutely no sugar or sweeteners in was presumably the cheese oatcake (I don't know what's in it but I'm guessing oats, cheese and salt).

So it's not the worst diet in the world but it is high in sugar. This is only one day though. I'm sure she has less sugar on other days.

 

[elliej]

i dont think you are a faliure, and you certainly dont sound like you are over feeding her. but heed the HV advice and see how it goes. personally i think the key to a healthy lifestyle is exercise. cant you take her out with the buggy but take a dolly and get her to push the baby doll or teddy in the buggy, with your help, then if she gets tired she can have a ride for a bit but she still gets some exercise thats fun. may mean she will want to help push the new baby too, like a big girl!, is there a park nearby or god garden that you can get her to run round, kick a ball in when you have a bit of spare time?
kids weight varies all over, it may be just puppy fat and as she grows taller her height will catch up with her weight. thats what happened to me!!

 

[valentine]

Today shes eaten....

Breakfast (at playgroup) - aprox 3-4 small triangles of toast on white bread with margerine
Sliced apple and banana
No added sugar squash

Dinner - Cheese oatcake (staffordshire thing)
Mullerlight yogurt (coz we were at nanas and grandads and she likes theirs better than the small pots)
She ended up having about 4 little fruit pastell things what nana diddn't stash very well
Fruit & Barley squash

she stole a tiny packet of haribo sweets from my neice's changing bag too

Tea - Tomato soup with a round of white bread chopped up
No added sugar juice

Hi Jade,

You're not a failure at all honey, but like kalia, I'd be tempted to look at the amount of sugar and processed foods she maybe eats. I know that's on one particular day and I'm honestly not trying to have a go at you, just help.

I'd be tempted to switch white bread for wholemeal, margarine for no salt butter, cut out the sweets unless very occassional (once a week or less) treat and try to give water or very diluted natural fruit juice for drinks. I'd also be tempted to try plain yoghurt with homemade fruit puree stirred in or buy (I know they're expensive) Rachel's Kitchen yoghurts as they aren't sweetened with extra sugar. Is the cheese oatcake processed?

Was the tomato soup homemade? If not, I'd be tempted not to give this unless occassionally. What does she usually have for main meals? If she's not great with milk on its own, how about making macaroni cheese or spaghetti bolognaise with cheese grated on top or try fish pie or tuna pasta bake or something? We can all help with ideas if you like?

I hope you don't mind me posting this - DD has a good diet but its not perfect so I'm not trying to criticise you, just help.

Valentine Xxx

 

[Jade89]

No, I don't mind you posting at all it's fine, any suggestions welcome because I am just so upset and I just want whats best for her.

I always thought margerine was better then butter though?

Aaliyah doesn't eat sweets everyday, I don't even have sweets in the house apart from the very odd occasion.

What do you mean by natural fruit juice valentine? do you mean pure fruit juice but very diluted?

We do cook things like spagetti bolognese and chilli con carne and pasta bakes, but we use the dolmio and uncle bens jars...are these a big no too then?

The cheese oatcake was just a plain oatcake and I put white cheddar inside and warmed so the cheese melts.

We switched to wholemeal bread before but she just wont touch it, how about best of both is that any good? We have that in the kitchen at the moment.

Sorry I sound like a right dumba**, but i'm not a very good cook at the best of times

 

[Minxy]

I use the jars at times but they are generally pretty salty, which leads to water retention and bloating. You can get kiddie friendly sauces and stuff, although boiling a tin of tomatoes down with a few herbs does the same ( and is cheaper too)

 

[valentine]

Hi hun,

I'm so glad you weren't offended, I spent the whole morning worrying about my post to you!

Yes, I do mean pure fruit juice with water added like 1/10 fruit juice/water - this is still juice (so if she doesn't like water, hopefully she will drink it), but doesn't have all the added preservatives of Robinsons/Ribena etc.

I'm not a food expert at all, I just know what I've read on here and from newspapers etc, but I would always give butter over margarine. Butter has high fat content but doesn't have all the added crap margarine has (look at label on margarine to see what I mean).

The oatcake sounds fine (yummy!) and a great lunch idea, in my opinion and Best of Both would definitely be better than plain white bread (again, just my opinion, but others may disagree).

I don't tend to use jars for cooking as we're on a bit of a budget at the mo so I do what Minxy says and cook sauces from scratch which sounds hard, but its really just tin of tomatoes, herbs, onion, garlic, mushrooms plus whatever else is at hand like courgette or whatever. You can add what you like. White/cheese sauce is just butter, flour and milk and cheese. Chilli con carne is just onion, garlic, tin tomatoes, fresh chilli (and/or chilli powder), tomato puree, mushrooms and a splash of red wine if you have it. If you need more help, I'd (and I'm sure other posters too), would be happy to post some recipes.

I hope this helps.

Valentine Xxx

 

[Jade89]

Thank you all so much hehe don't be silly your post was very helpful thank you.

I have been looking at healthy childrens recipes cooked mainly from scratch and so far I have cottage pie, home made chicken dippers and dip which look blimmin gorgeous! Pizza (to make myself) etc...but i'm still looking. I need a full weeks meals and snacks by 5pm so I can change my shopping order online because it's coming tomorrow.

Can I just ask, what is the best cheese to give to a toddler? or just to have in general?

and do you find it really hard to spread your butter? I have always used margerine

Thank you

 

[kalia]

We use lurpak spreadable and I beat it a bit (not hit but rather quickly pulling the knife through it repeatedly) before spreading.

How about toasted pitta bread sandwiches with grated carrot and cheese?

You mentioned bolognese made with dolmio - it is far cheaper and easier to make yourself and that way you can have it with no sugar or salt. I make a big amount and freeze it in serving size portions. I use 800g - 1kg mince depending on the size of packs that are on offer.
Chop a very large onion or a couple of regular ones and cook them in the pan with a tiny splash of oil until they are soft. Throw in some sliced carrots if you fancy. Add in the mince and cook until it is all brown - you have to stir and it takes about 10 minutes. Then add in between 4 and 8 tins of chopped tomatoes (I put in 8 so that I have lots of veg in each portion and then I don't bother making salad for with it when I serve) a good scoosh of tomato paste (a couple of table spoons) a sprinkling of whatever herbs are nearby, some pepper, a splosh of red wine (maybe a glass. The alcohol burns off when it boils and I find it makes it taste much nicer.) Leave to cook for at least an hour. If it tastes funny after this time cook it longer. The longer it is cooked for the better it tastes. With my ladle a serving is 1 and a half so I freeze it is bags of 3 scoops so it serves 2.

I often make chilli at the same time - I make it the same as the bolognese (because that is easier to do) but without the wine and with a small teaspoon of hot chilli and a teaspoon of tumeric. oh, and a tin of kidney beans of course.